How do beginners improve their conversation skills after learning to approach?

hunterpua · 2025-06-22T17:44:59+00:00

First of all actually practicing, as in talking to people a lot is extremely important.

But theres another side to that coin that I believe is equally as important:

Actually learning HOW to have conversations.

You know, you can get pretty good at moving a car around by stepping on the gas pedal and turning the steering wheel but if you don't actively learn things like Right of Way, the meanings of the different traffic signs, the visual markers for parking or keeping a safe distance, how to use your mirrors, how to estimate your distance from side to side, how to execute certain maneuvers like parallel parking, what lanes you can and can't be on, etc, then you will still be a pretty shit driver.

So for conversations I learned stuff like...

-After you ask her a question, respond to what she said first and try to relate to it a little before you go into a follow up question.

-Try to ask open-ended questions and if the person has a hard time answering them just make it easier by regressing to more leading questions and build up from there.

Ex. (harder) "What the craziest thing you've ever done?" (easier) "What's the craziest thing you've done in the past month?"

-Don't just move on from a topic. Dig into it.

Ex.

(wrong)

Her: I just got back from Paris.

You: That's cool. What do you do for fun?

(right)

Her: I just got back from Paris.

You: Interesting. I've never been and don't know much about the place except the fact that it seems to be a very popular place to travel to. How well did it match up with your expectations?

As you can see, you can also dig into a topic you hardly know anything about.

-If you talk about the past or future, you can keep the convo going forever.

Past, because you have at least 20ish years of past experiences, more if you're older.

Future, because it's infinite, because it hasn't happened yet.

Not to be confused with not being present. It doesn't matter that your topic is set in the past or future, if you're paying close attention to whatever you're talking about, you're still being present. Being present is not about a conversational topic, it's about whether your focus is drifting or not.

And you don't have to go far into the past or future either. You can talk about what happened yesterday or what's coming up tomorrow.

-You can connect with EVERYONE

We may not all like the same things, but we do all feel the same feelings.

Here's an example from my actual life:

I'm a metalhead. If anyone's familiar with heavy metal, you'd know the lyrics are pretty dark, but I'm not necessarily as dark as those lyrics.

A common criticism I get from others is, "Why do you like this shit man? The lyrics are either really fucked up or don't make any sense."

My response is, "Outside of the choruses, I don't even know the lyrics of most of these songs. I don't listen to metal for the meaning behind the lyrics, I listen for the sound of the music. The words they're singing (or screaming) are just more sounds that add to the music."

And then one day I was on a date with a girl who likes Kpop.

And I asked her, "Do you even understand what they're singing?"

She said, "No. I don't care about that. I just care that the music sounds good."

And there it is. On the surface, a metalhead and a Kpop fan shouldn't be able to connect, but we still did because we connected on how we feel, not what we do.

Of course, this is just for being good at conversations in general. You can certainly add in all the playful, flirty, seductive stuff. But that stuff is already talked about a lot on this sub so I figured I'd give you some helpful stuff that isn't that commonly discussed here.

Now how did I learn these things?

These are compiled from 16 years of me actively working on my ability to interact with people and I'm not gonna go into my journey right now, but here's what I'll tell you:

You know how sometimes you're just scrolling on Youtube, Instagram, or Reddit and you run into a short clip with a title like, "3 words to make an instant connection"?

If you tap on that and the advice really resonates with you, why not just look into the source of that advice and see if you can pick up more gems?

If you're scrolling on social media, you're gonna burn hours anyway. Better to use some of those hours to be productive.

And since we established in the very beginning that practice is extremely important, just pick one or two small things that you really liked from looking into that advice and practice it with lots and lots of people until it becomes integrated into your conversation skills and then learn more and repeat the process.

So yeah, talk to people a lot, but don’t just wing it forever. Learn, test, tweak, and repeat. It’s a skill like anything else. And the better you get at it, the more fun it becomes.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-06-22T13:40:53+00:00

Learn the core four. Disqualification, cold reading, qualification and storytelling. Practice until you can do it naturally without any mental effort.

ratfooshi · 2025-06-22T22:42:46+00:00

#1: Reflection.

Whether you get no play or you're a game master, everyone needs to reassess what went right and wrong in every interaction.

Otherwise, all that work was for NOTHING! A dead lesson you never learned cause you didn't show up.

The fundamentals that keep flow going is as simple as embracing the changes. It's not always gonna be peachy, but those moments of coldness or silence are key elements in building attraction. With no space, there's no room to imagine, fantasize, desire.

epimpstyle · 2025-06-22T09:49:13+00:00

Confidence comes with competence. I see no way to get the courage to approach a woman without knowing what to say and what to do. You can't start a conversation with someone and expect everything to just go fine and that the other person will help you. She might help you if she likes you at some level (in about 10% of cases), but if she's neutral (as in 80% of cases), she won't help you, and it's you who needs to push the conversation forward.

How do you do that?

- If you're a naturally social person (I think you aren't like that) but in this case you don't need to do anything, you already know how to talk, how to keep a conversation dynamic and playful. You won't see any value in "conversation lessons".

- if you are not so fortunate, then you need all kinds of routines/scripts that will help you with the conversation. I will give you just two examples:

"I see you have a ring/bracelet/necklace.... that reminds me of ..... [insert a funny story]"

"Are you a XYZ-her job? No way! A friend of my told me about her ex who was also XYZ-her job and he said .... [insert another funny story]"

Use a prop, as I often do. For example, I paint my pinky nail black. If there's a moment of silence during a conversation, I point to my nail and then talk about tattoos, rock music, horror movies,, cosmetics.... Sometimes I include a story about how my neighbors have a daughter and I scare her with my black nail (it's not true, I don't have such a neighbor, but it doesn't matter, it helps me with the conversation - that's all that matters).

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-06-23T13:00:55+00:00

Great question actually.

There are several levels to this. For someone who used to deal with anxiety, having a system that is too complex will be too much of a mental effort . You need to start simple. I learned how to connect with strangers and the easiest way for me to maintain a conversation while dealing with my nervousness was the comment+ question format .

The more talkative the woman was, the shorter ly comment. The less talkative she was, the longer my comment. As long as I am sharing my personal experience , its usually good enough to maintain conversations in 60% of scenarios.

Stock_Touch_5204 · 2025-06-28T08:03:21+00:00

I started out with routines, stories and games.

Yes... I know, I wasn't being "Authentic", but I was always running out of what to say and going quiet. Then after a while of doing this, I was able to hold conversation without needing these training wheels. They served their purpose.

There are plenty of resources for this on the web. Or just go into chatGPT and tell it "Pretend to be [PUA of choice] and give me a routine stack for night/day game" then prompt it so its tweaked. Obviously use common sense with what routines you choose.

But at what one point my "Game" consisted of Opinion opener --> Best friends test --> isolation --> Twin Brothers --> see hopw long I could carry on a conversation.

It wasn't so much that I couldn't speak, or was lacking grey matter responsible for speech. It was the fact I was totally out of my comfort zone and experiencing anxiety, so until I worked on that a bit, I did not care if I was being "authentic" or "getting a fuck close", I just wanted to get comfortable in the presence of women I did not know and get used to talking to them. Without that baseline, not much is possible.

Objective_Shallot879 · 2025-07-22T15:11:17+00:00

After a date or cold-approach I would replay the interaction in my head and write down snippets of the conversation to recognize patters, missed moments of escalation, where the conversation kind of died etc. Only then I really started improving my game, because I started getting better at teasing, flirting and recognizing signals.

Not sure if you're into this, but I’m building a tool, still super early tho, that lets you record your date or cold approach (like a voice memo on your phone) and then gives you feedback on flirting, moments of high Interest, missed moments to escalate or tease. Although I'm in the game for a while now, it’s something I want to use to reflect and continue improving.

If you find this helpful too, hit me up and I’ll share it with you so you can give it a try.

Life-Income2986 · 2025-06-22T15:10:58+00:00

You should practice talking with a wide variety of people outside of a dating context.

Loud_Contract_689 · 2025-06-23T21:30:49+00:00

With the super cold approaches, just be quick and direct, don't hang around and chit-chat. You go into the interaction with clear goals.

1) Apologize for the awkwardness and randomness (so she thinks you're a gentleman).

2) Make it clear you have somewhere to be and can't hang around and talk (also gentlemanly).

3) Compliment her in a way that you wouldn't compliment other girls (make her feel special).

4) Get her Instagram and leave the interaction asap.

ReadyReputation239 · 2025-06-22T21:23:39+00:00

I believe it's important to go out and create the answer yourself

Title	How do beginners improve their conversation skills after learning to approach?
Author	Hot-Internal3730
Upvotes	35
Comments	14
Date	June 22, 2025 8:13 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lhitey/how_do_beginners_improve_their_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-beginners-improve-their-conversation-skills.1555261 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555261

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