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GlowinUp8 · 2022-07-19T06:36:29+00:00

You can do both at the same time. Improvement also means doing the things you want to do so go ahead and talk to girls. It can be part of your improvement as well.

Turbopre2 · 2022-07-19T06:36:31+00:00

Do both. Talking to girls in itself is like a muscle and if you don't exercise it then you'll have a bad time.

knueverl17 · 2022-07-19T06:54:20+00:00

Do both. Game isn’t something that just turns on. You get better at it the more you work at it. Keep improving every aspect of yourself. You’ll get there.

Additional-Reply7798 · 2022-07-19T11:40:09+00:00

Before you start feeling sorry for yourself and go black pill on us. Just remember even the most good looking men still get rejected. Also just never be unsure of yourself noatter what.

However saying that its obvious you need to lose the weight mate. You can ignore reality but not the consequence of reality.

Try going for the x shape , broad shoulders small waist. Good legs.

intensely_human · 2022-07-19T07:17:06+00:00

You should do both.

You don’t have to approach as often but if you stop doing it then the rejection fear can re-form. Also practice makes perfect. A master has failed more times than a novice has tried.

But you should definitely focus daily on self improvement.

backindis · 2022-07-19T07:18:50+00:00

As others said, do both but approach very minimal

Definitely work on yourself as a priority

You can always revisit cold approach when you’re older and hopefully have other areas of your life in order

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-19T10:45:35+00:00

Post some photos of yourself to see what you look like and what fashion tips we can give you. I find many men are totally oblivious to how they look and come across. Most guys who complain about not getting dates on Tinder look like shit.

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-07-19T08:27:47+00:00

Honestly, I did what you consider, it was easy at first but once I got to be more confident and more attractive girls started to notice me so it was harder in the end that I can't approach her because I still have to focus on myself. It's a better approach if you focus on both at the same time, it's possible that you can improve your game and improve yourself to be a more high value. Most of the time if you don't get the results you want usually just because you got the wrong strategy. ofc is easier to give and so you don't have to figure things out but its a smarter approach if you work on your weak point and fix your strategy so at least you give it a chance to work out

darquesse943 · 2022-07-19T13:12:38+00:00

Cold approach has very low success rate any way. If you try approaching friends or friends of friends you’ll see that your success rate will increase

bandsupjay · 2022-07-19T14:17:09+00:00

Just try to drop your weight and see why girls arent approving of you. Just because you approach girls doesnt mean youre gonna get em and i see that you know that now, maybe you appear too needy or just dont seem like a good fit, regardless u know cause im not u so play around with it and see what you can improve on internally. Maybe u just dont give off a good vibe that lets girls know you’re good enough or some shit i dont know. But trying to become perfect and putting off years is stupid and youre going to regret it. You’re fine now. Fix the current problems and get in shape. Ur young dawg. My word of advice is though less you try more you get it. I dont think u need to try to become more funny and charismatic, all that is bullshit unless ur really fucking dull. What u need is to be comfortable with yourself and show your sense of humour and start liking yourself. Then once you’ve actually unlocked your personality and you arent hiding yourself, shit will come. Make sure you arent doing that or you’ll never attract the people you want in your life. It starts with u internally then everything else shows. Unless youre a fucking rock u dont need to try to be “more funny”. What u need to do is show yourself more, and dont let that go over ur head

montanalombardy · 2022-07-19T14:30:51+00:00

If you aren't BOTH constantly improving and talking to girls, you are wasting your time imo (unless you are in a relationshiip already).

Like it's not one of the other bro. And it's kinda toxic to think you need to improve before you deserve a relationship/sex.

Cold approach might not be for you right now though, I'd say build a social circle and meet women through that.

Aerial_penguin · 2022-07-19T14:46:42+00:00

Is your goal to get the number or is your goal to enjoy the conversation and have fun

2022-07-19T15:24:01+00:00

Focus on loosing weight or on girls that like you. 230lbs is too much. I have same height and was @ 240lbs, i was so fucking ugly, my face ...a blob.

Put an effort to eat less for 3 months and you can loose 20-30lbs (a major change in look).

Tr0ubLe777 · 2022-07-19T15:40:43+00:00

Try mewing, maybe it's your face.

EquivalentAd9241 · 2022-07-19T16:38:44+00:00

Do both. Maybe a 60-70% focus on the improvement end. But you can't abandon not talking to women or you become rusty as fuck. Every sauce needs seasoning. Figure out the spices you need to become the best version of yourself

Bus1nessn00b · 2022-07-20T00:32:58+00:00

You are doing great!

Don’t stop approaching and don’t stop improving.

Repetition is the mother of skill 😉

LifeIC · 2022-07-20T00:58:22+00:00

80 is not 300. 300 is not 3 million. Life is abundant with people. Keep connecting with others and you'll come across the right people for you. Also, always focus on living your best life regardless of a relationship.

FranciscotheBull · 2022-07-20T01:07:30+00:00

Firstly, I would like to say don't let anyone or anything diminish yourself as a person and change you in any way. Self respect is self love. I don't know you on a personal level or know anything based on the post you just put in, it seems like you are a good person.

Focus on yourself. Do what you were mentioning; get in shape, work on some sort of style of fashion in dressing nice and/or presentable, and develop yourself in school/career and keep improving yourself as a person overall.

Guys typically get rejected and/or ghosted anyways and you are not the only person who has those feelings of being numb to rejection. Don't let rejection change your mindset or view of yourself as a person. Guys typically don't have an easy time getting a woman for a date or even a casual sexual partner.

You can still do both; improve yourself as mentioned before and also approach women. You will feel more confident and will be able to approach more women as you build on yourself. If they reject you or ghost you, it is their loss; not your loss. Also, don't burn bridges. If you develop close relationships with co-workers who are females, they may know a friend who is single. Most people meet their future partner in college, at work, or through friends, co-workers, or family members. Keep options open. I would also suggest finding places, activities, or forums, with common interests and be involved in some sort of community. You can find a potential partner anywhere, but put yourself out there as well.

You are still young. Don't let people and their actions change who you are as an individual.

justinl1343 · 2022-07-20T01:46:17+00:00

Cold approaching is improving yourself. It's building your social skills. If someone had a magic wand , waved it and had you lose 30 pounds, give you muscles , give you the best clothes, style etc. Immediately and you went out cold approaches. You probably will only be doing slightly better than what your doing now and that would be from shallow women.You'll probably get more looks for sure but if you don't have confidence in your ability as a man, can't flirt, tease, or make a connection. Your not going to get her. That's why cold approach is great. You can build this confidence with minimal risk.

Focus on creating a connection with the women you approach. What do you have in common, What do you disagree with her on, what do you like about her, what do you dislike about her. Get comfortable flirting and teasing. Get better Physically escalating when you go on dates. This isnt going to happen over night. Just like gaining muscle and losing weight doesnt happen overnight. Keep putting in the reps and think "what could I have done better. " Even if it didn't matter, ask yourself what you could have done better and improve on it.

Nullroute127 · 2022-07-20T01:48:49+00:00

Your height and weight aren't the whole picture for physical appearance. If you told me you were a college defensive lineman you're probably fine. However, you mentioned dropping weight so I assume you aren't happy with where you are - that's OK.

For the 80 approaches you did, it's UNLIKELY your lack of success is due to your physical appearance. More likely you're repeating some mistakes, not knowing they're mistakes because you haven't got the feedback to analyze it objectively. There are absolute troll-looking men out there dating models - they have something other than their looks that is compelling. Intellect, wealth, charm, status, etc. can be worth much more to women than aesthetics.

I think a mistake both genders make is that we project what we we want in a partner as something that they want in us. However, most men would rather date the young, attractive McDonald's cashier that's fun to be around rather than the career woman who acts more masculine than feminine. Similarly, many career women think men are attracted to their degrees and title when we're simply not.

Point being. Do you improve or continue pickup? The answer is yes. Do both, simultaneously.

You need a strategy to figure out where to improve. This may mean going out with a hidden microphone, and reviewing your dialog after the fact. Alternatively, going out with a friend who stays within earshot. It could also be following material from various pickup coaches and reflecting on things you've done in the past go against what they teach.

It's basically impossible that you have a your 80/80 approaches failed ONLY due to your looks. This should be good news - there's something you can begin RIGHT NOW and will need to be done anyway even if you woke up as Channing Tatum tomorrow.

Mistermistery101 · 2022-07-20T03:31:14+00:00

If what you're saying is true, then I would say it's time to find outside help. As in finding a wingman, or even hiring a coach. You need someone who can view your interactions with these girl and will be able to give you constructive criticism.

There's obviously SOMETHING wrong. But it could be anything. It could really be the size, or your clothes, but it could just as easily be your verbal or non verbal behavior that you aren't aware of. My point being, getting outside help from someone who can look at your approaches with a critical eye will help you pin point what's going on.

2022-07-20T04:18:54+00:00

Seek friendships with women without expectations of dating or sex. Keep the women you want to date or are interested separate from that. Find value in yourself outside of traditional masculinity or materialism. Build up your character and mentally feed yourself with different topics. Try out different hobbies and workouts. Learn how to take rejection without it damaging your self image or need for validation.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	42
Date	July 19, 2022 6:27 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w2lpjr/should_i_just_focus_on_improving_or_still_cold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1254118 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254118

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