How did you overcome Approach Anxiety?

hunterpua · 2018-07-20T18:10:35+00:00

Using a method I dubbed "Smile Therapy".

The name is based off of a discussion I had with a friend where we talked about Rejection Therapy and I disagreed with its effectiveness in getting over Approach Anxiety. The basic premise of rejection therapy is to purposefully create situations where you would be rejected so that you get to see that it isn't so bad and you will be desensitized to it or like another commenter here said, "fail so many times that you don’t care".

Here's the problem, you may numb yourself to the effects of rejection but you also teach your subconscious to associate the act of you approaching with getting rejected. Your subconscious is very simplistic, it doesn't understand the intricate thoughts your conscious mind has, it simply makes basic connections like food = mouth feels good/full belly, sex = good feeling in dick and other parts, loud noises = scary/danger, etc. So you want it to think "approach = people happy to see me" because your subconscious is where your AA is coming from in the first place.

I called my approach Smile Therapy pretty much as a middle finger to Rejection Therapy. The way you do it is you purposefully set up situations so that when you approach someone they smile. You can do things like this.

If you don't want to buy and give away a bunch of chocolates then another way to do it is by simply giving away compliments for free. That means you approach someone, give them a compliment and leave. Its very important that you leave because its the fact that you're giving away something nice and not expecting anything in return that gets them to smile and be happy that you approached them.

Notice the people that give away the chocolate walk away immediately too.

You will find that even if you just make 5 people smile in a single day it'll feel like you no longer have approach anxiety and you should take advantage of that by making real attempts to pick girls up. The thing is, you'll also notice that by the next day approach anxiety will be back. That's because approach anxiety has developed in you for a very long time so it will take time to reverse that completely. Don't worry about it, just keep doing the smile therapy until you wake up just ready to talk to absolutely anybody.

I literally had that. When I lived in a dorm, the window of my room was facing the sidewalk so when I woke up one day I saw a really hot girl outside and sprinted downstairs to get to her and approach her. I didn't change or anything, I even admitted to her that I hadn't even showered and we ended up going on an instant date by having breakfast together.

...

This part is for everyone reading this comment

A lot of you have sent me direct messages asking for my advice because you read a comment I made on this sub, just like this one, and found it to be very helpful/insightful/meaningful and I'm happy to say I've been able to help you guys so much more because of that.

Here's the problem: More and more messages are coming in and I really want to help but its getting hard to keep up.

So I've put together a Facebook group for you guys that want to improve your dating lives and want to actually understand the psychology behind our interactions with not only women but with ourselves and people in general.

If you want to be part of a group that believes in finesse over brute force, technique over strength, smart work over hard work, Seduction over pursuit then send me a direct message letting me know you want to join.

If you are serious about getting better with women then I'll be happy to welcome you in.

ethical_pa · 2018-07-20T18:18:09+00:00

Like anything else: exposure. So you keep doing it. Really, there is no secret. One tip: Try to turn that fear of getting rejected into an excitement about seeing what will happen. Good luck.

noprideinsomniac95 · 2018-07-20T19:37:54+00:00

When I was in college, it was easy. I could ask people if they're new, what their major was. I just told myself I was genuinely curious in meeting new people and seeing what they had to offer, men and women. Getting older it's a bit harder, people are a bit more uptight and you don't have that common ground as you did when everyone around you went to the same school. Still though, the same attitude applies.

Also the biggest thing is to just say something as soon as the possibility of talking to the person enters your mind. If you've begun wondering what to say, when you're best time is, etc. it's already too late.

razama · 2018-07-20T22:11:40+00:00

Although this isn't an answer to the inner game side of helping alleviate approach anxiety, a technique I use is to gain energy and take action before even running into that beautiful woman.

My game starts with the first person I see in the morning. I try to bring positive energy and be friendly and authentic, making an effort to connect even briefly with small talk or a joke. I try to talk to as many people as I can, even if it is only briefly. It is important I'm being authentic and myself and not wanting any validation from these people otherwise I'll get exhausted and feel "fake" trying to get everyone to like me. With these authentic exchanges I feel more social and positive, my energy and mood are better too. My conversational skills are sharper and I'm on a small high, so when there is a woman I want to talk to I don't need to "switch" it on. I'm able to be smooth since I've already "warmed up". There is much less anxiety because I've already filled my day with tons of approaches that didn't stress me out.

zoyzause · 2018-07-20T21:34:54+00:00

You feel scared, and you do it anyway, DESPITE being nervous. Then regardless if you get rejected or not, you recognize you were able to act even if you're afraid.

Too many people think being scared is a good enough excuse to not do something. It's ok to be nervous. Act anyway.

Ut1987 · 2018-07-20T22:19:25+00:00

After seeing the post about the guy talking to two women a day, I had to do something. Finally have been talking to more girls out of my social circle. But I don’t find myself funny or I can’t teach myself to be funny.

meltboro · 2018-07-20T18:52:28+00:00

Realize its a numbers x effort game. I get most success at a large event of similar interest. For whatever reason the first 2 or 3 approaches seem to always fail or end amicably at best. I just assume this as part of the initial effort required, and then after generally comes a successful interaction. Youre not going to connect with everyone, people are just too different suck it up understand that its not failure (a polarized interaction is a successful interaction) its just part of the game and put the effort in.

dawnpriestess · 2018-07-21T18:41:32+00:00

Become more social in general, that means guys and girls. Talk to pretty much everyone, everyday, all the time. Then you won't have to put some fake "game face" on when you see someone you want to approach. CBD oil helps too.

NEPat10 · 2018-07-20T17:55:27+00:00

My advice would be to fail so many times that you don’t care if you go up to next HB9 and fail pathetically. Go out there with the intention of failing. Fail some more and then fail again.

Ronaldo-CR7- · 2018-07-20T20:21:54+00:00

Nootropics. I had pretty much tried every trick in the book but couldn’t get myself to approach a girl sober.

Maca Root - helped with confidence

L-Theanine - Removed any form of anxiety and made me calmer and cooler

Ashwgandha - puts you in a idgaf mood

I used these supplements because I quit drinking and didn’t want to rely on alcohol to approach.

However, recently I’ve found a new method. It works really well in clubs where people are dancing.

Here’s what works for me: By approaching a female you are already showing that you are a confident male. If the female rejects you and you make it seem like a big deal or that you are fazed by it then you already lost. I go to primarily Spanish and Latino clubs because I like to dance salsa and bachata and like Latin trap. I’ll be dancing and I’ll grab a girl to initiate a dance and if she rejects I’ll pretend like it never happened and keep dancing and smiling even around her. The female should know that the rejection does not even faze you one bit. This worked greatly for me.

This method combined with nootropics has brought tremendous success with woman.

Also, they say fake it till you make it but you should have something to be confident about. Are you in the best shape you could be? Best dressed you possibly could be? Fresh haircut? If you aren’t at your best don’t be surprised when a girl who puts in all the time at the gym and doing her makeup rejects you.. she has better options.

I’ve been rejected at clubs by girls uglier than me.. there are too many factors involved. Just find a routine and an approach and stick to it. It may not work every time but if you keep changing approaches after every rejection you’ll get nowhere. Cheers

GET_IN_THE_VAN · 2018-07-20T21:52:50+00:00

You never really get over it but it gets less and less the more you go out and have positive experiences. How long have you been going out for?

JJEng1989 · 2018-07-20T23:43:46+00:00

I work out then shower. The chemicals my body makes gives me confidence. Sometimes, I have to drink a couple of beers.

CharlesDarwinning · 2018-07-21T10:06:16+00:00

You don’t. you never will. get over it.

Amoney21 · 2018-07-21T03:18:21+00:00

AbsoluteAbility1 · 2018-07-20T22:41:59+00:00

I've been teaching guys how to overcome AA for a decade. There's no cure all. But I overcame mine, completely. You can to. Here's an article I just published called "How To Cure Approach Anxiety Forever." Should help.

the1iplay · 2018-07-21T00:37:38+00:00

Just say “Hi” to a million people

Title	How did you overcome Approach Anxiety?
Author	xrobotx
Upvotes	111
Comments	37
Date	July 20, 2018 5:43 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/90i3bd/how_did_you_overcome_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-overcome-approach-anxiety.1297938 https://theredarchive.com/post/1297938

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