Dinner is a TERRIBLE first date idea! Why you should always avoid it

Captain_w00t · 2024-01-29T22:16:06+00:00

All good reasons, but you forgot the first one: going to a restaurant is like a trap if any of you wants to eject as soon as possible for whatever reason.

FreeTheMarket · 2024-01-29T23:08:02+00:00

Drinks is undefeated.

middletown-dreams · 2024-01-30T02:38:36+00:00

Drinks is honestly my favourite first date. Public location, get a little booze to ease the tension, get the convo really rolling, and when you’re done drinking you can continue by checking out other places nearby or call it a night if you’re not interested.

Just dont get wasted.

caesarfecit · 2024-01-30T01:49:07+00:00

In today's dating meta, it's way too big an upfront investment, and it is not an environment conducive to flirting with someone new. That simple.

aiwendil_brown · 2024-01-29T22:01:19+00:00

I’ve made that mistake and can confirm this is all true. You may think a dinner will impress the girl but it’s actually a terrible idea.

BW2Dat · 2024-01-29T22:36:12+00:00

Always start a first date with something non-commital like a drink or something. That way if things go south you can punt. If they go well you can progress to another venue or back to your place.

appmanga · 2024-01-29T23:39:32+00:00

And god help you if you’re a loud chewer or don’t have good table manners, you’re screwed.

Maybe someone shouldn't be dating until they fix these issues? Just saying.

no_usernameeeeeee · 2024-01-30T01:56:15+00:00

i feel like you’re overthinking it… I’ve literally only been invited on dinner (or lunch) dates as first dates & typically the guy even plans something afterwards like an activity or going somewhere scenic. I really appreciate those types of dates tbh - i’ve been on one coffee date and it was super awkward, but i think it was the guy & lack of chemistry rather than what we were doing.

Also: I don’t date online and only meet men in real life, through friends, hobbies or events… So i think that plays into why men probably are comfortable inviting me to dinner as we’ve already had at least one conversation - we’re comfortable & i’ve shown clear interest.

JackSquirts · 2024-01-30T04:50:59+00:00

I disagree, almost completely with this.

1) That vulnerability is one of the biggest reasons I like it. There's something bonding about "breaking bread" with someone and I'm specifically looking for bad table manners. It's one of my biggest pet peeves.

2) Again, I like this. Puts her at ease while still vulnerable. I have no problem building attraction verbally.

3) That's why I always have another stop or two or three planned. Dinner is the "first date", the next activity is "2nd date", and every stop after is another "date" all wrapped into a single evening.

4) I have enough money not to worry about this and I never ask to split the bill. If she offers, I refuse, but if she says it again, no problem.

5) It's easy enough for me to filter these women. I plan the dates without much input from her. Dinner 100% of the time unless she doesn't want to and in that case, I start questioning her attraction.

thinkdustin · 2024-01-30T00:55:13+00:00

I learned this the hard way.

petkoTHEVIKING · 2024-01-29T23:59:10+00:00

Why do people always frame this as an hour long, nice restaurant commitment?

Y'all realize you can get a burger or something at a local spot, pay like $30 for the both of you and be out the door in 30-45 minutes?

All my dates grabbing a low key dinner go well.

Far_Cheetah7006 · 2024-01-29T23:31:54+00:00

Anytime i went to dinner as a first date it was just awkward asf lool.

ReportBig2296 · 2024-01-30T03:21:02+00:00

Great point, but I really think it depends on a couple factors such as age, experience, financial status, etc. If you can afford it, then by all means wine and dine. It’s so much more romantic than a boring coffee date. Also, women learn a lot about a man through a dinner date. How does he treat people? Is he nice to the waiter? Is he a gentleman? Does he open the door for you or pull the chair out for you to sit down? Does he have boundaries? Is he a pushover or does he subtly set a limit to what you can order? These are just a couple examples of how you can appeal and impress women through dinner dates. I also think dinner is fine if you’re in your 30s and you’re dating a more mature crowd. I also think the more experienced a girl is, the more appreciative she will be towards to your efforts, which will lead to building intimacy and rapport much quicker. It’s all about capitalizing on the opportunity. There’s no magic formula to what constitutes as a great or perfect first date. But, generally speaking, you should do it in a place where you’re the most comfortable and confident. So if a fancy restaurant is not your cup of tea, then it’s totally okay to go somewhere casual, or if you thrive in a cafe setting or bar, then do that. Rather than focusing on where to do your first date, it’s much more important to focus on how to appear sexually attractive and masculine.

Griffithead · 2024-01-30T03:57:11+00:00

If you are so lame you can't hold a conversation over a meal, you shouldn't be dating.

HCHDGSH · 2024-01-29T23:52:33+00:00

Yeah, dinner often seems like a guy thinks he has to impress a woman for her to want to spend time with him. If the idea of chilling with you and having a drink is not exciting enough for her, you might as well skip her entirely because she's more interested in what you can do for her than she is in you.

Dandys3107 · 2024-01-30T00:59:28+00:00

I believe common consensus here is that dinner first date is poor idea. It's usually about inexperienced freshman that gets their dating image from cheap romantic movies or delusional social viewpoint.

rjones416 · 2024-01-30T04:20:10+00:00

My only problem with dinner dates is you're paying around $50 altogether at any decent restaurant. If you're dating only one girl then ok whatever but if you have several options like you should then the money adds up quick.

Going out for drinks is just as bad when one drink is almost $10 at any decent bar. Nobody goes out for just one drink.

Key-Willingness-2223 · 2024-01-30T06:15:42+00:00

So I completely understand this argument, but each problem can be addressed quite comfortable

1) just have good table manners. And don’t go for specifically messy foods- no ribs etc

2) find a restaurant with booths so you can sit side by side

3) don’t go to a proper restaurant with 3 courses etc, instead have a plan to get food, then go do activity x, then get desert at a third place.

4) I refer you back to points 2 and 3

5) I refer back to points 2 and 3.

This also gives you plenty of natural breaks to leave if it isn’t working, there’s plenty of more casual places you can go for food, that don’t make you seem cheap if it’s just an add on to the activity your doing after- if it’s framed as just a quick bite, then that’s completely different to just a dinner date.

And, I like eating on a first date because

1) you can judge a person based on how they treat staff etc

2) breaking bread is a cultural term and norm for a reason, the psychological benefit of this is well documented- it’s why workplaces have cafeterias etc, it dates back to hunter gatherers societies and how wed try not to eat around people we don’t trust or like etc

3) it doesn’t come across as low investment, or high investment either

4) super flexible, and if you know the staff, it’s a great way to demonstrate good traits of yours- such as being friendly and sociable and being well-connected etc

Discopotatoz · 2024-01-30T23:39:11+00:00

Kings, it's about pursuing the optimal play.. not exceptions. We have all had dates that defied conventional wisdom, but you will do best over the long run by playing the percentage points. And the girls scamming meals WILL fool you, theres no fool proof way to screen for good intentions. I just recently saw some shit about a plane Jane that hasn't bought groceries in 2 years.. fuck that chick

Huge_Shower_1756 · 2024-01-30T01:17:35+00:00

I completely disagree.

If you have bad table manners that's on you
If you can't initiate physicality before or after the dinner then that's on you and your game.
The dinner can be one part of the date you can always do other activities before or after
Chilis has a 3 for fucking 10 and plus if the girl likes you she will be fine paying for at least herself
This is not a bad point. If you aren't good at sniffing out girls who are using you then it can be a good idea to at least suggest something other than dinner to see if she bites

IamWisdom · 2024-01-30T00:55:14+00:00

Seduction 101. Dinner dates are trash for many reasons.

HarrisonHollers · 2024-01-30T02:55:27+00:00

For an early date if you go to dinner, I like Greek or Spanish food. It has a variety of foods so anyone could easily order. It has lots of foods to share together which initiates conversation ordering and while eating. I like going to a jazz show or live music so it’s something different to help you stand out, allows for conversation, and enjoyable.

soCalCurvedCock · 2024-01-30T05:33:08+00:00

Ive always told everyone this including the girls I’ve fucked and dated.

daysof_I · 2024-01-30T06:31:49+00:00

Valid points, but I still prefer lunch/dinner first date. Beside that said lunch/dinner doesn't even have to be in a fancy restaurant, it could be somewhere cheaper, and the fact that we can still split the bill, if I can't have a good conversation over a simple meal time, I'm not gonna continue further. I'm fine with coffee or drink dates but there's less to observe with short casual dates like that. If you chew loud, rude to service worker, bad table manners like ordering my food without asking me what I want, etc. I wanna know sooner rather than later. If you don't like my choice of food (different palette) or the way I eat, you'd rather know sooner than later. Let's not waste each other's time.

Youredumbstoptalking · 2024-01-30T06:49:59+00:00

By the time I’m ready to spend time with someone they’re already vetted. I take them to a teppanyaki place, it’s great because we’re sitting next to each other, you can show social proof by chatting with the others around the grill and the chef, it takes a lot of pressure off from the get to know you questions and you get a fun little show. They also have sushi which most women love. I’m lucky that there’s a mini golf/go kart place right across the street, after dinner I invite them to that, it’s a second location but the proximity makes it really easy to pull off. After that there’s a dive bar right up the street and a country bar about a half mile away, third location and now they’re comfortable following me to different places. After that I suggest my place, if I meet any resistance I mention the hot tub and rooftop pool, it’s closed but I know a way in. We’re alone and breaking the rules which is exciting for them. I’m batting a thousand with this.

Shot_Lawfulness1541 · 2024-01-30T08:01:11+00:00

I just pick , what ever I want so if the date goes wrong I still enjoyed myself

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-01-30T13:28:43+00:00

While I personally prefer drinks dates over dinner dates 9 times out of 10, calling dinner dates "TERRIBLE/AWFUL" is a bit of an overreaction bro.

I've been on 5 dinner first dates this month (and multiple other types of dates as well, but will focus on the dinner ones here). Three of them ended in sex, one in a kiss close, and one with no kiss (and no 2nd date because I didn't want to invest more time into her as she was giving me relationship vibes).

Only one of them was a fancier speakeasy type place, but that was one of the ones that ended in sex and also was just a place I wanted to check out anyway. The rest were just normal restaurants. I'm also living in a low CoL country at the moment so the cost of dinner in general is kinda inconsequential. I do agree that you should be avoiding expensive places for dinner though.

The only issue with dinner dates is the cost which can be mitigated by going to cheaper places. All the other "issues" you mentioned aren't issues:

1.) If you're feeling vulnerable because you're putting food in your mouth, that's a you thing. Just don't eat like a slob and you're fine. If you get food on your mouth, laugh it off like it's not a big deal because it isn't.

2.) The whole sitting across/beside thing is completely overrated. I've brought many girls over to mine at the end of the date after we sat across from each other and there wasn't any physical touch aside from the hug at the start. Stop trying to force touch and focus on being a good conversationalist.

3.) Similar to 2), you don't need to be moving around to create attraction. Being static is fine. Again, I've brought many a girl back to mine after only sitting at a table together for an hour and a half.

4.) The only point I agree with you here on, albeit with a caveat. The cost is the only reason I generally prefer drinks dates, but if you're just avoiding expensive places to begin with, it's not that bad. Same with splitting the bill. I've fucked many girls that I've split the bill with on the first date.

5.) I do agree that if she doesn't accept a drinks date over a dinner date, then you should forget about her as it is likely that she's just trying to take advantage of you and shouldn't be taken seriously. Same if she will only accept a date at a fancy cocktail spot.

mjornir · 2024-01-30T13:44:33+00:00

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nintendoborn1 · 2024-01-30T16:21:01+00:00

Gonna save this

Nsy_ · 2024-01-30T18:26:07+00:00

Dinner date sounds awful for a first date but a restaurant first date CAN be nice in good conditions: I had a lunch for a first date this week and it was very nice. We found out we work not far from each other so we figured out we could do a little date at lunch break. We stolled around and found a nice Restaurant.

Being a work day it couldn't last more than 1h30 or 2h. We had great food and nice discutions. We didn't have drinks since it was noon. And we'll have a second date soon :)

Also, I don't know where you live but you don't need to pay 80-100$ for a nice meal. I'm in Paris and even here you have some really good Brasserie with high quality products for a 20-25€ menu. We had an amazing Boeuf Bourguignon.

And physical touch is not mandatory (?). In my opinion, the first date is to check how the person is in real life, if you have a connection, if the time spent was nice, if there is a physical attraction and get to know better the other person.

Charge36 · 2024-01-30T18:56:26+00:00

Not sure I agree with the "don't sit across from your date" advice. It's easier to make eye contact if you are across from them and on a first date I think that's more important ( at least at first) than actually physically touching them.

lotsmorecoffee · 2024-01-31T03:24:39+00:00

No doubt having good table manners is a prerequisite for good dinner dates.

Most-Farm-8087 · 2024-01-31T09:42:56+00:00

Meh the type of girls I go for like dinner dates and I’ve had plenty of lays and relationships come from it. Even girls who suggest it. Usually I’ll pick a nice spot I like and pick them up. Usually take them home by the 2nd - 3rd date.

Also I build a ton of rapport with girls with FaceTime/texting after the first date (if it went well). I’m busy as shit and will take 8 hours to respond to them sometimes but I’ll triple or even quadruple reply to their messages. The whole texting game shit is overrated. I’m not sure if women have just caught on to the whole PUA thing but I don’t really play any games with them other than not acting crazy or overly desperate.

Usually I’ll try for a cocktail lounge on the first date. I wear a lot of suits etc so it’s fitting of me. I’m a professional in life and women obviously are attracted to that side of me so I give them what they want in terms of the image of me they create in their heads.

I think most men need to just focus on their careers and financial stability. Then worry about looking good and dressing well and you’ll have no problem getting laid. There is no law in the universe saying a certain % of men can’t get laid or that some men will die virgins. If everyone took care of themselves more there would just be a lot more people fucking.

Girls tell me about other guys they’ll hone on dates with and I have been shocked at how trash at flirting and dating most men are. I wish all men were at least trying as it would make life more enjoyable for both sexes.

2024-01-30T04:05:21+00:00

OP is not wrong at all. I avoid dinner for first dates at all costs. A coffee, a drink, even a walk, something simple is the way to go.

If someone won’t go on a first date without unless you feed them (as I recently heard the other night - I got a 3 paragraph tirade because I wouldn’t do dinner) - run away

Spending a lot of time vetting can help too. Meeting in person vs on apps helps a lot. Or if one must use an app, do a FaceTime first. Do a quick vibe check.

If the night is going amazing, sure get a bite if the vibe is solid. Then you have an adventure going on. But just offering dinner as a first date is a huge mistake - for all the reasons OP mentioned.

except looking awkward eating. I mean, people eat. It’s life lol

Beautiful-Molasses55 · 2024-04-05T00:32:08+00:00

I don’t agree

yazzooClay · 2024-01-30T01:12:13+00:00

I highly disagree. unless you are broke. A couple bottle of wines and a nice steak dinner, always leads to success lmao. Fancy rooftop I suppose is good as well. But face to face at dinner is the best way to get intimate.

jayarna7 · 2024-01-30T10:04:11+00:00

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tha_weasel · 2024-01-30T07:22:51+00:00

Personally, I’ve had great luck with dinner dates.

Their likes, dislikes, dietary restrictions etc are great conversation starters leading up to the date. Picking a restaurant they will enjoy shows that you are thoughtful and willing to invest in them.

Choosing a nice place where both of you can dress up. Talk about what she’s wearing before hand and try to match. Just a collared shirt with a nice pair of dark jeans and clean shoes will go a long way.

I’m a foodie and don’t mind spending $250+ on a great meal which tastes even better when you share it with a beautiful woman. Don’t be cheap. Show her a good time. It’s surprising how many women haven’t been treated to a proper date night and most of the time they will be very grateful for the experience.

obenssonosias · 2024-01-30T10:51:59+00:00

This guy knows things

YANGGANGPDX · 2024-01-30T10:56:43+00:00

Great observation

Ok-Class-1451 · 2024-01-30T17:54:49+00:00

This is nonsense. Dinner is the perfect first date. This post is written like an insecure person who wants to facilitate a cheaper, low effort date that will not impress anyone. Before I got married, I wouldn’t go out with anyone who suggested anything other than dinner, and the man always paid, every time, on every date I’ve ever had in my life. And now my husband pays for every date. It really helps weed out the men from the boys. Dinner is the perfect first date. Low effort won’t get you anything worth having.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-01-30T01:41:35+00:00

None of this is inaccurate. I however, have a different stance.

No dates at all until after sex is had.

Dates are intimate, therefore shouldn't happen until you know there is a connection outside the bedroom.

This way the sex isn't transactional and the girl actually feels less like a whore. The vehicle has to be test driven before any sort of investment is made.

It's really how us men shit test a woman's interest level. If you can get her in bed and make her cum multiple times without spending anything or going on dates... you know she is interested enough to be open to whatever ur looking for... be it a fling or FWB or to start dating.

Women see respect differently than us. Many of us have more respect for a woman that makes us wait...women think the opposite. They respect the guy that got them quick more than the guy that waited.

AlphaEag1e · 2024-01-30T03:47:30+00:00

I like to do something at least semi-active, particularly Axe throwing. It’s becoming more popular so there’s usually places to go and do it, plus it’s something that’s active and fun with lots of opportunities for playful teasing and banter, and I can show a bit of athleticism because I’m good at it, there’s an element of danger which makes it exciting and usually some of the places serve drinks so it’s lighter and less awkward than starting at each other across a dinner table. Plus most women I go out with haven’t done that so it associates me with a positive new experience. I’ve had pretty good luck with it. I also like rock climbing at an indoor gym.
It’s worth noting that I run this by her before hand and make sure she’s comfortable with the plan and shows up dressed appropriately, especially for rock climbing.

zertsetzung · 2024-01-30T04:17:01+00:00

Eating tends to make people tired afterward. People who are tired tend to not want to do things. That includes sex. What does that mean? You just introduced an excuse that a girl can lean on to not go back to your place [and have sex].

Alternative? Coffee date. Why? Its cheaper. Coffee can be an aphrodesiac for many people. And blah blahblah

void-space- · 2024-01-30T08:56:05+00:00

i disagree with this:

dinner dates are my go to first dates, though i tend to meet women not on dating apps.

you can avoid sitting across from them by sitting at a bar if the restaurant has one. most nice restaurants i’ve been to in a large city has bar seating. this allows you sit next to each other and then you can mix food and drinks together. after dinner you can go to other spots so the date can continue onward late into the night

there is a general excitement about going to a nice restaurant at night with a nice looking girl. she’s happy, you’re happy and you’re both about to eat well and try some great dishes

Kagenikakushiteru · 2024-01-30T09:15:07+00:00

I always do dinners. Cost is not an issue for me. Always makes drinks more fun after.

Only one time I had a boring dinner

Chavo9-5171 · 2024-01-30T10:19:07+00:00

Museums are kinda iffy in terms of admission prices. For two people, it could almost be the price of a meal.

briefbrisket · 2024-01-30T12:48:03+00:00

I always did Dave and Busters for first dates. You can play a few games have a few beers, and it’s pretty laid back environment.

bansheebot1233 · 2024-01-30T14:13:01+00:00

Every time I’ve asked a girl out to dinner first date or not it’s been great and I’ve always had success

aceeb25 · 2024-01-30T14:34:33+00:00

All good points actually, my only criticism is that you mentioned coffee shop as an alternative which personally, like eating in front of someone, can be a bit gross and a turn off. Coffee breath is such a turn off for me and it’s so easy to get it. Just a couple sips and your breath is bad and mouth tastes like shit until you brush your teeth. I’d never want to kiss someone or talk close to someone after drinking it but maybe that’s just me. I don’t really indulge in it

stainlessflamingo · 2024-01-30T14:43:22+00:00

if you do end up at a restaurant, arrive before her and get the table (not a booth), have the waiter place her setting/menu in the seat NEXT to you, not across. much more intimate.

CreativeEngineer689 · 2024-01-30T16:17:38+00:00

I prioritize settings that minimize disruptions and uncertainties, period.

I don't want to be limited to making dates only during the week, which will only lessen but not eliminate problems.

A middle ground might be a wine bar that takes reservations, but such places are rare around here and the drinks will be pricey too. You can spend a shit ton on just alcohol.

I won't eat otherwise.

My last date was saturday at a really awesome pizza place and only cost 60 bucks with drinks.

No I am not drinking a virgin drink, what a joke. I separate each drink with a water. My liver thanks me for not going to dates where I only have alcohol.

I do all of my screening before the first date.

Making a reservation is essential for me as it ensures prompt seating upon arrival and establishes a clear commitment to the date. I am seated and comfortable when she arrives.

If there is no reservation I am at the restaurant 30 minutes early locking proper seating down, which I don't like doing. Some places around here have 30 minute waits.

Having a reservation creates an obligation for her, if she cancels I have zero problems never talking to her again.

I don't want any type of raised seating or anything that invite disruptions from other people, especially if there is PDA.

I want guaranteed parking and a semi-discrete parking spot. The goal is to get my dick wet the day of but if that needs to wait so she doesn't feel like a whore that's fine too but there is a time limit.

I don't want anyone interacting with my date and I other than a server. Booths and restaurants that require reservations keep the buffoonery away from me.

I don't mind jumping to a bar or second location but I usually find it unnecessary.

I don't have an issue with getting up and moving to the other side of the table when the time is right, or asking her to. I've done it a million times. Also lots of places have square or round tables where you can sit adjacent to them anyway, just move their silverware there before they arrive.

I have a strong aversion to coffee, so coffee dates are not an option for me.

I want to see how she dresses in this environment. I am looking for a woman who dresses a certain way. Ideally I want to see high heels, cleavage, an hourglass, hair and makeup.

Cultural activities such as visiting museums or gardens are activities I might consider for subsequent dates, once the relationship has become sexual, otherwise it is too unpredictable.

cpcallen · 2024-01-30T17:59:55+00:00

Your points are well taken, but I think you're wrong to suggest that dinner is always a terrible idea. I think it can be a great idea:

when you already know the woman (e.g. through a sporting activity, or Facetime dates) and have established attraction, and/or
as a second or third location following a promising drinks / activity date, and/or
when you want to show you're serious (e.g. probably relationship oriented) and are reasonably confident that she is as well.

elStoogeDR · 2024-01-30T18:34:51+00:00

Lol at these guys spending $100 on a dinner date. Save that for the gf

Title	Dinner is a TERRIBLE first date idea! Why you should always avoid it
Author	mjornir
Upvotes	271
Comments	116
Date	January 29, 2024 9:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ae6l8b/dinner_is_a_terrible_first_date_idea_why_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dinner-is-a-terrible-first-date-idea-why-you.1427905 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427905

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