Asking for her # versus giving her mine?

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-19T16:45:11+00:00

I find that giving my # requires less investment than asking for one because I don’t have to get invested by planning to follow up

It also limits your opportunities as many girls won't just chase you so you'll miss out on a decent number of them.

and it removes obligation from my end unless they’re almost certainly interested.

In other words, you're trying to avoid rejection as much as possible.

I think you're better off facing rejection head on to get used to it. If you keep avoiding it, you'll never get over it.

PUAnerrd · 2022-09-19T19:24:21+00:00

For the phone number question, I would suggest getting their number. Phrase it this way: "hey, I'd like take you out to coffee/drink sometime, wanna exchange numbers" and go for pulling out your phone as you do so, implying you'll put her number in your phone.

There's nothing wrong with asking for her number and it's not any more or less gracious than giving her yours. If she gives you her number, she still has every opportunity to reject and in most cases, simply not respond. Happens.

As for approaches and rejections. It's mostly going to be rejections, I think that's something all men have to accept. You mentioned you are not in a good place, and that is definitely something you'll have to take care of first and foremost. In my humble opinion, no one here on Reddit can really help with that. It's your responsibility to recognize the problem and address it.

As for approaches themselves. Here's something I consistently remind myself. Getting the number and going on a date and fucking or ending up in a relationship is a byproduct of making a connection with someone. The goal is to genuinely enjoy the actual interaction.

I've done a few cold approaches now and majority of interactions resulted in a decent conversation and as I get better, there is an underlying flirting tone which is exciting. I enjoy that quite a bit. I love that dynamic when talking to women with the goal of flirting. A certain...buzz. I get nervous as fuck before the approach, but I manage. I still get mostly rejected but I enjoyed the actual interaction. Yes getting a number makes it even better, but i don't approach expecting it. I forcibly make myself think "I wonder what she's like". Helps with the performance anxiety when I phrase it that way in my head

Familiarity_ · 2022-09-19T20:17:57+00:00

You'll lose out on a percentage of women who are on the fence about you, or are the type to not initiate dates. By giving your number you're losing control because she might get busy and forget to text you or not care enough to put the effort in. Make it easier for her and yourself by getting her number.

Nullroute127 · 2022-09-19T20:29:37+00:00

At the conceptual level, you need to progress the relationship as a guy. By putting the ball in her court you put the onus on her advance things. If you make a fantastic impression, or you have a large SMV, and she's starting to chase you this can work - and may work better because she has to make a conscious decision to engage with you and increase her investment. Imagine Russell Brand given a girl his phone number - she's going to call it (it's also possible that he might be relatively so high value she gets intimidated, but unlikely).

However, if your approach is only lukewarm you need be MUCH more proactive, without being needy. You want to try to get your name saved as a CONTACT in her phone. You can do this with a casual, "Let me see your phone." Tone, context, and lead-up are important here as this is technically a command and can be off-putting if it doesn't naturally segue from the conversation. Add your name/number. Sometimes I'll add a cheeky Parenthesis next to my name like "(sexy)" - open a new text and ask her to spell her name.

Texts are likely what she uses for family and close friends. You're in her phone as a contact, and there's a record of her having sent you a message of her own name to you. It differentiates you from the general pop. The context was also that you LEAD the interaction and she complied, this can encourage ongoing compliance with requests for dates/calls/etc.

Also importantly, after you get the number you don't want to break off the conversation right there. You want to continue to chat a bit and build some value/sexual tension. If you just get a number and leave it seems like you're just collecting numbers and the interaction was transactional.

YouGotTangoed · 2022-09-20T08:06:24+00:00

If you really want to optimise low investment, give her your Instagram. Obviously your account should be in tip-top shape, but once it is, it’s easy to keep girls invested

Majestic_Meal_5655 · 2022-09-20T01:48:42+00:00

Ask for theirs instead of volunteering yours. It works better that way. Girls must be pursued at the beginning of the courtship.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-09-19T23:21:32+00:00

Men lead, women follow. The vast majority of women never take the initiative with men, as they feel it devalues their worth if they have to chase a man.

So basically, no.

Giving her your number leads to less dating success, compared to you taking hers and taking the initiative.

GlampingNotCamping · 2022-09-20T07:35:40+00:00

The advice on here is absolutely terrible. The comment talking about how you'll "miss out on fence sitters" is complete garbage and likely not based in stochastic field experiences.

Giving your number is almost always the better option, especially if you're struggling with confidence or whatever. The thing is, girls text guys they like and they're not actually making the first move since you're still the one who approached them. So when they send the first text it's actually a continuation of the conversation.

Women have so many terrible day to day experiences with men trying to get their numbers that reframing yourself as an "option" as opposed to just another guy in her DMs completely changes the whole dynamic. She now feels empowered and confident, and she associates those feelings with you, as opposed to feeling pressured to give you her number.

I saw advice on here once to give out my number, and so far that has led to a 100% conversion rate over a sample size of around 25 women who didn't indicate they were in a relationship/said no. Basically, in my experience, fence-sitters are far more likely to perceive your interaction as more positive.

This may be skewed however because I don't really like submissive-type girls, and I think there's something to be said for getting their numbers. But I like the cool, popular types who already have a million guys asking for their number. And giving them mine? It's been a vastly.different experience. I think these numbers may also be skewed because I think I trend as reasonably attractive, so maybe it's different if you're particularly ugly. Just my 2 cents. It's the best thing that has happened to me in my seduction experience

UglyFromBirfff91 · 2022-09-20T00:19:34+00:00

If you’re hot you can give your number. She wants it. If you’re average…… get her number. If youre ugly. She’ll reject you or give you a fake number.

mjornir · 2022-09-20T14:04:33+00:00

Thanks for the tips y’all. My gut was telling me something similar, that it’s more effective if I take initiative. Also clear that I’m not in a super good place to handle rejection so maybe I need to just lay off for a bit. Idk, I naturally connect with people & women fairly easily, just can’t seem to make anything of it-could be a product of my vibe as much as it is the actual mechanisms of how I approach.

Lots to figure out. In the mean time we go jim

mjornir · 2022-09-20T11:23:19+00:00

1

Asking for her hashtag versus giving her mine?

False dichotomy.

Number exchange is best. It doesn't really matter whether you start by giving her yours and then asking her to tell you, or the other way around. But a number swap is best.

Why? Because it stands out more in her memory and also you usually both end up entering names into your phones so you're not coming in as "Random number," if you just get hers.

2

I’m not in a super great place in terms of self-esteem rn and I’m finding rejection is affecting me more than it should.

Maybe you should cut yourself some damn slack and realize that protection will affect anyone as much as it naturally will.

We're all doing the best that we can, man. You're human, not a robot.

3

I’m taking time to work on myself, hone my skills, zone in on hobbies, and get in shape so I feel a bit better about myself to a point where rejection won’t bother me near as much, which was where I was when I changed cities a year ago.

So, a piece that people often seem to miss when they suggest people go get hobbies, is that the hobbies are especially helpful when they involve you getting out and being involved with a recurring social event on a that exposes you to new people on a regular basis.

Part of crucial self-care is having a decent social network. And that social network should be mixed, men and women. And it should introduce you to new people on a regular basis. All of that's important to hone your social skills.

Title	Asking for her # versus giving her mine?
Author	mjornir
Upvotes	37
Comments	49
Date	September 19, 2022 4:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xih830/asking_for_her_versus_giving_her_mine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/asking-for-her-versus-giving-her-mine.1249734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249734

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