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[–]Vanwaq 15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I feel the same way as you dude. I went to a college to obtain get a computer degree. 4 years with 23 men and 1 ugly fat chick. Even the college itself had no party atmosphere. It was a commuting school. Everyone left in the evening. I stayed off campus near the college and their was no parties. I would go to visit my friend in his university in the other side of the city and everyone looked like they were hooking up left and right. I went to some of their parties and they were insane. I am also 29 and feel like i missed out big time. Everyone always talking about how college/uni is the best time of your life and the amount of easy sex you have is crazy. I never had that and now i feel like im too old to go back and relieve it. sucks
[–]dudeman1345 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it really sucks because even if we go on a sex spree in our 30s, we will always have in our head "I probably could've gotten laid more in college" or shit like "They would be more willing to experiment if they were in college". Or just never be satisfied because you're trying to make up for lost time. Yeah I feel like its even worse because almost EVERYONE says how easy sex is in college and how great of a time it is. I'm sure hooking up gets old after awhile but hard to know when you've never done it! But hey at least we got to experience some of it vicariously! You through your friend and me through my girlfriend, some people don't even get that!
[–]DarkArtsPUA1110 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
college isn't a huge sex fest. the bottom 80% of men on a college campus essentially never get laid throughout those 4 years. or if they do get laid it's a few times due to sheer dumb luck. do note that when i say "get laid" i mean engage in all that casual sex with random girls that you are depicting. it's simple for an average guy to lock down a 5/10 fat chick and fuck her, thus getting laid. but i believe what you're asking about is going to parties on weekends and having sex with at least 6/10+ in shape girls. which in this case, my original statement holds true that the bottom 80% of men in these colleges are not experiencing this
most guys that are interested in hooking up are frustrated chodes in college. they just can't get laid no matter how hard they try. their looks are average, they try to make up with personality, but all they attract are fugly looking or fat girls. so they usually do one of three things: they either 1) settle with the fugly fat chick and fuck her 2) give up and remain a virgin chode throughout college and onward or 3) step the fuck up, start approaching, and literally doing whatever it takes to get laid, and then they start getting laid
[–]TheShearerComplex 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The grass is always greener. There’s nothing you can do about it now.
If you want sex now, then that’s what you should be focusing on.
[–]PaulAtreidesIsEvil 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lol college has never been like this for 90% of people.
and most people who got this opportunity stood around at these parties getting drunk and no girls
stop watching these videos, it's not the reality.
[–]saltycoke 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I never had that and now i feel like im too old to go back and relieve it.
it's fucking bullshit bro. lookup RSD on youtube and pay attention to Tyler. He's a old balding ginger that's shorter than average and he has more lays than anyone in college period. It's never too late..you just need to change your frame.
[–]Vanwaq 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
hey man RSD is my life now. I have been watching Tyler forever. Blueprint 2.0 was a huge eye opener for me. It has helped me a lot in my journey. What i meant was that it was too late to relieve the college years. That doesn't stop me from banging younger girls outside of the college campus. I must say that I have just consumed a lot more theory then actually putting it into practicality. This summer and and my 30s im going to go ham. In the past few months I feel like a beast that has been sleeping has finally begun to wakeup.
[–]saltycoke 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What i meant was that it was too late to relieve the college years
Just let it go. Most guys never venture out of their comfort zones and either settle or die a virgin. You're light years ahead already. Anyways keep it up! Killing it.
[–]ROCKSTARMANIC 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like my Uni, there isnt a sense of uni pride and shit.
[–]BozoCardozo 15 points16 points17 points 8 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
First, college isn’t really like that. There are a few guys who get consistently laid, but the vast vast majority are frustrated and get lucky maybe once a month.
That said, just based on what you have here, I think it’s time to call it quits. This is quintessential resentment building up. You’re still young, and so is she. If you’re feeling this way now, it isn’t going to go away. This is extreme, but say you guys get married, do you want to feel that resentment for the rest of your life? No. What happens if you can’t take it anymore and cheat on her? Divorce? Kids?
That’s an extreme example, but I think you get my point. She deserves to find someone who is head over heels for her and only her. You deserve to feel fulfilled. If you need to go out and bang a bunch of girls to feel that fulfillment, then do it. You’re your own person. Right now, you’re almost leading her on by not doing anything about the problem.
[–]sleeplessxnights 13 points14 points15 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
i wish i got laid once a month in college... or at all
[–]AR-47 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Once a semester would have been nice. Or even once a year.
[–]dudeman1345 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah my dad went through the same thing and cheated on my mom so I know how much that hurts. I do love her and we have talked about doing a threesome so that might get rid of any feelings of missed opportunities. At the same time though that would be shitty if I relied on something like a threesome to get my needs met. I need to do a lot of soul searching and need to try to ignore everyone talking about how great and easy the women at college are. I do still plan to go back but mainly for my career.
[–]BozoCardozo 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I do love her and we have talked about doing a threesome so that might get rid of any feelings of missed opportunities.
So, I’m not a sex therapist, but that is a baaad idea, and it isn’t going to fix the relationship. Experimenting with FFM or MMF’s is something to do when you’re so comfortable in your relationship and so into each other that it’s nothing but platonic fun with the third person. Using it to get fulfillment is a recipe for disaster because you’re going to want it again. I cringe every time I read a story about a man calling a bull because he wife is bored or vice-versa because the husband is bored. It doesn’t end well.
You’re right about the college part though. They’re likely full of shit. If you go into it with he expectation of getting laid every weekend with no work, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s possible with decent game, but it isn’t quite like shooting fish in a barrel without any effort whatsoever.
[–]Schkliba 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Experimenting with FFM or MMF’s is something to do when you’re so comfortable in your relationship and so into each other that it’s nothing but platonic fun with the third person.
I don't think platonic means what you think it means
[–]BozoCardozo 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha you're totally right. I wrote that before having my coffee this morning.
[–]dudeman1345 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, we mainly talked about having a threesome as a fantasy. No plans to really do it. I can definitely see me being selfish and wanting it again if it does happen. I can also see it ruining the relationship and me being left with no sex ironically.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah my dad went through the same thing and cheated on my mom so I know how much that hurts.
You have to take EXTREME care here, OP. We often adopt many mindsets and values from our parents that lead to us duplicating the problems they had in various ways.
You're with a GF right NOW that you settled for, apparently. And isn't that kind of what your father did?
You don't have to answer me and really, I don't need you to. But please consider this privately and be honest with yourself.
This won't solve the issue. The issue goes deep.
You picked up your ideas and feelings about "what love is," from your parents. Think about that.
If your mom had offered a threesome for your dad, it probably wouldn't have solved that. And I don't think that it will solve the issues with your relationship with your GF, either.
Point blank here:
If this girl were the one, you wouldn't be this bent over "missed opportunities." You wouldn't be chomping at the bit to get at other girls like this.
If your mindset were good for a relationship, you wouldn't be looking at trying to figure out ways to have sex with other people in a way that she could agree with. And really, no amount of conversation will make it alright with her. She might agree to it to hold onto you, but that's not the same.
[–]confusing_rants1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Once a month doesn’t sound so bad
[–]nighthawkphenom 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You are currently seeing a woman but you're bitter over missed women in the past. Wth man. Everyone has different experiences. I went to a traditional school and did not have sex for those 4 years either. I improved myself because i stopped feeling bad for myself. You can't change the past, but you can change for the future. Enjoy your life and the woman you are with.
[–]dudeman1345 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Great advice. Our sexcapades are really making up for those 3 years of drought. We both have high sex drives and are sexually adventurous so I don't know why I still have this feeling of missing out. I should be grateful for what I have, some don't have that.
[–]nighthawkphenom 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There you go. Learn from your experiences and have fun!
[–]ProfitisAlethia 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The grass is always greener. In my opinion having sex with one person who's awesome in bed over and over is way better than sleeping with someone new every night. The human brain is designed to want novelty in sexual mates, just know that once you get it you may realize you were better off the first time.
Thats my worst fear. Breaking up with my girlfriend just to sleep around only to realize it sucks and then wanting her back only to realize she has moved on to someone else.
[–]Vanwaq 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I never got to have any sex when visiting my friend because I didn’t go to that school. I would only go their for on night and felt like a outsider. I use to be a social person in high school and took drama played sports. Then I got shoved into a room with a bunch of sausage nerds. In those four years I gained 40 pounds and lost a lot of social skills. Not to mention no sex skills were being formed. So highly inexperienced and girls can tell.
[–]dudeman1345 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I've heard the 30s can be the prime time for sex. Its not too late man! Start working out, go to meetups, get a social part time job for experience. I was a virgin when I met my girlfriend and she was not, but she didn't care.
[–]Vanwaq 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yeah for the past two months i have quit jerking off, quit smoking weed (picked it up in those college years due to depressions/boredome) and have been going to the gym everyday. I'm going to turn 30 in nov and using these months to preb myself to have an amazing life going forward. I am even planning on moving to california for a lifestyle change. 30s for men is like being 18-25 for women. Can't dwell on the past too much bc you cant change it.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've heard the 30s can be the prime time for sex.
Every time of life has people saying it's the best of times. Or that it's the worst.
This sub-reddit is full of posts from guys who think their dating lives are over at 29.
Meanwhile, other guys are living it up.
It's all about the information you choose to take in.
I was a virgin when I met my girlfriend
You've really really buried the lede here, OP. Not only are you with a girlfriend, but you really didn't date a lot or have sex at all before her.
Of course you're going to wonder about the relationship and feel like you're missing out. You really did settle. You settled down with the first girl that let you in. And you did so before you really came into full awareness of yourself and what you want in a relationship.
[–]dudeman1345 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're right. I think the problem isn't that I need sex with more women as validation of being attractive or whatever. It's that I don't know what's out there. I didn't get the chance to date around and see what I like. I currently live in some rural place now so that makes it pretty difficult to meet women my age . I just wish I dated around more before meeting my girlfriend just to know what else is out there and if she is the one I truly want to be with.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just wish I dated around more before meeting my girlfriend....
Yeah, it's rough because of your location. The only choices seem to be taking what you have or risking it all, possibly for nothing.
However, if the relationship goes south, taking that risk may become more attractive.
[–]chesterburger 6 points7 points8 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t believe what you see on tv and stories. College is not filled with unlimited horny hot women that are easy and want to have sex all day. I also had no relationships and barely any sex in 4 years at a large university.
Like anywhere, there are a group of men and women that are in “the game” and they are dating a lot and probably having sex a lot. But it takes a good amount of practice to be in that game and it’s not always easy to get there. If you’re not in the game, you’re pretty much ignored by most of the horny women. Guys who were/are good at that game are the ones who talk about college like it’s a gold mine of sex and girls.
[–]dudeman1345 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I feel like my perspective is a bit skewed since my girlfriend is in a sorority and most of her friends are probably the ones "in the game" and dating around a lot. They are the ones I mainly hear about. I'm sure if I was friends with some dude who happened to be in college and never got laid my perspective would probably be different.
[–]AwesomeIshPossum 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The most basic question is asking why do you want to hook up with lots of girls. Is it because sex with lots of random women is something you value and being a deep fulfillment in your life. If so, that makes sense. But if it’s because you think it will validate you or bc everyone tells u it is what you would want, think about it a bit. There is no end to the need of validation and it’s a pretty sucky way to live life.
So I’ll just be honest and say I think u are making excuses. Being a bit older, more developed in life will only give u more opportunities. U can sleep with girls in mid twenties to thirties easily. Often these women who have more experience will rock your world sexually in ways more inexperienced women can not. Dating apps have made it all that much easier.
Point is if you could have done it in college, u can do it now. Will it take work and effort and improving ur game? Yes. But I promise u that is what successful guys do (including that nerdy friend). There is nothing stopping u but ur own self limiting beliefs
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
____1____
Bitter about missing out on sex in college.
This is an arbitrary problem. It assumes that college is the only place for the kind of dynamic social life that is so mythologized in movies and TV.
It's just not true. There's certainly a lot of life going on there.
But be-all end-all? Not even.
You've created a problem out of nothing really. And worse, this is a mindset that will rob you of enjoying what you have now. If you go into social interactions with this kind of bitterness, it will probably seep into your words and actions in ways you might not be aware of.
____2____
How can I get over this?
You have a choice. Worry about the past and lose your present and set a future trajectory that continues to be awful.
Or root yourself in the present and look at what's really available.
____3____
3 years of classes of nothing but dudes, no greek life, no bars or clubs. Well fast forward to now I'm graduated and can't find a job with the degree I got.
Couple things here:
You're still fucking young if you're saying you're just out now, and went in straight after high school. You're what, 22 at the most?
I know people who went back to school at 25 and no one ever knew the difference unless they flat out asked and no one ever really asked. Even when they did, no one cared.
Greek life; you aren't missing much. It's a social life with increased access in some ways and unexpected restrictions on what you can do.
____4____
Well I never got to get anything out of my system. I fee like I'm going to be the 30 year old still putting sex on a pedestal just due to this bitterness I'm developing.
Are you fucking kidding me? 22 going on 30? Look at what you're doing to yourself. You're so focused on THREE fucking years of your life, so much so that you're prepared to throw away your potential fun right now and the rest of your 20s, which when you do the math is another 8 years.
And then I guess when you're 30 you can look back at how you wasted your 20s being bitter. This game never ends, man. And it's a loser. You're wasting your energy.
____5____
It doesn't help that everyone here says that college is the absolute best time to have sex and experiment.
It doesn't help that you're selectively looking for the things that will piss you off the most.
College is the most bullshit myth sometimes. Absolute best time? Far from it. It's a crap shoot. Sometimes things come together, and sometimes they really don't.
People are immature and do stupid things. Sometimes those things add up to a good time. Sometimes it's all drama and no fun. People who don't know how to drink without being stupid. People who don't know how to handle their emotions fully yet.
Crazy things happen for sure, but honestly, I've seen crazier things happen on a more regular basis after I got out.
____6____
I'm going to be the 30 year old still putting sex on a pedestal.......I love my girlfriend and we have experimented a lot and are both sexually adventurous but I just have this feeling of missing out.
Kind of burying the lede here, man. You have a girlfriend. The level of bitterness in everything you wrote up to that point comes off as if it's been written by a virgin or some dude who hasn't had action for a while, anyway.
Why did you get into this relationship? It doesn't sound like you should be with her.
____7____
What city/metro area do you live in? I can walk you through how to make a better social life for yourself. PM me if you don't want to post it here, otherwise, post it here and it might help others.
[–]goodbyelogic 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man I appreciate you doin these essays. I see you help everyone in every post with great detail and I'm shookd.
[–]padanis76 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Break up. Plow thru at least 20-30 hood rat, chicken head types as fast as possible. This could be on vacation, around town, or go back to college - whatever you think is best to get it out of your system.
I actually had plans to go back. I'm not in debt from my music school and don't have any kids. I only have about 10k saved up but I also finally know what I want to do with my life and it is going to require another degree.
[–]padanis76 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you’re under 30 that a great plan. Go enjoy the experience while getting a more reliable/better paying skill then music. Try to live the life you want the best you can. Once you get kids/mortgage then it’s much tougher to go back.
[–]dudeman1345 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm currently 23! Better late than never.
[–]ROCKSTARMANIC 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude go back you definitely have time, what 2 for another degree, bachelor or masters.
[–]newschoolyoungin 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I go to a party college and I can confirm a lot of girls will fuck almost any guy near them..I've even been to party's and some random girl will just start twerking on me and take me back to their room..Another time some random girl on my dorm floor knocked on my door ,because she was horny .If you attend many social events and look for a fun time you will get laid ...I have seen guys who are like 5ft4 and chubby get laid by above average looking girls just Cuz they knew the guy wanted them so bad😂
God damn, its shit like this that makes me bitter lol. I honestly don't care if the attractive dudes get laid because thats understandable. Its always the unattractive guys getting laid left and right that makes me frustrated because I know I'm more attractive than them I just don't have the same opportunities just because I decided not to go to a party school or whatever the fuck.
[–]Zoidberg22 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In a similar boat.
I feel attractive both inwards and outwards to women but can't close to save my life. Any advice?
Feel like I have imposter syndrome to be honest.
[–]Bigballerway93 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel this man. I was the one in my friend group who never got laid in college and my so called friends shit on me constantly for that. It definitely took my confidence down a few notches.
[–]xonradical 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Community college bro...
Are you saying go back to community college? If so that was my plan. Way less expensive, and will help my career
[–]Jarn_Tybalt 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It does suck. And you are right, you missed out. Now don't miss out on all the girls that you can have now. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
You are still young and there is lots of cool shit that is gonna happen to you. Oh, and keep working out if you are not that great looking.
I have a face like a foot, but since i started working out, now I get laid. Good looking people can get away with anything. Us average people, gotta work for it.
[–]olronk1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I never went to college but I'm 26 now so I'm way past the sex/dating phase unfortunately and I've never had the opportunity to go on a date or any of that stuff.
I don't personally feel bitter about it mostly considering I'm not that good looking I don't think actually attending college would have changed much.
I mostly just feel bad because I missed out on all the dating/sex part that everyone else got a chance to begin and I missed the boat so to speak.
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[–]Vanwaq 15 points16 points17 points (8 children) | Copy Link
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[–]DarkArtsPUA1110 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]TheShearerComplex 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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