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[β]Creative_Wallaby_439 62 points63 points64 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude your message is full cringe and foesnt sound confident at all
[β]BroknThot 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Got it. I should not have sent the text at all and just asked her, when she is good to hangout again?
[β]Creative_Wallaby_439 42 points43 points44 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think its always best to frame it as "hey im going to do 'x' on 'y' day if you want to join"
If you ask when SHE'S good to hang out, you are saying you are waiting around for her.
Things you did wrong in your text:
Length
You said you liked her. You barely know her dude.
Admitted you feel you are socially inept
Told her that she made your night. You are saying she is valuable, ypu need to make yourself tbe prize
Apologized for feeling awkward
Admitted to being nervous (not confident or in control)
The last 6 sentences should never ever be repeated again
[β][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Sigh. All that was required was texting hey and signing your name. You went 0 to 1000, self-deprecated, and put her on a pedestal. She's just a human, man.
[β]BroknThot 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I know man :(
[β][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Been there. Long ago. But I've def been there. Here are a few key mindsets for the future:
I'm on my own unique journey. What I currently perceive as a big deal, I might laugh at 5 years from now. Nonetheless, as long as I'm improving, and learning, I'm happy.
That unique journey doesn't necessarily need to be shared with other people. Wait until they've proven a good investment. Your journey is PERSONAL and your own to carry. Honor that.
Assume familiarity. Many things are only a big deal, if you make them a big deal. People are more likely to feel comfortable around you when you skip all the formalities and platitudes, and just get to know them behind the mask.
Keep things light and playful and assume the positive. Even in your edit, you're still apologizing and confessing and talking about feeling "icky" and "you would never hang out with me." This makes the woman feel creeped out and like there's all this pressure. You've built this entire narrative with her at the center of it and it is not endearing or attractive and does not lead to good outcomes. She also recalls other Nice Guys, many of whom weren't so nice once she rejected their romantic advances. You've met her ONCE ffs. It takes some guys a long time to get out of this default. But you must.
[β]BroknThot 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Man, yes i want to learn and get out of this brother. I appreciate your comments on this. The reason i sent the messages was to accept what i had done, i do not think, i would have gotten a response at all if i had not done that. And i want to change how it is. She replied asking for what the idea is. Shall i go tell the idea or not tell her anything, and just do it next Thursday?
[β][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
The reason i sent the messages was to accept what i had done,
"Accept[ing]" what you did (what exactly do you think you did?) does not require sending a message.
i do not think, i would have gotten a response at all if i had not done that.
Anyone can reply to anything. Doesn't mean you're operating within a dynamic that is flattering. You would've been better off blaming that entire needy screed on your twin brother.
And i want to change how it is. She replied asking for what the idea is. Shall i go tell the idea or not tell her anything, and just do it next Thursday?
Might as well go through the process and see where this leads with your own two eyes. But I'm pretty sure you're not meeting this girl in a romantic context ever. Best bet is to try again with a new girl and avoid these fundamental mistakes. But you need to internalize that acting like you're an imposition and not worth a damn will never be attractive or endearing.
[β]BroknThot 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just saw your pinned posts on your page. Thank you so much man! I am going to read those.
[β][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Happy to help man. I wouldn't be where I am now unless people helped me when I was coming up too.
[β]thelambofdeth 67 points68 points69 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You paid for her drink AND sent that. There's no way you actually sent that text...it's cringe af and no sane woman, let alone one you met at a bar will respond to that. Why did you basically send a love letter?
This has to be trolling lol.
[β]BroknThot 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Suggestions, how I could have done better?
[β]thelambofdeth 44 points45 points46 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Dude think about it from her perspective: you bought her drinks, followed her around all night without making a move, told her how great she is, and basically gave her a declaration of love via text. She has already received all of the validation from you. There's no mystery or intrigue. You couldn't have simped harder if you tried.
You should've made her earn that drink, flirted more, or at the least held back some with all the attention and compliments. Save that chit for when you're dating.
[β]stanthemilkman88 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Don't forget saying. "I'm sorry" for no reason. The hell are you apologizing and debasing yourself for?
[β]thelambofdeth 24 points25 points26 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
His post needs to be saved as a reference for a simp handbook or something. His entire post was like the perfect playbook for a simp night out.
[β]stanthemilkman88 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeahhh, lol. Well hopefully he'll learn something from it.
[β]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Doesn't seem like it. Read the edit of his OP at the end smh.
[β]stanthemilkman88 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well....yeah... not ideal. at least he is getting out there and trying to unautism himself. I'll at least give him that.
[β]ignitedwolf9200 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP probs followed this lady around like a puppy. WEIRD
[β]jdgrazia 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
a simple ":)" would have been fine
[β]Grishnuf 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What works 100% all the time: "Hey xy :-) It was a really nice having a drink with you... How are you, how was your day today?"
The rest come from alone man... Keep it short and simple... later you ask "What are you doing on Friday, any plans?"...
Boom. That's it.
[β]Pluglord 38 points39 points40 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why are you talking to a girl you just met about your lack of social skills? This isnβt sexy. Your giving away too much too soon. You donβt know this woman.
Try not to send more than 2 sentences at once when texting a woman. Be mysterious. Less is more. The text you sent was just cringy and uncalled for.
[β][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
She's not interested. Don't talk to her ever again, unless she initiates. Don't ever look desperate for a woman.
[β]SpookyKG 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
super cringe.
'Nice pipes, you had the room jamming! - *name*'
That's IT. That's all your first text is.
And after that? You still don't flood her with tons of bullshit. You make conversation and tell her you should get together sometime.
[β]jdgrazia 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
dude, you are too focused on this one girl. if you go back to that bar say hi but don't talk to that girl again until she sees you leave with another girl.
[β]7asas 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your message shows no confidence. It just sounds like a message of a total simp. Don't be like that, be more manly more confident. Imagine a cool guy that you could look up to, would he write messages like that? I don't think so.. π€
[β]HeavyMetalLyrics 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lmao This was you:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DU3Pk6oDNRU
[β]BroknThot 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I watched and feel so many emotions man. thanks for sharing! Learning!
[β]bewaregravity 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
thank you. seems like a good movie.
[β]The-Bull89 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You done goof'd op.
Forget meeting up with this girl, and just take the loss.
On the plus side there are some positives you can takeaway and you can learn from where you went wrong.
You successfully approached an attractive female in a social setting. The approach obviously went well as she invited you to her group. You number closed. These are all things you did well and should gain confidence from. This is a numbers game after all and approaching can often be the most challenging part.
Where you failed was you didn't escalate on the night. Without being too obvious you need to let her know your interested in her sexually. When you asked her to hang out sometime it sounds like you lacked confidence and conviction. Don't think I need to mention the text messages enough has been said about that.
Main takeaway here is don't let this knock you back. Lions don't catch thier prey on thier first ever attempt. Keep your chin up, go out there and make more approaches.
[β][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You went to a bar, met a bar-hopping hot girl with a great singing voice, who has tons of options and gets lots of attention.
The content of your text doesn't even matter here. Unless you are Young Brad Pitt incarnate, I would not expect much from this encounter.
[β]bewaregravity 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
can this get Pinned as a lesson ?
[β]Fiftyonefourty9 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This belongs in r/sadcringe
[β]Amkg2020 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Be patient who cares , ya might get lucky ya might not keep playing and if she texts try and score
[β]ActiveRooster2926 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not to mention his spelling and grammatical errors. Irrespective of what the future brings. That doesn't make any sense. Apologizing for what ? Definitely throwing too much at her.
Keep it short, simple and sweet. Gl I wish you the best go get her tiger !
[β]Sakred 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I am not trying to judge you just to share the uncomfortable truths I believe to be the case here. I'm not sure why everyone is ripping on you, as if we all haven't been awkward af at one point or another.
You do not see yourself as equal or worthy. You're emotional and lack balance. Your social awkwardness is demonstrated in that you do not understand how to properly calibrate your rapport in terms of showing interest, admiration, and affection. It should be reciprocal and roughly equal in terms of strength and frequency. Being the initiator of such things is good and demonstrates a certain strength and vulnerability, but too much too soon or without warrant is low value behavior. The nuance there will take a while to master. Scale back your eagerness by 90%. In general I would guess you need to stop apologizing for existing. You're a mother fucking human being, start acting like you belong because you do. Humility is good, but you need to balance it with an understanding of your value as a consciousness experiencing this existence we all weave together.
You have repeatedly demonstrated that you consider yourself low value.
You have elevated her above yourself after knowing her for less than a day.
The imbalance you created is probably not one you can fix with more words over text, you're just going to end up digging the hole deeper, which you have done with your initial attempts to salvage what you're in the process of ruining. No self respecting man will say he felt 'icky'.
You can't unsay what you've said. The good thing is that although the damage is done, if you're able to cease this type of behavior entirely, it's possible she may let it slide and let you define yourself differently. She seems pretty chill, and will likely keep responding until you completely hang yourself. Just stop drawing attention to 'it.' Stop apologizing. Don't even acknowledge that it happened. Awkwardness passes the moment it happens unless you keep carrying it with you.
[β]BroknThot 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I really appreciate your reply brother. Yes, I have come a long way and still a long way to go. I was unable to talk to any stranger so far. So this is big for me. I did get hooked to my ego at some point in the process and i thing the only big fuckup I did was sending that text which I have learnt from. Yes no need to apologize and no need to dig the hole bigger. I just have to let this pass and be fine with it. Just observe myself and not let ego take over everything.
I am an immigrant living in a totally different country and brought up with different values. Did not have much experience growing in my country to talk to girls or women. And I am slowly getting there. All the comments have been really worthy and for me to learn from. I don't take any of these personally and this will help me go to the next step. I really appreciate everyone taking the time and helping me understand the different perspective. Helps me take understand how it is really, then what my ego shows.
[β]Sakred 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just observe myself and not let ego take over everything.
There you go. You've got it. Just keep your awareness about you.
[β]TheCaribbeanRedditor 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the way to go and the way to react.
I do think your socialisation has a way to go. In order to be good at seduction, you have to be good at reading and understanding social cues (calibration), creating positive interactions, etc. This will be difficult if you're from a different culture and language.
For the next few months, focus on building your social network, actually meeting and speaking to people. By all means speak to women, but it shouldn't be your main focus right now.
[+][deleted] -10 points-9 points-8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Personally sounds like she can fuck off like most girls
[β]SlyderKmK 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha...wow. im just really hoping this is a troll job. If not, man....you just really need some major help!!!
[β]nelsne 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is common as dirt
[β]sergeiglimis 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep it under 2 sentences, rule of thumb, funny, hint of sexuality, silly.
[β]ElToreroo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ooofff this was hard to read you need to learn to keep your personal shit to yourself when you first meet someone
For the love of everything holy, please do NOT go back to the bar hoping to find this woman.
Just...leave her alone. There are other women at the bar, and at other bars, that you SHOULD be talking to. Go find them.
[β]Mellow_Avenue 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Must be a troll shitpost.
[β]Benbig_ppdover 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Move on.
[β]hahawhoa 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't mean to be a dick but LMAO
[β]mjornir 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ew dude you reek of insecurity
but to answer your question, I think you should not think about it at all. move the fuck on who cares
[β]kacey- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya bro that reads like a text i sent a girl while I was high on oxy and morphine after surgery in highschool. Cringe af
[β]iluvreddit 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck man⦠you need serious help
[β][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For a second I thought this was in /r/roastme
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