Flaking!

FuckYouGuys · 2011-04-29T15:09:43+00:00

I'm not an expert but it sounds like you built a lot of sexual tension and dominated her attention for the night. She invested a lot of her time in you with the goal of getting laid.

You dropped her in exchange for a date painting a bathroom. Seriously not a super awesome date. I would think this is why she flaked. She was probably frustrated.

I think if you're picking up girls at a bar, diverting them towards a slower dating process during the day is going to have a low success rate. For the most part those girls want to get laid. They'll probably be more open to the dating process if you follow through that first night.

Castlereagh · 2011-04-29T15:20:17+00:00

One of the biggest problems with meeting women in clubs is that they put on a radically different social mask than what they normally wear. This mask is bolder, louder, and more sexual than the masks they wear, say, at home on a weekday night or working during the afternoon. When women go to clubs they're locked into a certain attitude of openness and adventure that they don't have most other times. (That's why day game is as a rule trickier than bar/club game.) You can get a woman to make out with you at a club, but when you contact her a few days later she's completely lost that mindset. The vibe is gone.

The solution is to establish some comfort with her before you ask for her number. You don't have to take her anywhere else (although it certainly helps). You just need to show her your personality in the context of something other than a bar or club. Show her you're interested in her for valid reasons. She might be attracted to you, but unless she has reason to believe you're attracted to her as something other than a parter for quick sex she's likely to ignore your call later that week.

An attractive woman will always have a line of potential sex partners. That's why they're more likely to flake. By the time you call a few days after you make out, you're a distant memory. She can easily go to the bar or club any night she wants and find another man just like you.

2011-04-29T19:42:18+00:00

You blue-balled a chick.

Read what FuckYouGuys and puaCurveBall said, they're on the money. Here's your problem in a nutshell: You escalated kino to the makeout, got her seriously turned on, and then didn't take her somewhere to fuck her. Have you ever known how frustrating that is? That's why you're getting flaked.

You have to decide, do you want a ONS or to see women a few times? If you want just a ONS then fuck her that night! She was begging you to go home with her and you rejected her. Burn.

Or, if you want to see her a few times do not makeout with her until you are at a sex location. By making out with her and not being in a sex location or immediately moving to one you frustrate her and cause "Buyer's remorse" where she regrets having made out with you.

For more info on this, read the DiCarlo Kino Escalation Ladder.

L0aded · 2011-04-29T15:13:28+00:00

We talk a lot about "outcome independence" here. It is one thing to understand the concept while it is another to live it.

I give her a text... no reply. Ring her... no answer. Send her another text... no reply.

You were outcome dependent. You want her to come out on a date with you.

Now I know what you are thinking: of course your want her to come out. That isn't the issue. The issue is that when she doesn't it upsets you. You are thinking it reflects badly on you. You are second guessing yourself. Are you good enough? Did you do enough? How can you win her?

Imagine you had true abundance. You have 10 HB's all of which want to hang out with you and paint your apartment. You say to this girl at the bar "maybe I'll invite you" and then you send her a single text. She doesn't respond. Do you come to seddit and ask for advice? Do you even bat an eyelash? No, you text one of the other 10 HB's and you don't give it a second thought.

This advice isn't going to help you convince that one girl to do that one thing you want her to. It is supposed to remind you that one girl doing one thing doesn't define you. Girls flake like crazy (as evidenced by the constant posts on the issue). Accept it. Ignore it. Keep at it. Just be ready for when that one girl with high interest does respond to your text and is eager to meet.

puaCurveBall · 2011-04-29T17:30:20+00:00

If I was her, I would have buyers remorse and think the only reason you want me to come over is to have sex with me. That is fine if I am super horny, but most of the day like when you would be txting or calling, I wouldn't be horny and therefore wouldn't want to randomly meet up with you when all you know or expect from me is sex.

If you aren't going to SNL then you need to make the interaction not only about sex, and also bridge the day2 correctly so they know you aren't going to expect anything they aren't comfortable giving

worthwhilethrowaway · 2011-04-29T15:46:11+00:00

The problem was that I felt pretty drunk and I know from previous experience that my dick doesn't always do as he's told when I've had a lot of alcohol

lol... you realize that in addition to a cock, you have a left hand, a right hand, and a mouth, all of which are individually capable of giving a girl multiple orgasms while your cock gets ready for action.

stop being so cock-centric, and learn how to please a girl, harsh but it's worth learning.

frogma · 2011-04-29T17:16:14+00:00

It really depends on how you approached it- the post won't be able to tell that; I'd have to actually watch you to see how you played it. Purposely holding off on sex can be a golden move if you play it the right way- really high-value, ambiguous about your interest, all that good stuff. Regardless, when you get the open invitation, you go for it- especially if you want a fuck buddy. Fuck buddies fuck, they don't just chill and paint shit.

It could easily be the case that this girl wanted sex with you that night, and otherwise wasn't gonna waste her time with you afterward. I think it's a bad approach to just assume certain girls are looking for one-night-stands and other girls aren't- instead, assume all girls will be open to a ONS if you play it right, and all girls will be open for more if you play that right. People assume chicks in bars are a different "type" of girl- which simply isn't true unless you're going to the wrong bars. I've met more "normal" girls than "sluts" at bars, and I think other guys just look around the bar and think all the girls are sluts because the sluts stand out so much.

Anyway, what often happens when you meet a girl at a bar/club/party is you spend some time with her (too much time, usually), she gets complacent with that, and at the end of the night she just wants to go home. In this case, she still wanted you- which is awesome- but then you turned her down, at which point she was satisfied with her night and just wanted to go home. She has absolutely no reason to stay in touch with you afterward, when she can easily find a new guy the very next night (or maybe she already has some orbiters). That's why you gotta fuck the girl and not just settle for the number. Even then, you gotta show her a good time and make everything comfortable the next day if you want to see her again.

ThikMcLargehuge · 2011-04-29T20:01:11+00:00

Re-engaging a flake is a big problem. I am in the middle of this situation with a HB8 I met a few weeks ago. Pickup at the bar, great connection, made out, # close, time bridge. Flake.

The most sure way to re-engage a flake is by following the advice of the others here. Literally do not give a fuck. If she flakes, wait a week. Crawling to her to re-engage is not going to anything for you.

A week later or so, re-open with a flirty IOI. One that I've used successfully in the past goes along the lines of (a girl I met on OKCupid) (via text):

me: "So apparently not all OKC dates are created equal. Apparently dental students are even more boring than dentists."

her: responded within 5 minutes.

me (30 minutes later): I've been lectured about teeth for over an hour. Save me?

This re-opens the dialog, which is a requisite for re-establishing a meeting time. Open an invitation to the next meeting with a playful neg.

me: "So two of my girlfriends just dragged me to [that place you said you like]. Totally not all it's cracked up to be."

her: [it is too, I like it]

me: [some variation on "show me" or "prove it"]

Of course, some flakes are just flakes, but having a system to try to re-engage or open in intimidating situations is what this is all about, amirite?

Good luck, mate.

sdtoking420 · 2011-04-30T00:29:30+00:00

Just give her a date and time. That's key!

RedPosterboard · 2011-04-30T15:59:49+00:00

Reading your story gets me thinking about the scene in American Pie where Oz is at the Lacrosse game and assumes that he will score but fails, and his coach gets pissed off with him and tells him:

"YOU DON'T SCORE, TILL YOU SCORE!"

I've been in similar situations where I was together with a girl... and just didn't drive hard enough for the F-close, because I thought I was going to get another chance with her. Wrong! I didn't, and imagine my frustration. You don't score till you score :-(

I concur 100% with DeliciousWolf. She was aching for it and you made her feel rejected. You had your self doubts about your ability to perform that night because you were semi drunk... but girls also have doubts about themselves and I'm afraid that by suggesting to her that you go home alone, you triggered one of these feelings in her.

She was expecting sex with a hot and cool guy (you), and for some reason she doesn't understand, you turned her down. That stung, and it made her angry with you. Wasn't she good enough for you, she wonders?

That she doesn't text you back is related to 1) that you rejected her, 2) buyer's remorse (who is this guy anyway, I hardly know him) which is, as you observe, related to 3) lack of comfort.

Creating comfort can fortunately be incredible easy to create. Check the post I have up on deep diving.

I'm linking to the mPUA Chase Amante's blog where you'll find the original article on deep diving as well as an article on pushing yourself the last 5% to get to the close. Good, relevant stuff in there too.

Either way, great to hear you're laying quality chicks now :P Keep up the good work, and remember; you don't score till you score! :)

l3fth4nd · 2011-04-29T17:51:53+00:00

Take this advice with a grain of salt, I still suck. Flakes are supposedly caused by lack of experiencing a range of emotions with the girl, bad interactions, and random circumstance you can't control. You said the interaction was awesome, so that leaves she has something going on in her life, or that she didn't experience enough normal everyday emotions with you (boredom, frustration, thoughtfulness). The idea here is that since memory is state dependant, she'll remember that she wants you in and around her mouth when she's drunk and horny and having a blast, but when she's in normal mode she can barely remember you. Some call this comfort, I like the full definition better because that shit is insightful.

HW_Plainview · 2011-04-29T19:36:13+00:00

Your gut feeling is 100% right. I had the exact same problem. Read The Mystery Method, he talks all about this.

It's called buyers remorse. These girls the next day say oh my God I drunkenly made out with this guy, not I met this amazing guy and we related to each other, he didn't give me much and I want MORE.

Build comfort!

I wouldn't even bother taking a girls number that you only made out with on the dance floor.

So, how to get around this you ask?

Story from 2 weeks ago...

On the dance floor, me and this chick are having a great time. It comes to a point where I see Ok cool, this girl is cute and I would like to see her again. I MUST build comfort. I start with a qualification question "What's your story?" She only says her name and asks me mine. Ok , I'm not going to give her my name. Guess my name, and if you get it wrong you gotta give me a kiss on the check. A bunch of kisses on the cheek later she guesses it right.

Now that wasn't exactly comfort building, but as you can see I'm not just making out with her, which I could have. This is all going down on the dance floor, luckily it wasn't too loud.

Build more comfort..."We're going to play the question game...rule number one, we both ask each other a question, and go back and forth...rule two, you have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God...Rule three, you can't ask a question that's already been asked...Rule 4, I go first...How many boyfriends have you had?"

You can choose to increase it sexually or not, your decision

I chose not to, and we had an awesome chat asking each other awesome questions like "If you could visit anywhere..." bla bla bla.

The question game is awesome because it's game, which girls love. But most importantly it gets away from the whole "what do you do" "what program are you in?" bullshit, and get's you to ask elaborate, awesome questions.

I didn't kiss her until the end.

The next day I texted her "A dog, a cat and some chickens. It's female Siberian Husky. How are you?"

In the question game she told me these are the animals she had back home. I got her to remember the amazing time we had on the dance floor. The text back was something like "Oh my God, greatest dance floor conversation ever!".

Build comfort or don't even bother getting her number.

Hope this has helped!

Title	Flaking!
Author	L0aded
Upvotes	26
Comments	33
Date	April 29, 2011 2:34 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h05qv/flaking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/flaking.1317826 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317826

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