How can I truly work on my self-esteem?

themostgianthorse · 2022-03-17T01:48:25+00:00

No magic pills or sayings. You must change your beliefs and do the work.

First, you need to internalize the belief that there is no soul mate. There are good ones. There are bad ones but there is no ONE as they say. Women are women.

Second, you need to remind yourself that there are 4 billion women in the world. Break this down further based on your demographic. If you are in a major city there are thousands of potential women for you to hook up with/date, etc.

Can you imagine taking the time to meet all of them? Even just for a same night lay? You don’t have time bro! Now multiply that across the country and then the world. At this point, you should realize that “failure” with or rejection from any one woman is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

These will take a while to internalize. You are probably not going to read one Reddit comment and go “Oh damn! Thanks! I’m cured!”

Third, on top of all the normal shit (diet,dress,gym,social life,goals), you need to remove buffers (see TRM vol. 1) or crutches from your life. Determine what your greatest challenges or fears are and face them head on. If you are scared of heights, you should go zip lining or sky diving. If you are scared of snakes, go to the pet store and pick one up, etc, etc.

Lastly, you cannot control exactly what feelings occur; only what you do with them. It is important to note that feelings are derived from our experiences. The only way to have new feelings is to have new experiences. The headspace app may be a good resource for you.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-03-17T02:18:59+00:00

Try this exercise. Close your eyes, take three deep breaths and imagine meeting someone who looks, talks, dresses, behaves, smells and has the exact same history and experiences as you, but just happens to go by another name.

How would you react to this person? Would they instantly be your best friend? Would you be extatic to meet them. If not, then why not? What qualities do they have that make you not want to be besties wjth that person? Perhaps they are shy, weird, mean spirited? Identify these things and then change them. But if you have friends and family who may posses some of the "flaws" you beat yourself up over, you need to figure out why you are willing to give them a break but not yourself. What redeeming qualities do your friends and family posses that help you overlook their flaws. You need to use the same standards to judge yourself.

andyhura · 2022-03-17T05:26:32+00:00

Read the book the six pillars of self esteem. Has everything you need.

lana_graves_ · 2022-03-17T01:28:56+00:00

I get this too, the best thing to do is not let it mess with your head. Go out on your own every once in a while to do something you enjoy

Capt_Lush · 2022-03-17T05:10:27+00:00

https://youtu.be/GbslTzWz2OI

__Marcus__Aurelius__ · 2022-03-17T09:21:36+00:00

Pick skills or qualities you want, and work to achieve them. You don’t even need to succeed, just being in the state of ‘becoming who you want to be’ is sufficient.

In the last few months I’ve taken up a bunch of new hobbies and my self confidence has sky rocketed.

Therapy and the gym have been the two best things for me. Do both of those consistently and you’ll be off to a good start.

anotherwayoflife · 2022-03-17T14:10:21+00:00

You work your ass off.

You work hard in the gym you work hard at your job you work hard in your studies and you climb as high as you can and you follow your dreams.

After a while you are forced to respect yourself because of how far you came.

Source: used to be a much bigger loser and am respecting myself becuase of the work I put in

Shangoinhood · 2022-03-17T19:41:44+00:00

There is a book which I recommend to you if one has not already called Feel the fear and do it anyway. I actually have NOT read the book but the title alone has done wonders for my life and career. Let me expalin.....

Low self esteem is a feeling that you are unable or unsuitable for XYZ. In the work place it is known as Imposter Syndrome. The thing you could read the best advice on Reddit but until you apply it - it means NADA.

What do you do?

Overcome the Fear by using the low self esteem to motivate you .....

You see a girl want to approach - but feel shy or lacking?

Ans: Fine: Feel the emotion, know that emotion is temporary and will go approach anyway.

You need to find something that you have enjoy doing and achiveve outside of dating?

Achiveving something anything: 1) Gives you something you can be naturally proud of which will build your esteem from the inside; 2) You need to have a focus outside of dating.

You wrote: "I become more and more insecure, worrying about if she is talking to other dudes, getting jealous over small things".

Time for you to develop your dating standards:

If she talking to other dudes - cool! Introduce yourself and make friends.
If she is CHEATING on you - she's not worthy to breath the same air as you.
Move on from her.
Wings and Friends: Take the initative and invite your guy friends out to places. Wings and social buddies will make meeting other girls easier.
Try to identify what you feel is the problem: Are you coming across as boring, are you coming across to boring, is your mind going blank or are you failing to communicate that you re interested in being more than a buddy with girls ?
Is the problem the girl: Is the girl too boring and you need to meet women more interesting or is it a marketing issue: Is she attracted to a specific look e.g. biker guy but your image is more suited and booted?

Food for thought! Truth is anything is possible - but for now Feel the fear and do it anyway and you will notice that the after doing once or twise- your self esteem returns because you have conquered.

Good luck and remember Reddit - has your back :))

tropicsGold · 2022-03-17T06:11:13+00:00

True self esteem comes from actual accomplishments. You have to get ripped at the gym, so you actually ARE hot, not just pretending. You need to start building an amazing career so you have a bright future. I really recommend a martial art, physical competence is a big part of confidence in the face of male competition. When other guys see you and your girl, they need to keep away, not view you as an easy target. Focus on your own actual accomplishments, and the rest will follow.

MyUsername0_0 · 2022-03-17T06:13:45+00:00

A thing that helps is whenever you catch yourself saying anything negative about yourself replace it with something positive.

bill0124 · 2022-03-17T01:44:15+00:00

Honestly, just accomplishing things and building a record of success has helped me. A lot of people say build a career, get in shape, and find hobbies to be good at dating. Not only does this make you more attractive, but it's just good for self esteem.

If the market tells you your worth a 6 figure salary, who cares what some hoe thinks? If you're shredded, people just assume your a chad. You wont need validation if you've demonstrated your own capabilities through some sport / hobby you've mastered.

I'm a very logical guy, so a lot of these things directly disproved any insecurities I had. I just kept running through it until I fully believed it.

argumentativepigeon · 2022-03-17T12:59:43+00:00

Go TO ThErApY

2022-03-17T03:29:29+00:00

following

incognito3107 · 2022-03-17T06:19:54+00:00

By choosing the right partner and not engaging in their world too much for the cost of yours.

SnooPets1514 · 2022-03-17T12:28:35+00:00

I learnt a lot about this in therapy bro. There's this thing in psychology called internal or external locus of control.

As soon as you place more of an emphasis on your life externally you are 100% setting yourself up for heartbreak, disappointment and (as you say, insecurity).

When you realise that all these girls are, are just people (like you) who shit, piss, pick their nose and fart too (when no-one's looking) that should give you the confidence that no one should hold authority over the way you view yourself, but you.

It's why so many 'bad boys' do 'well' with women. It's because they legitimately don't care. And when someone you don't know cares about you too much it can come off pathetic. Think of a hot girl that's into you but follows you everywhere like a lost puppy (it might be endearing to begin with and a turn-on but it'd soon get irritating and annoying).

Now, oppose the above example with a hot girl that's got her shit together and who you know is into you and is giving you the goods but isn't reliant on you, scared when you go out, etc. you'd be much more into her 100%.

As guys, we'd be fucking lucky if two extremely attractive women were into us. But if you're a woman, you're likely going to have a few Chad's in your orbit so you want to be as cool as possible without being aloof to set you apart from the beta's

bestmenrmenatbest · 2022-03-17T12:34:03+00:00

Very easy. Stop putting women on a pedestal. Or people in general. But on a date for example, you are probably sitting across from a woman who has swallowed a load or had it on their face or has done just as disgusting things like eating ass. Even if they haven’t just assume they have. How can you be nervous when you know they most likely have done these things and other degrading things with other men

saulisdating · 2022-03-17T12:57:11+00:00

The short version is to lead a good life in alignment with your core values. This encompasses everything.

The long version is… well, really too long for a Reddit comment.

Title	How can I truly work on my self-esteem?
Author	eckzotic
Upvotes	22
Comments	21
Date	March 17, 2022 12:10 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tfx3wh/how_can_i_truly_work_on_my_selfesteem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-truly-work-on-my-self-esteem.1264408 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264408

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