~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]Kenic_In_MD 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This community has grown so much since I joined up years ago. The growth has been incredible and I'm happy to have more people at least lurking on here learning new things. Applying seduction techniques and geniunely disconnecting from the swipe culture to actually go out and talk/flirt with each other like humans.
Very good write-up OP, great tips in here as well. Desperation/clinginess is not attractive.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I'm happy about that too. It's less scammy overcomplicated PUA stuff and more genuine advice that will help.
[–]Great_Future7361 29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t be pathetically desperate is a good message for guys to get from that situation.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
TLDR: guy gets weird, gets rejected
[–]ps-peanutbutter 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
might be an r/niceguys
[–]bavarian_tiger 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I poop and fart and have actual flaws and anxieties
wait, wait, wait…….. girls poop and fart too?
seriously?
[–]Interesting-Brief202 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is the first time I heard good avcie from a woman! Good post.
TL:DR Don't simp. Treat a woman like a clebrity, and she will treat you like a fan,
[–]Hot_Law3704 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
I'd be curious how you, as woman, feel about the advice here and other places to just practice cold approaching women until you get better at it. Do women like being interrupted during their day and approached by strange men? I can imagine that maybe in 1/100 times, it might be pleasant if there is attraction and it's sorta organic and not manufactured but the other times it must be either annoying or perhaps scary.
I have seen advice like a challenge to cold approach "X" number of women each day and apparently some people have racked up numbers where they've done it 1000s of times.
These are real people, these women, not number! They are busy going about their lives. They have schedules, they have things on their mind, they have their own problems. They aren't just another number in your personal self improvement project to practice on and work out the kinks in your approach anxiety.
Guys very often screw up, because they are learning, right? and your first attempts at any anything are going to suck. Well the seduction community just pats them on the back and tells them to keep trying with no thought at all for the women who are being used as social practice.
That is what really turns me off about most of this "advice". It's defined as self improvement but it treats women as numbers or social practice dummies that you can just use up and move on to the next one.
[–]BurnItDownSR 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
How is cold approach any worse than sales and business?
I've worked in sales and its waaay more dehumanizing than cold approach. At least with cold approach you're told that its a good thing to listen, pay attention, and observe specific things about the person you're talking to, when I tried to do that in sales I was actually reprimanded and told to just stick to the script. With sales you're only told to appear like you're paying attention, with seduction you have an incentive to actually pay attention.
Sales can also be way more invasive. Theres also cold approach in sales along with cold calling and now there's cold messaging on social media. At least guys who cold approach for dating aren't told to find your number out of nowhere and call you unexpectedly. And at least guys who cold approach for dating treat neediness like a mortal sin. In sales its the complete opposite. There was a time when I was on a sales call and the person I called politely declined, it was an overall pleasant conversation until the trainer sitting next to me told me to keep pushing for the sale instead of letting me hang up 5 times during that call.
With cold approach you get someone who is observant and attentive and sometimes telling you how beautiful you are, who is also trying to be funny and interesting while also being a good sport and just moving on immediately if you aren't into it.
With sales you get someone who's reciting a script and being pushy as hell with you and if its in person they follow you around for a long distance, something that people who cold approach for dating cringe at.
I run a business now too and that's even way more impersonal. People really are just numbers and demographics, 99% of the time we don't even have names and faces attached to these figures.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You are kind of describing the divide between old school and new here.
The problem is that newbies who haven't built up their basic social skill foundation yet, aren't going to be observant or attentive. They're going to be that aggressive salesman on a script, one who handles rejection badly.
Someone who already has a good foundation of social skills will cold approach without any problems. They won't leave collateral damage behind them.
Unfortunately, it is still considered common wisdom by far too many people on subreddits like this one, that newbies and hard cases need to cold approach repeatedly in order to build up their social skills.
It's really not the most efficient way to build these skills up. There are better ways which do not leave a wake of collateral damage.
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Uhh...have you not noticed that more newbies here post about struggles with too little assertiveness as opposed to too much assertiveness?
Also, what kind of collateral damage do you think newbies leave behind?
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
1
On the last 9-10 years or so that I've been here, one thing hasn't changed: most of the problems posted about here boil down to one of two issues:
Confidence issues: This results in assertiveness issues. This is what you were referring to.
Calibration issues: When guys come on too strong, too fast. What you might call too much assertiveness. Not a confidence issue, but more related to lack of social skills like empathy, active listening, observation skills, etc.
In fact on this second issue, someone just posted on AskSeddit a day or two ago about how he was having trouble because he came on too strong and was dealing with fallout due to (valid) accusations of sexual assault.
It happens all the time. At least as much as the lack of assertiveness.
2
This isn't complicated.
A.) A guy who comes on too strong can face some nasty social consequences or possibly legal ones.
B.) Say he is removing himself from social consequences of his lack of calibration by cold approaching. (People he doesn't know, so no way for the consequences to reach him directly.)
That still has collateral damage for the rest of us because now the next guy who comes along is dealing with someone who is more on guard the more experiences they have like this.
This can have a cumulative effect on a neighborhood or general area, making it harder to game as a result.
C.) If you've ever been at a club you can see this play out in real time.
Everything starts off relaxed.
People get a little drunk and loosen up and things start to go pretty well for people who know what they're doing. It's easy to talk to people. People are receptive to being opened, etc.
Then later on in the night, the guys who don't know what they're doing have gotten themselves stupid drunk and/or are arriving from the last place they got kicked out of for being too stupid drunk.
These guys drag the whole mood of the place down. Cold approaching with poor calibration. Opening in the most awkward and pushy ways. In short order, everyone's shields are up and even the mixed groups are leery of strangers.
You must have seen this play out in some form, even at places that aren't clubs. We see this kind of collateral damage all the time.
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah but how often do you get posts like that? Have you tried doing the actual numbers?
A guy who comes on too strong can face some nasty social consequences or possibly legal ones.
True. But I've personally met and watched hundreds of guys cold approach at different levels, with different temperaments, and abilities to calibrate, and only know of 2 cases where this happened and the worst that happened was just that they got escorted out of a venue.
I've never seen this and I built up most of my game with a pickup lair that was very active. In fact one time I accidentally approached a girl right after she rejected another guy from the lair and I still ended up with her number.
Even with the nightclub example you gave its rarely as bad as you described. What I've seen is that most guys don't approach at all and only a tiny number of guys who are scared to approach get drunk enough to say "fuck it" and do it. The most I've seen in one night is 3. And this isn't prevalent in all kinds of clubs.
What like the general negative connotations girls have to guys approaching them? It was already there when I started in '09. Dealing with that is just part of the game. I didn't see that it got any worse when my lair ran amok in our city and I'm seeing a lot of crazy stuff on the internet these days but I have yet to see that reflected in my current real life experiences.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Let's rewind here, you originally said:
Let's back up the train a bit.
A mod who just shared with you what he knows about the bulk of the posts here (and at AskSeddit, coincidentally).
And this is your response? To literally tell him he hasn't seen what he has seen.
The fact that you're asking this says to me that you either don't care about that collateral damage, or are already convinced it doesn't exist or doesn't matter.
Isn't that about right?
If so, then what is the point of explaining it?
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Let's back up the train a bit. A mod who just shared with you what he knows about the bulk of the posts here (and at AskSeddit, coincidentally). And this is your response? To literally tell him he hasn't seen what he has seen.
Was that my response? I asked a question. I didn't tell you what you were or weren't seeing. When I ask a question just assume its a question because I'm actually willing to talk about this. I actually want to see what you'd write in response, especially as you're a mod so you have more insight.
That question was actually edited from me saying "fair enough" but I realized it required a little more investigation before I can actually say that.
Besides that question, I was only telling you what I saw.
The fact that you're asking this says to me that you either don't care about that collateral damage, or are already convinced it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. Isn't that about right? If so, then what is the point of explaining it?
No, its not. Its just the same as the 2 questions you're asking me here, they're literally just questions. Really it would be counterproductive for you to think of this discussion as some sort of verbal sparring session, don't assume I'm trying to say something when I'm really just asking something.
If we find out I'm wrong I'm more than happy to be wrong but you don't really get closer to the truth by immediately agreeing with everyone. We're in disagreement now but if you actually let this play out as an investigation rather than a "you vs me" and are actually as willing to be wrong as I am then we're both likely to get much closer to the actual truth. If this just plays out as verbal sparring then none of us would really be better off for it.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
// And this is your response? To literally tell him he hasn't seen what he has seen. Was that my response? I asked a question. I didn't tell you what you were or weren't seeing.
// And this is your response? To literally tell him he hasn't seen what he has seen.
Was that my response? I asked a question. I didn't tell you what you were or weren't seeing.
Actually there was some accidental conflation going on there. My bad.
I'll rewind again then.....
When I responded that the majority of posts boil down to either low confidence or some form of poor calibration, you asked if I'd run the numbers or something.
(I don't keep a spreadsheet though I'm tempted to start collecting one.)
However, what I have found is that the issue of poor calibration is one that often sneaks through under the radar without enough follow-through on the part of people answering the thread.
For example, a guy posts complaining about how things were going really well during the first date or maybe two dates and then all of a sudden it imploded. And maybe the girl even disappeared.
The most common sort of response is one that merely commiserates with the guy and tells him what he wants to hear. The girl is crap, keep trying, etc.
What I have found is that following up and getting the exact details as to what they said and did leading up to the implosion, often reveals that the guy was too heavy-handed and/or escalated without proper calibration.
I have worked on a lot of these posts on both Seddit and Ask Seddit for 8 or 9 years now. It became a predictable pattern.
As far as the collateral damage thing goes:
You know how sometimes when you get off to a bad start in the morning it can affect your whole day in some cases?
And you know how sometimes a bad set can put a guy into a bad headspace for a period of time afterwards?
Well, there's a negative effect being felt on the other side of that kind of social interaction.
There are a lot of dudes out there who don't know what they're doing and are blundering their way through cold approach after cold approach.
That can have an effect on the landscape (It's even easier to observe this effect in a contained environment like a bar or a club.)
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
What I have found is that following up and getting the exact details as to what they said and did leading up to the implosion, often reveals that the guy was too heavy-handed and/or escalated without proper calibration. I have worked on a lot of these posts on both Seddit and Ask Seddit for 8 or 9 years now. It became a predictable pattern.
Fair enough but I don't see how that's indicative of guys being too pushy when they first meet a girl or even that its as prevalent as them being too timid/not assertive enough.
The examples you've given are of girls fading away after a date or 2, not girls who were completely creeped out by the over assertive/over persistent actions of a guy when first meeting him. Have you noticed a significant amount of posts talking about guys being too pushy in the initial meeting and are they as many as the posts talking about problems around too little assertiveness in the initial approach?
You know how sometimes when you get off to a bad start in the morning it can affect your whole day in some cases? And you know how sometimes a bad set can put a guy into a bad headspace for a period of time afterwards? Well, there's a negative effect being felt on the other side of that kind of social interaction. There are a lot of dudes out there who don't know what they're doing and are blundering their way through cold approach after cold approach. That can have an effect on the landscape (It's even easier to observe this effect in a contained environment like a bar or a club.)
I think this is a fair assumption but I just haven't seen it play out in real life. The only way I can envision this actually happening is if you organized an event in a night club for newbies to game. Maybe it used to happen when the PUA Summit was a thing but I haven't been to that so I can't actually speak to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but these statements you made seem more like conjecture based probably on what you've read here, not statements based on what you've observed in real life. Now, that doesn't necessarily invalidate your opinion but I think you'd need to point out a trend of posts talking about creeping out whole clubs and communities out before we can assume there's any validity to these statements.
By the way, before we continue, what's your motivation for engaging in this discussion? My initial comment isn't highly upvoted and the more exchanges we have the deeper this'll get buried, plus the post itself is already getting buried as the days pass. I don't think we'll really make much of a difference in what the subreddit thinks whichever way this discussion goes.
[–]Hot_Law3704 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is 100% why I avoid salesmen whenever I can and someone attempting a hard sale or a pressure sale will lose that sale with me. I immediately stop listening and want them gone or I leave.
It's an immediate red flag that, they don't respect me and they just have some inventory to move or a commission to make that is only in their interest and not mine. Besides, I just don't like pushy people, period. Really glad so many things can be bought online now. Even used cars.
Same thing with cold calls or people showing up and ringing my doorbell. I hang up the phone as soon as realize what it is or tell the door to door person, not interested and immediately close the door. I don't owe you my time, unannounced, that is not what my phone and front porch are for.
I'm sure it works, otherwise it wouldn't be done. I doubt the people it works with are repeat customers or spread positive word of mouth though.
[–]BuddhistPeace2 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
To my knowledge not all sales jobs are as dehumanizing. I’m starting a sales job today and I don’t think we are forced to push through if we get a ‘no’, but are supposed to respect what the customer wants.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This right here is a strong divide between the old school and a lot of the more natural schools of thought when it comes to seduction.
When I first came to this forum, this kind of cold approach philosophy was something no one questioned. No one cared about the collateral damage.
But I think there has been a growing understanding that cold approach as it has been traditionally pushed, is not a very efficient or effective way to build basic social skills.
Unfortunately there are a lot of misogynistic dinosaurs out there who are pissed off when they find out that this way of doing things is not acceptable anymore.
[–]Hot_Law3704 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
that is good to hear but I went out to the main page and it seems there is post after post about these self improvement, daygame "challenges" where you approach X number of women a day and guys bragging about having approached 100s or 1000s. The vast majority of these interactions will be awkward, forced and unpleasant and it seems not one of them care about the women involved who are treated like social practice dummies that you can just forget about and move on the next one.. or as you put it perfectly "collateral damage".
I can also imagine that enough of this just puts women on guard and it all becomes a catch-22 situation where nobody wins.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The vast majority of these interactions will be awkward, forced and unpleasant and it seems not one of them care about the women involved who are treated like social practice dummies that you can just forget about and move on the next one..
A lot of them don't. I'm having a discussion right now with one who falls under that category.
And many of these guys don't see the problem, or don't want to.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Temporary ban for violating Rule 4
Also consider that what you said goes against good calibration, which involves being aware or making one's self aware of what they like.
[–]Abhi005 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for this. I was almost like this ,but now I have changed. And you have cleared my doubts in this post.
[–]Peachmuffin91 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m not saying you did anything wrong, but with people like that you really have to be blunt just like he asked and say no straight up. Because they are so into you, they will convince themselves that you didn’t really mean no, because you didn’t actually say no I’m not interested in you like that.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpacemanOneTwo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's facts though. Some of the time when a girl gives you her number but never replies or is super short with replies, she likely gave it to you to avoid rejecting you in person. It's easier to reject someone by not responding than by telling them to their face, and a lot of girls have had a bad experience where a guy took it the wrong way.
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I think asking for the reason why she rejected you is not a bad thing. Most people who are unsuccessful im dating don't know what they're doing wrong. And in order to improve you need some feedback. Of course she doesn't owe you an explanation, but it would be very helpful.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If i rejected somebody, i would straight up tell them why if they wanted to know. Honesty doesn't make it worse (letting somebody wander in the dark not knowing what they did wrong does), but instead gives them a solid base to work on. They can try to improve, or accept it, or be a bitch about it.
Imagine you get rejected after a job interview: what would you prefer: the interviever telling you exactly what he/she didn't like and what you need to improve on, or HR coming up with a generic excuse or nothing at all?
It's a matter of decency if you have the guts to be honest or if you're too uncomfortable with telling people the reasons you rejected them for.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well ok, i can see that this guy was getting on your nerves. And in this case i underatand that you didn't want to carry this conversation any further. I was thinking about a different situation, where everything seems to be going okay with no red flags and annoyances. In that case, would it be inappropriate to ask for the reason and if so: Why?
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well ok, i can see that this guy was getting on your nerves. And in this case i underatand that you didn't want to carry this conversation any further.
I'm just going to quote what she was telling you already:
//....it is a very uncomfortable conversation to have with someone, let alone someone you don’t know well who may respond with hurt feelings or anger.
Would you agree that this goes a little bit beyond simply getting on someone's nerves?
We're not talking about annoyance here. We're talking about not feeling comfortable. Feeling unsafe.
Dealing with people like this can be a bit scary, especially if you know they live in the same city as you do. That's not the sort of thing that us men have to deal with, usually.
I was thinking about a different situation, where everything seems to be going okay with no red flags and annoyances.
I think a problem here is that it came off as if you were critiquing her for not giving the guy an explanation.
Like, in this situation.
3
In that case, would it be inappropriate to ask for the reason and if so: Why?
I can't speak for her, but I would imagine that she would probably be fine giving feedback to a guy in the right situation. (She felt comfortable, not unsafe, etc.)
I know a few girls who have given dudes feedback in situations like this.
But women can't do it by themselves. Men have to start doing more heavy lifting: there's a lot of work here that really only men can do by helping other men.
[–]chilly2166 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I absolutely agree. Well said.
[–]AFatiguedFey 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah the weird advice I’ve seen here with scripts like “I saw you across the street and couldn’t let you just go” or approaches in that vein, are most likely going to make a girl think you’re crazy and put her on defense mode because who the hell says crap like that?? Some your cold approach tactics are probably the reason you’re finding trouble.
Think about it this way, how would you feel if you said those lines? I’m sure some you might be flattered, but also think about it in a non-romantic sense. When you go to a store and employees or strangers just approach you saying whatever, how do you feel? Even if you aren’t on edge, your peace was disrupted in that moment. You may feel slightly annoyed. What is said after may put you at ease (someone had a good reason for reaching out) or further your annoyance. And saying things “I couldn’t just let you go” sounds stalkerish. Whoever is giving you that advice wants you to fail
Also think about the time and place. I’m pretty sure “cold approaches” or whatever you guys call it, would be more successful in a club where some people are looking to meet people and hoping for that engagement, versus someone just running errands who probably wants to be left alone.
There’s a lot of comments on here so i doubt anyone would see this. But basically
TLDR: some of these advices or scripts given for cold approaches are ass and make you look creepy. I’m sure some of you know that but for those who don’t know better, please don’t take peoples advice blindly
[–]Lovecraftianz 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I second this (for both men and women). Being put on a pedestal (especially if they have only known you for a short amount of time) also gives me the feeling that they’ll lose interest once they learn your flaws.
[–]watchmeroam 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So you're saying if a man is respectful towards a woman, he will be more attractive. It's so simple, and yet many many many men do not act this way. What is so hard to grasp about being respectful?
[–]Pilk70 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (35 children) | Copy Link
Yes although I'm male I've had women do the same so I get it. At the same time I see guys post here talking about "slow play", cold approach, etc and it's all bullshit.
As a 50 year old man it's very basic.
Have your shit together.
Be in shape.
Dress and smell nice.
Don't be a dick.
Be confident.
It's that simple. The women will flock to you.and you don't have to play stupid games or come to Reddit for advice.
[–]RealHumanBeing2021 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You still have to put yourself out there to meet women and cold approaching helps.
[–]Pilk70 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Assuming introducing yourself is a "cold" approach. We didn't even have a word for this when I was in college. It was considered just being a man.
[–]RealHumanBeing2021 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, well dating apps didn’t exist back then either, but now they do.
[–]BurnItDownSR 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Your experience doesn't speak for everyone.
I know a 50 year old man who has 5 kids with 2 women who both lived with him. One of them left and now he sleeps with tons of other women on the side with the blessing of the other mother of his kids who still lives with him. He does cold approach and game and all this stuff, not naturally, he learned it just like the guys on this sub are doing.
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
All I can is some of us are born with it and the rest are late bloomers. I wouldn't care to pay his child support though.
[–]BurnItDownSR -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
All I can is some of us are born with it and the rest are late bloomers.
So why are most guys your age still doing bad with women? In fact even worse than they did in their 20s.
Also, my friend didn't marry and kept the kids.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Because of Porn its so easily available at our fingertips. It kills a guys desire.
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So its either turn back time or have a modern solution for a modern problem then?
[–]Pilk70 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why do you assume I'm doing bad with women? Male millennial problem #1: false assumptions.
Your friend sounds like great dad material, 5 kids out of wedlock. ✌️ Nothing left to be said there 😂😂
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Quote the part where I specifically said you were doing bad with women.
Yeah, that's totally not judgemental or an attempt to smear at all.
[–]kjackrel 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not sure why this was downvoted, but I completely agree (20M)
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Apparently I stepped on feelings 🙄😂🤷
[–]Hot_Law3704 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Excellent advice.
[+]thelambofdeth -8 points-7 points-6 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
Lol. You forgot the most important one: be attractive. Having things in order and be confident and whatnot isn't enough to make women "flock" to you.
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That part is a given and went over your head. However average guys that meet the criteria that I mentioned with a good personality can pull women.
[–]thelambofdeth -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
...how did it go over my head if it mentioned it? It can't be a "given" bc f you're good-looking you don't need to meet those five criteria, and if you're not good-looking, those aspects aren't enough and you'll still have to cold approach....so...lol
You missed it again, stick to your video games.
[–]thelambofdeth -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's cool, when I have no actual rebuttal bc I fucked up I make random non-sequiturs too. it's cool man, have fun with you half-assed gaslighting!
[–]foghatyma 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Lol. You forgot the most important one: be attractive.
He literally described how to be attractive.
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
physically attractive
Good-looking.
[–]foghatyma 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Those are basic, minute things. They don't suddenly make you good looking. You are, or you aren't. Being in shape and dressing well just makes you less unattractive...doesn't matter how well you dress or how low your body fat % is, you won't be good-looking.
[–]foghatyma -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You'll have a tough life with that attitude but good luck.
[–]adriann255 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Man, I see my past self in your posts, and my past self wasn't exactly the happiest person. But ok, let's backtrack a little. So, how does one become "good-looking" exactly ? Thinking people are just born with good looks is both defeatist mindset and false. Makes you subconsciously think "What even is the point ? I was born ugly.". In reality, you can improve most of your appearance save for your height and hair loss, which are factors but not deal-breakers, unless you're chasing some shallow valley girl you met at Starbucks. But becoming attractive requires hard work, and you don't see results in the short term so a lot of people default to "What even is the point".
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So, how does one become "good-looking" exactly
I don't think you can become good looking...you either are or aren't. I do think you can become less unattractive and supplement that, but that doesn't make you good-looking. It doesn't work that way imo.
In reality, you can improve most of your appearance save for your height and hair loss, which are factors but not deal-breakers, unless you're chasing some shallow valley girl you met at Starbucks. But becoming attractive requires hard work, and you don't see results in the short term so a lot of people default to "What even is the point".
Sure, and I have. I'm already tall, I'm in shape(kinda lanky, but I am fit), I groom, I dress extremely well, I'm active, have a good diet, a skin care regime, I take care of my hair, I'm hygienic, etc. I've done virtually everything you can do to maximize your physical attractiveness. And I have very humble taste with women. I've always aesthetically preferred weird, alternative women...so yeah at some juncture you do get to "what's the point", but I did actually put in the time and effort.
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Let's be honest, 1-4 are basically prerequisites. You don't get real points just for smelling nice, not being a douche and not being fat lol. That's the bare minimum of a woman just not instantly dismissing you. That's literally just like showing up for the exam. You still have to a hell of a lot more to pass. Being well dressed is pretty irrelevant to women...I can attest to that...but its basically as long as you don't dress terribly.
And being in shape doesn't magically make you attractive. It could make you less unattractive, but if you're ugly anyway, you're just a not fat ugly guy....
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm 6'3, in shape(kinda lanky but I have broad shoulders) and I dress far better than any straight guy would care too...hasn't been that attractive to many lol
Who is saying to just be handsome and literally nothing else? The point is being attractive better allows you to attract the kinds of women you want in the first place. Like, knowing the type of women and qualities I what I want isn't the issue...being attractive just means its more feasible...
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe is simple but far from being easy or maybe your definition of success is another man's definition of failure.
As a man your sexual options expands as your social status increases (looks, money, confidence, charisma ...). This is a given. You must continually improve this.
Not easy because there is a cut-throat competition for the most beautiful and younger women.
If you want to have a great relationship or sleep with several beautiful women you most became the best version of yourself and leave nothing to the chance so I admire people who have ambitious goals and want to work for it.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Obviously this guy is a douche, but I can't help but think that portraying a picture perfect filtered version of yourself (read: a version of yourself that does not exist in the real world) is part of the reason there was a mismatch between the attention you were hoping for and the attention you got.
Perhaps if you put photos of yourself as you actually look online, then guys may talk to you like a real person who they can see is imperfect and real, who has feelings and who poops and farts.
But if you're putting out a fantasy version of yourself, a perfect version of yourself, then you're encouraging people to put you on a pedastal. If you're not putting your real self out there, then don't expect anyone to find that real self and make a meaningful connection with it.
[–]yurifca 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
"Be less gorgeous online, or people will try to dm you"
This is the online version of 'don't wear *insert clothes* or you will be catcalled and stalked'.
Do whatever the fuck you want, OP. What this guy is saying is just plain retarded.
Be ugly, cause mongoloids can't be normal around pretty woman, hahahahahaha some people are clueless, man.
[–]kabukidookie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! A thousand times yes! 🙌🏼
[–]HitboxOfASnail 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
well said
[+]Dontfeedthelocals -9 points-8 points-7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
'In a way that makes me happy' - absolutely, you should do what makes you happy. But of course coming to understand what makes us happy is more complicated than it appears.
For example eating a whole chocolate bar makes me happy, so if life were this simple I could be happy every day if I eat eat lots of chocolate bars. But ultimately eating lots of chocolate bars every day has effects that would be far more detrimental to my happiness overall. I think it's the same with the affirmation we get on social media vs the things that a tually matter in our real lives.
I don't think you're unique doing this at all, as you say everyone does it. Of course everyone doing something does not make it healthy or helpful.
Don't think I'm saying any of this as though its gospel, you make some valid points. But I think my points are valid too.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
3 day temporary ban for breaking Rule 4
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
even if she invites “nice guys” to obsessively stalk her.....
You were unintentionally undercutting your own message by framing it as if she was intentionally inviting stalkers.
[–]splashzed -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is facts and some models/actresses have started doing it too, the goal is to take away the illusion of perfect on social media
[–]maprunzel -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Is it the photos themselves that make you happy or the likes and attention you get from posting them?
Would you get the same happiness putting that photo in an album where no one but you can see it?
[–]HanginWithTheBoyyyz -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
By making his clear question an assumption and getting defensive it is clear he hit nail on the head and you basically answered him already good job
[–]maprunzel 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also he is a she.
[–]maprunzel -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It was a valid question.
I found this sub a while back and thought it was wildly hilarious there’s an actual sub dedicated to seducing other people
Many people aren't broke by still visit finance/career subs. Many people are fit but still visit r/fitness. Don't assume all guys in r/seduction are bad with women. Maybe some have ambitious sexual/relationships goals and we're men, we love to analyze stuff.
But the advice on here isn’t half bad (some of it is total garbage)
Be careful. Many times we're deeply attracted to what we despise, so maybe you don't know for sure what's bad or good advice.
[–]adriann255 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A lot of guys posted this same advice on this sub. Still holds true, still good advice.
tl:dr because you need it: don't be sad and desperate
[–]ShiroSagisu -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just a reminder that if he was attractive and tall he wouldnt even be desprate(nor would majority of men) since he would easily get dates.
[–]ShiroSagisu -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
``He is tall and successful``
If he was he wouldnt be desprate over a random woman online
You can inherit succes from many ways but 90% of the time whatever the way you gathered wealth or succes is, you usually arent desprate. And he seems to have won the genetic lottery too.
`` People who aren't conventionally attractive can still do okay out there, that's why subs like this exist.``
Subs like this exist for HVM humble bragging. I told a woman to strip and didnt gaf about her before this. Just follow my advice bro-HVM who women s1mp for.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShiroSagisu 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I said in 90% of cases they arent and for a good reason.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Kenic_In_MD 51 points52 points53 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Great_Future7361 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ps-peanutbutter 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]bavarian_tiger 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Interesting-Brief202 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Hot_Law3704 12 points13 points14 points (22 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 6 points7 points8 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Hot_Law3704 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BuddhistPeace2 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hot_Law3704 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Abhi005 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Peachmuffin91 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpacemanOneTwo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]KaiserHaftbefehl 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chilly2166 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AFatiguedFey 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lovecraftianz 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]watchmeroam 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 6 points7 points8 points (35 children) | Copy Link
[–]RealHumanBeing2021 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RealHumanBeing2021 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 9 points10 points11 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR -1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kjackrel 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hot_Law3704 -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]thelambofdeth -8 points-7 points-6 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pilk70 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth -4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]foghatyma 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]foghatyma 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]foghatyma -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]adriann255 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 8 points9 points10 points (22 children) | Copy Link
[–]yurifca 9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]kabukidookie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HitboxOfASnail 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]Dontfeedthelocals -9 points-8 points-7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]splashzed -2 points-1 points0 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]maprunzel -3 points-2 points-1 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]HanginWithTheBoyyyz -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]maprunzel 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]maprunzel -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]adriann255 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShiroSagisu -3 points-2 points-1 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShiroSagisu -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShiroSagisu 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link