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[–]LIVIU24 114 points115 points116 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
So you asked her out and she said no?The better strategy is to move on,sure you might try to do x and y ,but there's a high chance you're wasting your time.
[–]rickrossroll 41 points42 points43 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is the best attitude. Abundance mentality/outcome independence is crucial, irs a win-win, you pursue other women, and date them, and increases the possibility her attraction to you by the fact that you aren't fawning over her, she sees you dating other women (which increase your value/social proof)
[–]RytekBJJ 9 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I do date other women, just not at the MMA class. I'm not fawning over her, but we're both going to see each other in class. I'm not going to initiate any interactions, but if she initiates a conversation before or after class I'm not going to ignore her completely either.
[–]rickrossroll 16 points17 points18 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
TBF I wouldn't date anyone in my place of work, or where i spend a huge chunk of my time (like MMA class or a gym). Too much risk for drama and conflicts.
Either way she probably didn't want to partner with you the first time because your teasing other women (or her) came off as rude or mean, and not playful. She also probably read your reaction afterward and and felt bad, or she was messing with you the first time and you didn't figure it out. Either way she rolled with you the second time and it seemed like fun. But again, I'd caution shitting where you're eating on this one.
[–]RytekBJJ7 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I typically don't date women in male dominated scenarios because the odds are unfavorable, but for whatever reason I was really attracted to her so I went for it.
I went out with a coworker once, we went out one time, then she told me she has a boyfriend she'd been living with for three years. Needless to say she felt embarrassed and ashamed. She avoided me as much as possible, then she realized I would still treat her the same as any other coworker and eventually she started acting normal again.
[–]Mathieulombardi 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To each their own.
[–]riche_god 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I honesty think you asked too soon. She was starting to warm up and develop an opinion of you. You didn't build any tension.
[–]RytekBJJ1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yeah, that's a strong possibility. I think I do that a lot, and she is definitely shy, I don't see her socialize with the other females before/after class at all she just stands there waiting for class to start.
I worked at a hospital for like 4 years in IT, up until a year ago. Since there is a very high percentage of females there, I didn't even have to try to get dates and I got lazy. I was actually just listening to a Podcast on building emotional tension with women and it seems to describe what I've been experience a lot, frequently women who seem interested won't schedule a date or give me their number. So I'll have to practice that more.
[–]jackzander 15 points16 points17 points 9 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
take the approach of making guy friends and teasing the other women to social proof.
Ah, to be in 3rd grade again. Really though, the sooner you just learn to be chill around women, the better.
but if she initiates with me should I be flirty?
If you enjoy flirting without expectation (I do), then sure. Knock yourself out. It's fun, and free practice. However, if the idea of never fucking her makes her uninteresting or frustrating to you, do both of you a favor and direct your energies elsewhere.
Women in male-dominated atmospheres seldom show up just to get attention. There's a reason she keeps coming back to class, and you'll have better luck exploring that mystery than trying to script your future interactions with basic PUA tropes.
[–]RytekBJJ2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
By tease I just mean being playful and joking in a non-sexual manner. For example, there's a couple girls there still in high school, and they giggle a lot, so for example I joke that the are practicing their elmo technique. But I'm not going to make friends with them in the same way I would with a guy.
I agree, flirt without expectation, but since I asked her out she knows for sure I like her so she could read expectation into it. When I've had women continue to flirt with me after I said no it definitely feels a little pathetic on their part, but then again when a woman wants to know what gym you lift at and then next time tells you she didn't see you when she was there, it's hard not to think she has expectations.
[–]altiuscitiusfortius 7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ive done judo with women, and you have to be very careful not to sexualize them. Its makes class awkward for you and them, and they will tell other people and it will make all of class awkward for you.
That's just in class though. We had monthly judo beer and pizza nights, and I never went home from one of those alone. Also at out of town tournaments in high school and university, there was an ungodly amount of fucking going on. Judo girls like to get it on. I would expect MMA girls are the same.
I would try to set up some sort of group outing (just say, hey anyone want to get pizza after Fridays class?), and hit on her there, and if it doesn't work, just drop it entirely and find somebody else. Or if you don't, be prepared for the idea that you might have to find a new MMA club soon...
[–]RytekBJJ 9 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
lol. I'm not mounting her with a hard on, pinning her hands to the mat, and giving her seductive looks. She started a conversion with me and I invited her out for coffee. If that makes anyone awkward they need to grow up.
However they do have some kinda of cookout event coming up in like a week or two. Probably would have been better for me to make my move then, but I can still stop by and be social with others and if she happens to approach me then I can get away with being a little more assertive.
[–]Falk358 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Im not mounting her with a hard on"
So thats how young helio gracie expanded the family, now i see.
[–]timurt421 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's the spirit
[–]guyinaustin 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why wouldn't "normal pickup" work?
[–]HaikusfromBuddha 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she flat out shot you down even after what you thought were laughs of affection it just may be her firendlyness that has you worked up. Were she really interested she would have agreed. Time to move on.
[–]mad-n-fla 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Use the Ferrari instead of the pickup....
/!
[–]Larry_Sync 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is not a "Normal Pickup" my friend, you either express yourself or not. Don't take me wrong, that doesn't mean to be too forward and uncallibrated, try to use your social mind but getting into "hide and seek" situations make it always more complicated. For future use, Social Proof is in all means good value source. But it shouldn't be your "Main Strategy" in any occasion. If it does, you loose other Alpha traits and you amplify insecurities (I'm not enough thinking etc). When you are able to trust solely your self, you communicational value in other words, that's when you show most self confidence and Value as an Attractive man. So, approach whoever you want as soon as posible, be anapologetic but callibrated, see social proof a bonus. Remember if you don't think it's normal, why should she?
[–]Murfdigidy 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Okay the key to getting shot down is this....ACT AS IF THIS CHANGES NOTHING OF HOW YOU ACT OR REACT IN FRONT OF HER!
The key to seduction is always always act as if nothing she does affects who you are. For example , you keep flirting you keep busting her balls, keep her laughing! In fact next time you see her bust her chops , laugh with her. She'll think in her head, wow I rejected this guy yet it didn't phase him what so ever, wow that's CONFIDENCE!
some girls say no and are scared but eventually emotions win, and if you continue being sexy and a fun ball buster she could change her mind.
Again you have no idea what she's going thru, she could have a guy she likes no one knows about. Her cat could be dying, her mom could be awful. Again don't assume rejection is something about you. That's why it's key to maintain frame.
The #1 aphrodisiac for all women is confidence. Maintain that frame and girls will naturally draw to you. See rejection as just a part of the obstacle course, keep on going don't lose frame!
You'll attract a lot more than you repel by having this attitude.
Don't change who you are and how you act!
Makes sense. I definitely get the impression she is very shy. I don't think I have ever seen her talk to the other women before or after class, so it's definitely possible I was too assertive and made her nervous, and given some time her attraction will go up.
When I asked her out we went back and forth several times with her saying saying stuff like "oh.. umm.." and "I don't know what to say to that". I can only think of one time I had a girl give me that kind of response, and she wouldn't give me her number but took mine and eventually did text me a week later and we did go out.
But yeah you're right, nothing changes. I'm just over thinking it because I was actually really excited to go out with her. Most of the women I go out with just happened to cross my path when I happened to be particularly horny, and theres not much to them but a pretty face, so it was nice to meet a woman I actually wanted to get to know. But don't get me wrong, I'm totally going to bang her first chance I get.
[–]txroller 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
asking a girl that you workout with out is a no-no jus saying
[–]Shittingburgers 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So you had your class and she laughed and enjoyed herself? It sounds like she was just enjoying being in her class and that you were, in a sense, neutral and safe. When you asked her out she threw up her defenses and shot you down.
It seems like she likes to be the one to move into that sort of relationship space. Which makes sense in an environment that has alot of testosterone in it. She wants to stay safe.
Stay visual, if there is a next time, thank her for the spar, truthfully compliment her skills and tell her next week you'll kick her butt! Then if you can, after the spar say something to the effect that you're spent and need to grab a smoothie somewhere. Then judge her response. If she smiles or says something to the similar, be nonchalant. Tell her she's free to join. It will seem less like a direct approach and more like a situation of coincidence.
I've had success with this in the past. The more my intentions are overt the less success I'd have. Be your confident self, have fun and stay the course. If she smiles, you're in.
Good luck, Champ!
[–]monkeyman114 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just roll with it. If she's friendly, be friendly back, she is wanting feedback.
[–]tckmachine 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Uh, are you really good or super good looking? Girls who go to MMA class usually are 1. super serious and not looking to meet guys there 2. or are super swooning over the coaches or some other super shredded guy.
I took martial arts super seriously and never hit on girls there so I can't help with specifics, but normal pickup always applies. Just got to tune it.
There is a reason why pickup encourages you to flirt and game all the time. You don't want flirting to be out of character. If you are 'that' guy then it is consistent with your personality, and it wouldn't be so weird/creepy if she didn't care for your advances.
Anyways, me personally, I'd avoid hitting on girls. One of our rival gyms was notorious for having a reputation for guys there fucking the chicks there. I hated that, and was pretty happy that our amateurs usually beat them.
[–]throwawayforFWB 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Were in the same situation here except the girl I talk to is at work. I work as a dishwasher in a restaurant and have been talking with a waitress for a while. She's exactly my type and we have plenty of common hobbies but when I asked about her plans on the weekend(hoping to go on a date) she said she was busy. It's completely obvious that she could have been totally busy but I got nervous and changed the subject and now I don't know how to re-approach.
[–]zworelange 9 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Do not do not do not do not do this.
For fuck's sake let people exercise in peace. Honestly, I think you should just drop it because it's better to have a good gym than a date.
I've never interrupted her peace. I'm not following her around in class trying to make a move on her. She started a social conversation with me and I asked her out. I doubt anyone there cares, but if they are upset about it they're the one who needs to grow up.
[–]zworelange 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
To me, the gym and training is more important than hooking up. It's a place I go where other bullshit isn't allowed to be. It's even worse than asking someone out at work in my mind.
If you're unsure about it, don't do it. It's just not an adult thing to do. There's a time and a place for what you're trying to do, and it ain't at the gym.
What do you mean not the adult thing to do? 40% of American couples reported they met thier spouse though work or a social setting, and another 40% though mutual friends. That's just how couoles meet.
I'm not like I'm trying to just bang her cuz I'm bored and horny. I'm genuinely interested in her. Sure, if we go out and she turns out to be some feminist vegan social justice warrior and I never want to see her again I'm not going to pump her and dump her, but I'm not going to hide my interest either just because it's "not the right place".
[–]malakoi -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
RemindMe! 1 day
[–]mancozbi -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What is - "a round of rolling in BJJ". Sounds kinky.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSkROTtZQ0E
[+]yummbeary -55 points-54 points-53 points 9 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Tease her, but in a friendly way, for example:
Tell her you like her, when she does something funny or cute: " haha, i think i like you :)", but then say that you shouldnt flirt so much in mma class and that you should keep it professional. Take it from there 😉
Edit: Keep iT professional
[–]Vince853 22 points23 points24 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What.the.fuck
[–]lordofdelama 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lol no
[–]heelsoverheadgb 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
lol xD
[–]yummbeary -2 points-1 points0 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
wtf, why did it get downvoted to hell. I said what the second highest comment said. This is a really good tease, not too cocky, not too boring. You need to say it confidently of course, not with a twitchy face.??
[–]heelsoverheadgb 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]LIVIU24 114 points115 points116 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]rickrossroll 41 points42 points43 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]rickrossroll 16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ7 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Mathieulombardi 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]riche_god 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]jackzander 15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]altiuscitiusfortius 7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Falk358 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]timurt421 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]guyinaustin 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HaikusfromBuddha 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mad-n-fla 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Larry_Sync 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Murfdigidy 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]txroller 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Shittingburgers 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]monkeyman114 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tckmachine 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawayforFWB 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zworelange [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]zworelange [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]malakoi -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mancozbi -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RytekBJJ1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[+]yummbeary -55 points-54 points-53 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Vince853 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lordofdelama 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]heelsoverheadgb 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]yummbeary -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]heelsoverheadgb 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link