I came to the realization that I am just so weird.

Captain-Stubing · 2022-03-22T00:28:39+00:00

You think you're weird, thats going to work against you subconsciously if your goal is to get laid. Immediately when you start talking to a girl you're going to start feeling sorry for her because she has to interact with you.

cormacru999 · 2022-03-22T00:41:26+00:00

First, you deserve sympathy when you struggle & its toxic to think that you need to say that before you share that you're struggling. We should all be more empathetic.

Second, you're not weird, you're inexperienced & it makes you uncomfortable, which can have a variety of issues then.

My advice, which I say all the time here & many men get very upset, is stop talking to other men about what they think you should do. Start looking towards what women say they like AND what they hate. Women are posting, writing articles, essays, making videos, etc about their experiences & lives, their desires & wishes, & this is very important, their fears about men, which are based on the very real reality of how many men are problematic or dangerous.

Now, going by what you said, I'm going to read into it a bit, & I think what you mean, which is also common, is that you're either "basic," meaning you talk about just stuff, weather, schoolwork,a job - or - "you go deep" & scare them, meaning you start talking about how much you like them or how attractive they are.

The easiest way to have a nature conversation is to get people to talk about themselves, most people want to & whenever you show that you can listen & are interested, not only are you several steps ahead of most men, but people feel genuinely seen or heard, which is deeply important to the human psyche. Avoid talking about their appearance or how hot you think they are. I would skip any lame starters like what's your favorite color, but what's your favorite food is not a bad one.

The other part of that though is that you need to be able to talk a bit about what you talk about, so if you don't know anything about food or cooking, I'd avoid that type of conversation. If the things you know about are not things women are interested in, then expand your learning, learn more so you can talk about more.

spicy_simba · 2022-03-22T10:15:53+00:00

Hi there buddy,

I would not call that weird.

A baby that does not know how to walk is not weird,

A baby goes about a thousand times to stand up and falls and tries again,

When you compare a 1 year old to a 5 year old you do not conclude the 1 year old is weird.

You are going through a path many went through, does it feel weird ? Probably yes ! Does that make you weird ? No

What you feel is valid in a sense you observed something happened in retrospect , but your conclusion is incorrect.

Its a common trap to fall into such conclusions, into feeling ashamed of guilty or self pity or feeling broken,.

these are not conclusions but narratives, our minds like narrative because they allow them to rest and not question things, and we are geared to save energy, emotionally though these narratives are quite draining as one keeps spiraling,

If a baby gets into a narrative of " i can't walk", chances are he never will.

Any conclusion that you hear yourself "am this or that , that's it " is potentially a narrative waiting to be challenged

I used to say "am an introvert, therefore i dont like to meet people or go to parties, leave me alone in my room" and for many years i did that.

Narratives become self fulfilling prophecies because our minds like to stay consistent.

Cheers, take a deep breath and try again to stand up,

epimpstyle · 2022-03-22T09:56:38+00:00

No clear answer to your problem, let's fix everything:

- You don't know how to text - this is not a problem, texting is only for establishing a date with a girl, no chatting because you must always act like you are busy, you have no time for chatting. Why? In just a few words: if you have much free time with her, then maybe you have time to chat with other girls, she is not special.

- how to talk to them - this is a natural thing, do not expect that after your interaction the girl will follow you to your home. Do not have any expectations, you talk to her because you are a social person who is enjoying life. Put some music on your phone from a radio station and pretend like you like the music but you don't know who is the singer (or if you know, pretend that you don't know him at the moment), ask who is the singer (it doesn't matter if she knows him or not, it is just an ice breaker, it is like "do you have a light?"). Also, it is just a question, it doesn't matter her answer but you will feel whether you can continue to talk to her for a minute or go away. It is not nice to stay longer to talk to her, about 2-3 minutes is enough but of course, if she likes you, you will notice and you can ask for her contact details (facebook, instagram - not directly for her phone number!)

- waiting for a signal from her: this is wrong! Many times she has already seen you from away (the girls are very discreet). Although it doesn't matter if she gives you a signal or not. I saw many teenage extrovert guys who are going near a girl (even to their back) and they scream with the intent to scare her. Some girls might get upset but usually, all of them are laughing. If the girl is upset "sorry I thought it is funny, let me take you to a coffee....", if the girl is laughing... then it is very easy.

- if you don't know what to talk about... I said many times on reddit to invent a story. Nobody cares what you are saying. "Yesterday was a fight near that building" Why? "Because I said hello only to one of them..." or "because a girl didn't like the t-shirt of the other girl".

It does matter if it is real or not? You can open a new topic of discussion.. but always be positive (it is not nice at all to complain about the food, outfit, politic, weather... do not complain about anything).

Acceptable-Bicycle24 · 2022-03-21T23:51:31+00:00

relatable unfortunately

EnvironmentalRule525 · 2022-03-22T01:04:11+00:00

I would work on socializing in general, maybe do toastmasters or some shit like that, but you’re not weird, you just need practice talking to people.

If all else fails, booze.

MoonMan12321 · 2022-03-22T04:06:00+00:00

Aspie? Edit: keep finding the girl you vibe with. It's not worth it morphing according to the other person. Surely you can do it to an extent, but you'll not really feel it in the end. Keep finding women that you can vibe with, there are plenty, just don't feel rejected everytime one doesn't want to talk to you. They don't want it, move on. I know it's hard, but that's how life works.

SonyHDSmartTV · 2022-03-22T09:25:33+00:00

Might be good to speak to a therapist. They help you understand your own quirks, idiosyncrasies and insecurities. Once you understand yourself you can understand when an insecurity is causing you to feel weird/disconnected around someone.

For example, if you feel like you're acting weird it might be because of some experience that happened if your childhood that's unconsciously affecting you now. If you've acknowledged that childhood experience it's easier to ignore the weird feeling and act in rebellion to it, once you start doing this you can eventually change the reaction.

max_insa · 2022-03-22T09:54:47+00:00

Well maybe start talking to girls?

You said yourself that you don't approach girls whatsoever. If you want to learn anything, you have to practice.

You can't just complain that you don't know how to if you don't even try to get better at it.

cris92bb · 2022-03-22T10:08:06+00:00

I'm quite the same, sometimes things just flow, having a good time, and then all of a sudden you think you f*cked up everything and you did everything possible to be weird.

But you know what?

You are just judging yourself in a very harsh way.

In these cases just try to understand that the only feedback you are having is your own judging 😌

Don't overthink and try to practice a hobby(book, videogames, studying whatever, walk, run, music) when it happens, so you stop for a while being harsh with you and do something that you enjoy

I hope It does make sense 😅

SnooMachines1406 · 2022-03-22T14:10:22+00:00

Your not weird cause everyone has there quirks, your just insecure. Own your insecurity man. watch this link it talks about how the way to get women is owning whatever problems you have and not seeing them as problems. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsazqTzZZaw

DoctorForesight · 2022-03-22T15:18:55+00:00

I know the feeling. I think my lack of social skills negates the fact that I'm 6' and good looking. I'm practicing and trying as much as I can so hopefully things will improve.

rjones416 · 2022-03-22T17:47:50+00:00

just get more practice. try online dating and start talking to any fat lonely woman that responds. text her and talk on the phone. just get used to having a conversation with women.

Rich_Analyst_3961 · 2022-03-22T18:30:12+00:00

You need to get the book No more Mr. Nice guy. Read it and listen to it over and over until it sinks in.

itayiinbar1 · 2022-03-22T19:02:10+00:00

bro social skills are skills like any skill you can level this up even if you're level 0

Key-Wishbone-3288 · 2022-03-23T17:19:00+00:00

Do me a favour and when your thinking like that say this to yourself: I’m happy I’m sexy I’m confident and when your head makes you think it’s not true say it again. It sounds like a waste of time but it works wonders and it only takes 1 second to say it

Title	I came to the realization that I am just so weird.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	60
Comments	36
Date	March 21, 2022 11:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tjp1nf/i_came_to_the_realization_that_i_am_just_so_weird/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-came-to-the-realization-that-i-am-just-so-weird.1264000 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264000

Comments