Experienced Sedditors; How do you go about?

bugxter · 2018-12-18T16:02:29+00:00

I don't know if I'm an "experienced sedditor", but for me this is all about gaining an skill. When you "master" seduction and see you can confidently meet and date girls you remember you still have bills to pay, a career to pursue, goals, etc; then you treat seduction as something you know you'll be able to do when you need it.

I guess some people can also make it a hobby, but I don't really believe that's healthy at all.

Dilpil01 · 2018-12-18T16:42:57+00:00

I don't daygame unless a really good opportunity presents itself and I'm in state, maybe with a good wing. My nightgame is very good and I love going out on my own trying different things. It's a very rewarding experience when it works, you feel like you did it yourself whilst learning a lot. I don't go out much only once or twice a week which is low by PUA standards but very happy with how I am progressing.

Tinder I think is a really bad modern clutch and I think pulling high quality girls from tinder is difficult and a major time sink. I don't think it is bad per se, but it should be supplemented alongside good game for ideal modern results.

Murfdigidy · 2018-12-18T17:37:17+00:00

I went from complete loser with women to a successful sedditor. I ended up settling down and getting married. Basically what seduction did for me was to be picky. So many guys settle for a women, seduction taught me to look for more than looks. That just because shes hot I don't need to deal with her shit, nor settle for it.

As you get older you begin to realize that capability is so crucial in the long run, if the girl doesn't share atleast some of your interests you're gonna not be happy in the long run. Sex and hotness only go so far. I was able to marry a beautiful girl who's also awesome in so many ways... She plays sports, she skis, plays beer pong, just fun shit i enjoy too.

As for me being a flirt, I'll always flirt with other girls so I never stop using seduction. Girls are still attracted to me and that's great it keeps life interesting. I would never cheat on my wife, there's no need nor am I interested. But I will never stop flirting with women. I'll never stop seduction.

Think of it this way. An attractive girl never stops being attractive unless she lets herself go. Well same goes for men, Attractive guys never stop being attractive unless they change and become needy or beta.

PhysiologyIsPhun · 2018-12-18T18:55:37+00:00

I don't think there's really an end goal per se. As the married commenter said, even if you do end up married and don't feel like cheating, you need to keep your skills sharp to remain attractive. To me, seduction is like lifting. Every time you practice it, you will improve yourself, and improvement in itself is the goal. Personally, I went out and did the whole daygame and night game thing (sans alcohol most of the time) for awhile until I felt confident enough that I could pull or at least get a few promising dates lined up every time I go out. Now, I don't actively go out with the explicit goal of meeting women, I just go and approach whenever a nice girl catches my eye. As an attractive male, you should be too busy with your job, hobbies and side pursuits to be going on 5+ dates a week anyway.

iq_same_as_age · 2018-12-18T16:51:58+00:00

i only approach and use dating apps actively if i feel good internally. otherwise it's a complete waste of time and i'm only hurting myself, and not learning. i have to be in full control of my life without the chance of any bad habits messing up my brain, then when the fundamentals are all solid and set in place i can go out and level up

ImJustSo · 2018-12-18T19:54:59+00:00

What's my end goal should be different than what yours is, but I'll share what I wanted and what I ended up with.

Originally, I just wanted to be better with girls. I wanted to be better with people in general. I wanted to walk into a room and people to think, "That guy is awesome!" I wanted to be awesome.

I got all of that and more. I didn't know that my social skills would be so broad. I can read situations and adjust things in a way that makes everyone happy with how shit worked out, with me coming out on top. Practically every person I stop and talk to has a compliment for me. Any person that I befriend has joy in their heart because of my presence. I make people feel good and I thoroughly enjoy that people love me so easily and so quickly. I bring value to their lives and all I have to do is be myself. I'm a happy person and a positive person. It influences others and motivates them to be like me. It's flattering, all of it is flattering. I'm smooth, charismatic, and attractive. I get free shit, I get special treatment.

I never saw this guy in my mind when I started, but I never would've believed someone that told me this is who I'd turn into someday. I didn't know it was possible for anyone, but especially not myself. I love being alive. I love people. I love myself, too.

OatsForDays · 2018-12-19T14:51:07+00:00

The turning point in my dating life occurred a few months ago.

I removed myself from the seduction community because I felt like I was starting to act robotic with women.

There is no such thing thing as a one size fits all method to dating/seduction.

My success sky rocketed once I decided to just be myself and use my intuition.

I dont have "rules" or a "playbook". I'm simply myself.

I started doing things that seddit shuns because I was being myself. I would set up the next date during the current date if I felt like it. I would text girls between dates and stop being Mr Robot the only uses texting for setting dates.

I continued prioritizing my values. Going to the gym, watching football, even when the girl was with me if I felt like watching the game (I'm a fantasy football enthusiast)

jakkaroo · 2018-12-18T22:30:14+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm a pro or anything but in between my last two girlfriends there was a period where I was going out on dates or seeing girls 3-4 nights a week. It got a little exhausting and somewhat expensive, but after a while patterns started to emerge.

How did I "get" girls? Mostly through bumble. For bumble I'd chat with a girl and in no less than the first conversation or two ask her if she wants to get drinks and then her number. From there just texted to build a little more rapport and scheduled a date. If the date was more than a day or two away, I'd keep the line open and say something funny or relevant every so often just to keep interest warm. If you schedule a date for Thursday the next week and it's Tuesday and you don't say anything in between them, the girl is most likely going to flake. This applies to IRL girls as well.

For IRL girls I excel the most personally when I can have a decent conversation. Meaning, I'm not into the club scene, my dance skills are average at best and I'm in no way a blatant sexual person so that doesn't really work for me. So trendy bars is the perfect spot for me. See a girl that I like, and I usually go up to them with a question of some sort, a comment relevant to the environment or situation, or just say hi I'm Jimbodimbo (real name redacted for privacy purposes). From there I just have a mostly normal conversation with plenty of humor mixed in, and some flirting I get some indicators of interest. Then either in the middle of the convo or before one of us needs to leave, I ask if she wants to stay in touch or hang out sometime. There's the number.

The date. After building some text rapport and scheduling the date with the guidelines listed above, I take the girl to a cute bar that is inexpensive, not super fancy, not dingey, has the drink of her choice (she into wine? Beer? Mixed drinks? Straight vodka? 40s? Definitely take note), and has a good vibe but not too loud so we can have a conversation. I'll bring condoms just in case I get lucky but I go into EVERY date, and especially every first date, with zero expectations that sex will happen. It takes the pressure off. All I'm looking to do is have fun and get to know the girl. Every girl should be treated with respect and you should be fun, cool, easy going, and not bland. I mean don't play it too safe otherwise you're just boring. When she's a bit more comfortable start spiking in some of the more obscure parts of your personality. Don't say you like to jerk off to tentacle porn. More like, you're into birds or your little projects or hobbies. Stuff to show your uniqueness.

At some point during the date I can tell if the girl is into me. USUALLY. Sometimes girls are hard to read and it's not your fault, they might just be more inhibited. So when I realize this, AND there is a lull in the conversation, AND I'm getting the feeling that I want to kiss her, I just lean in, pull her head close to mine, and start making out. Lightly. Not porno make out. I've made out with girls in crowded but intimate bars at the bar. It's hot when the girl is a little resistive because she's embarrassed but wants it so she keeps kissing you.

If it's unclear the girl wants to kiss me, at some point toward the end of the date I ask her if she's having fun and wants to see me again. If she answers enthusiastically, then I know I'm good for a kiss. I always go for a kiss on the first date (assuming I'm feeling it and can sense or have confirmed she's feeling it). Simply no reason not to.

Date 2 or 3. Another bar or casual activity. Depending on the vibe I got, I might invite her over to bake something or cook dinner together. DONT TAKE her acceptance as agreeing to fuck you, but it's a good chance it might happen. Again, you're just looking to have fun. Do that, and at some point when I'm on the couch making out, I escalate slowly until I see that she is DTF. Then it's just a matter of following through, being a respectful gentleman of course.

Then that's pretty much it. I keep in touch with every girl and see them once every week to two weeks and once sex is on the table, it usually remains there. I'm honest. I say I'm not looking for anything serious but I enjoy their company and would like to keep seeing them. Don't always take her back to your place, spice it up and keep "dating" the girls. But keep it light and fun.

I had multiple concurrent casual sexual relationships going on for a few months until I met a girl who I fell in love with and eventually she shattered my heart into a million pieces and I'm still terribly broken hearted but that's a story for another day.

Anyway that's the formula I derived and it works pretty solid. I'm not an ONS type guy. I've had them but I prefer light casual sexual relationships. Much more rewarding for everyone and a lot less pressure.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-12-19T04:10:30+00:00

1

Like, is there a go-to endgoal about what you should be able to do, and what's normal, after you studied this a lot?

There are a couple of principles or guide posts towards the sorts of end goals you're referring to, that end up being really important to one's own happiness, in and out of Seduction:

The ability to calibrate.
Being able to let go of your expectations so that desperation doesn't taint your efforts......
......which leads to finding peace and happiness in the whole process, rather than specific outcomes that are often ultimately out of one's control.

To break these down a bit:

1.) Calibration: People often focus on finding the balls to break out of their funk and just interact with people, but this is thrust with no direction. Paying attention to people allows one to know the direction to put their energy into. Without a sense of calibration, one can constantly be bashing their head into the wall, getting doors figuratively slammed into their face, people constantly saying they're not feeling it, etc. This skill requires empathy, which requires nothing more than realizing that human beings have the basic things in common, and just trying to get to the bottom of what motivations and emotions guide the person who you're talking to, male or female.

2.) Outcome Independence; letting go of one's expectations: requires quite a bit of work. A sense of one's own self-worth, based on some self-validation, is required. (It's impossible to be completely self-validating unless one strives to be sociopathic, which is bad.) I believe that strong Outcome Independence also requires building a social network of people who mutually enjoy their own company and share personal values about what's important in life. When you have such networks (multiple networks are best), then you have a stronger position from which to meet new people. Multiple networks also brings a lot of people to you, because those networks involve social events that attract new people looking to meet others.

3.) Once one has their social networks up and running, it's easier to find some peace in the process, rather than being so preoccupied with results you haven't gotten yet, that you are stopping your own progress towards those very results.

When you have this sort of peace, you'll find enjoyment by yourself when you're around people enough.
It'll be easier to let go and take time by yourself instead of having FOMO and feeling like you constantly need to be at this.
And it'll be easier to have confidence that you can reach out and meet new people easily, either through cold approach or conversations you start up at social events.

2

I don't go out daygaming, and I suck at nightgame, but I get my dates from Tinder etc. which works allright)

1.) Daygaming is often far under-utilized. It's not just the whole idea of cold approaching strangers. There are lots of social events where people come together already looking to meet new people. The ice comes pre-broken in this case. Low hanging fruit is there for a reason: grab it!

If the only daygame you observe is cold approaching strangers on the street, this is too limited and restricted to situations that are more high-pressure. Daygame should be relaxing. Like you're outside running errands and just paying attention to what's going on around you, and opening people based on every day shit.

(Related: David Wygant has a great video on paying attention so that you have plenty to open or talk to people about.)

2.) Nightgame: Why do you "suck" at it?

3.) Tinder is okay, but should only EVER be supplementary at best. It shouldn't be the primary way you're meeting new people.

Nutsonclark · 2018-12-20T19:15:18+00:00

I've stopped day gaming. Everyone needs to start though to build a good foundation. You can't do the bench press if you can't even do a single push-up. Had gfs, fuck buddies, one night stands, Tinder lays...the whole deal.

I'd say go day game. Even if it doesn't lead in a lay, you will gain immense social calibration.

scottjohns98 · 2018-12-18T18:51:23+00:00

You have asked a few questions here. For one, no, it is not normal to go out in the streets specifically to do pickup. It doesn’t come off as genuine, and is honestly very creepy, especially if they confront you later on about what you were doing out and about. So, then on the hand of “what’s the end goal?”, that’s somewhat for you to decide. For me, the goal should be simply confidence in approaching girls in appropriate environment, and having a high success rate of closing and getting a number/Snapchat. Finally, Tinder is a great crutch at first to build some confidence, but eventually you need to stop using and find someone in person. Only a fraction of girls are on tinder, whereas every girl you see in public is a new opportunity if they look approachable. Also Note: Lots of PUA artist videos on YouTube are so staged it’s not even funny

Title	Experienced Sedditors; How do you go about?
Author	Paltenburg
Upvotes	14
Comments	26
Date	December 18, 2018 3:15 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a7bwme/experienced_sedditors_how_do_you_go_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/experienced-sedditors-how-do-you-go-about.1458891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1458891

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