Growth Mindset is Hurting Me

SeaOk4403 · 2025-01-27T18:06:36+00:00

In one perspective, nothing is wrong, and it's perfectly natural to want better and better things in life. But in another, it's an endless chase. There's always going to be something better, somewhere out there. And you'll never reach that point of being truly satisfied.

From the partner's perspective, you'll signal that you're someone who's never satisfied. It'll be short term highs, and when the honey-moon phases passes, its over. Your attention will seem fleeting. Unstable. Ungrounding. Unsustainable for long term commitments.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2025-01-27T18:05:43+00:00

What you actually need to do is meet enough girls so that you desensitize and stop believing every girl you meet is the girl of your dreams. You need to start seeing women as the flawed humans they are.

Dwerg1 · 2025-01-27T20:05:55+00:00

Ah, yes, the grass is always greener on the other side syndrome. Here's what I think on this subject.

You'll encounter this same trap with self-improvement in general, always wanting more and better, it's never enough, it's never good enough. There's something inherently negative about this because it implies a constant state of lack in the moment. Your mind living more in a hypothetical future than enjoying what's right in front of you this moment.

So yes, this is hurting you, because nothing will ever be good enough if you don't slow down enough to enjoy what you have.

There's also a whole other dimension to being with a woman which I am now aware of after spending over 9 years together with just one. The relationship, intimacy, trust and shared experience is of significant value (if it's good obviously). No woman can replace or do better than that without starting over and spending a significant amount of time and emotional investment getting back to the aame point and then maybe surpass it.

There's also the fact that there is no perfect match, there's going to be something you don't particularly like about her. The question is whether it's insignificant enough that you can tolerate it potentially for the rest of your life or you if know it's going to drive you nuts with time if she doesn't change. If you don't tolerate at least some minor things then relationship just isn't even for you.

I fell into the same mental trap myself 10 years ago and it is indeed not a nice way to live, it's unsustainable. In my case I was not only chasing a better future, I realized I was also running from the past. Thing is that the shit from my past was still subtly whispering "I'm not good enough" and constantly chasing something better amplified it by implying "my life is not good enough".

I had to stop, but I was afraid I'd get stuck, that I'd make no improvement at all, lose all motivation and so on. It was actually hard, but I did stop because as I kept pushing on I essentially ran myself into the ground and simply couldn't anymore. It felt so damn good to just drop everything and simply be, but this extreme is as my fear predicted not good forever.

The solution? Somewhere in between, enjoy the simple things right here and right now, then when your energy is charged up you can go at whatever you want to grind. When the grind just about starts to feel bad, take a step back, relax and switch focus again to what you have. Work with the ups and downs of life, not against it. You can both appreciate what you have and work towards what you want, just not at the same point in time, so you'll need to alternate.

Even within a relationship, instead of trying to one up by replacing her with a "better" girl, you can one up the experience of the relationship by working to improve the relationship you have. Having a growth mindset and utilizing it within the relationship while also knowing when to take a step back can make for a relationship good enough that replacing her will seem preposterous to you.

-MrsInterrupted- · 2025-01-27T22:48:31+00:00

I think it shows a good amount of self awareness and intelligence that you’re reflecting on this. How do you see yourself as a partner? Have you felt appreciated for what makes you incredible in these relationships? Are you able to be vulnerable and share your insecurities? Have you felt seen? We all have qualities that make us wonderful partners and ones that make us more challenging ones, I’m just wondering if you feel any uncertainty with what you’ve brought to the table as a partner in these relationships?💜

precisedevice · 2025-01-27T18:48:12+00:00

Why can’t you just go with girl C?

Title	Growth Mindset is Hurting Me
Author	SmoothOperatorBaby
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	January 27, 2025 5:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ibf7yr/growth_mindset_is_hurting_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/growth-mindset-is-hurting-me.1542301 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542301

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