How do i move past oneitis?

JStrach · 2012-05-06T00:18:23+00:00

There is no one word answer my friend, no magical sentence that I can string together to alleviate all of your problems. There are no words that I can type that you will read that will suddenly make something click in your head and magically allow you to move on. This is something you will ultimately have to deal with on your own.

That being said, I will do my best to try and find that magic sentence and hopefully this ends up having some impact.

First and foremost, she's no different than any other girl out there. Remember this. "But she's smart, cute, funny, knows movies and reads the same books as I do." So do literally millions of other women. All those special qualities that you find in her are shared by so many other women it is seriously hard to comprehend.

Also, no matter how much of yourself you've invested into believing that she's the holy grail of women, the alpha and the omega, the love of your life, she's not with you now so obviously you are wrong. This may sound depressing as fuck but to me it was a total release to realize. If you're a hopeless romantic and you truly believe that there is a soul mate out there for you, then keep looking cause apparently it's not her.

Finally, fuck that bitch. Chances are you've invested so much of yourself in her you forgot about yourself. Start working out, learn an instrument, start rock climbing, go hang gliding, think about what you want to do and go do it. I'm sure you tried hard to make her happy, and now put that effort into making yourself happy. And for FUCK'S sake, DO NOT do this with the intention of getting her back. "I'll learn guitar and write her the most beautiful love song ever." "If I get all built, she'll be dying to come back to me." No, she won't, and it doesn't matter. Do it for yourself man. Right now you're probably wondering what you're going to do without her, well if you start doing awesome shit you'll realize truly how little you need her and how awesome life can be with or without a woman in it.

My girlfriend of 5 years and I broke up in February. I've started working out, put on 20 pounds (of good weight, not mcdonalds wieght), added over 100 pounds to my deadlift, and have never looked, felt, or been this strong in my life. I recently started taking piano lessons too. I'm 21 and by far (BY FAR) the oldest person taking lessons, but I don't care because piano is awesome and it's something I've always wanted to learn. I've also had a variety of hook ups with women lately and I know someone is probably going to say to you "sleep with 10 women and see how you feel about her then." I don't personally agree with this because the sex I had with my ex was way better because we knew each other so well, and the girls I've hooked up with I feel are partially retarded. But with that being said I got my dick sucked by two girls at once in march, so take that ya bitch.

You can argue that she helped you become who you are, and that she made you realize things about yourself you feel like you could have never figured out on your own, and I agree that's totally possible and maybe even true. But who cares? If she can do that to you imagine what the next girl's going to teach you. Life's a forward progression my friend, and only better things await you.

Cheers.

You_Only_Live_Once · 2012-05-06T04:28:18+00:00

You know how fun those first few weeks were with your ex getting to know each other and everything? I bet you were ecstatic. Now imagine that happening again, with tons of other girls. If you're too busy moping around you may miss something or someone awesome right in front of you. And besides you're awesome, why not share how awesome you are with as many girls are you can?

evoxone · 2012-05-06T00:24:47+00:00

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Guelphs · 2012-05-05T23:54:12+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT6QxRkjCAQ

frumpi · 2012-05-05T23:07:05+00:00

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Trerne · 2012-05-05T22:58:25+00:00

I feel you man. Any insight on this would be great.

Gives_Wrong_Answer · 2012-05-06T08:22:16+00:00

Time man. Had oneitis for this Asian girl for almost 2-3 years. I never found a girl who I felt the same about since, but I'm over her. I can honestly say I could sit in the same room as her and just not give a shit. Sad part is, I've never met another girl who impressed me so well. Fuck, maybe I'm not over her?

Mesonoxian · 2012-05-06T01:13:23+00:00

One thing that helped me was realizing how common 'oneitis' is. Everyone has had someone in their life like that; someone they can't stop thinking about, someone they can't seem to move past. I know I did. And I moved past her. Just remember how common it is, and how attracted you will be to that next someone who enters your life.

psyyduck · 2012-05-06T00:05:42+00:00

It's emotional self-regulation. There are many strategies, & meditation is what works for me, but I've been at it for 3 years & it's only just helping with these huge emotions.

Stnavres · 2012-05-06T10:53:12+00:00

Threesome. That is all.

2012-05-06T17:17:14+00:00

You can grow to hate her. Find things you dislike and make sure you don't like her anymore. 60 years of challenge also puts this in perspective... You are most likely not caught on anything sexuals but something emotional, spending time with each other and shit.

nodistraction · 2012-05-06T04:15:44+00:00

This is cliché, but it worked for me and it will work for you:

Delete from Facebook (i.e., cut off all contact, block everything, delete phone number, etc.)
Hit the gym.
Ask yourself "what was the number one quality I liked about my ex?" Now look at the current pool of girls you have and find one with that same quality. All of a sudden she won't seem so special anymore.

elegantloon · 2012-05-06T00:21:52+00:00

What should i do? Everytime i see a cute girl i can't help but to compare my ex and become uninterested.

How can you compare these girls to your ex without even talking to them? take the first step towards happiness.

atypicaltool · 2012-05-06T00:30:28+00:00

I was in the same vote with my first love. Very similar. And this might sound aweful but was the last resort and worked wonders. We tried to stay friends but we ended up getting in a huge fight, big enough that we didn't say a word to one another for a long time. After that fight I fell out of interest much faster. It was hard and still has ruined our friendship, but I still think it was the best, and I still love her. Just an idea

thbt101 · 2012-05-06T01:22:08+00:00

About comparing other girls to your ex... sometimes you just have to fake it for a while. Make yourself hang out with other girls anyway even if half your brain is still thinking about your ex. After you do that enough you'll eventually find you're thinking less about your ex and more about other girls for real.

2012-05-06T04:00:39+00:00

You have an addiction. Treat is as such.

You avoid situations where the addiction can grow, and you need to preoccupy your mind whenever it wanders to the addiction. Working out is a great way to do this.

I'm betting you think about her sexually, still, and even maybe jacking off to fanaties about her? Sorry if I am rash here, but the sexual connection is the one you need to break first, before you handle the rest. Again, working out is THE replacment to fantasizing about her.

Besides that. Write down each and every thing she ever did to you that hurt you. As detailed as possible. Read that shit whenever you have the urge to think about the good stuff she gave you. Go through the bad moments in your head as often as you can.

Lastly: Tell her you need to ween off her (in a nice way). Tell your friends the same. Actually talk to everyone you can about it. And then cut contact totally. It's the fastest way to freedom.

I've been through something similar, btw. (Except that my ex was desperate to get back together... So I had to convince her, as well as myself that it wasn't a good idea.)

Good luck!

2012-05-06T11:54:04+00:00

Your question might be better answered in something like r/relationshipadvice or something like that. It isn't that the people here aren't giving good advice, but my understanding is that seddit focus more on pick up game and whole dynamic of seducing someone new. I think you are better of dealing with yourself first before trying to use seddit traditional advice.

I will admit almost all of the advice here is still very solid, but not common to seddit conversations IMHO.

GeoffreyDaGiraffe · 2012-05-06T12:55:09+00:00

First stop texting her and trying to see her. You are holding on to any shred of her that you can because you think it will make you feel better. Its natural, you want what made you happy back but you have to realize you're not getting it back. Seeing her and talking to her will make your recovery process that much more difficult. I just went through this a few months ago and did the same thing. I kept telling myself we were just going to be friends and everything would be ok. But every time I saw her I just wanted to be back together with her which wasn't going to happen. So I stopped talking to her completely for about 6 weeks which allowed me to move on. At the end of that 6 weeks I was able to look at her as just a friend and now we are on our way to a healthy platonic friendship. It also helped that in those 6 weeks I started talking to another girl which was very helpful in moving on because my romantic interests were now with this new girl.

Whenever you feel like you just want to be alone, stay in for the night, or not socialize; FUCK THAT. You have to force yourself to be with people and socialize. It will take your mind off her and the feelings of hurt you have for her will dissipate. Going out and being social will also increase you chances of meeting someone else, but don't worry about that as much, just hangout with friends and such. Sitting at home alone is when you're left with just yourself and your mind will always wonder back to thinking of her.

The single most effective thing I did to help me get back on track emotionally was to hit something. Do this responsibly, I found a punching bag and went at it. After my little punching session I almost completely forgot about what was bothering me and I was able to function like normal again. This could go along with a workout session which is beneficial in so many ways.

quartzduck · 2012-05-06T18:45:14+00:00

Watch this music video, listen to the lyrics as well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmfcYli6vV4

maxd · 2012-05-06T02:55:51+00:00

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theubernoob · 2012-05-06T03:56:38+00:00

First things first, get a fucking education.

AegisSC · 2012-05-06T10:33:23+00:00

By growing a sac? Really, I don't understand how this question is so upvoted.

hoyablue · 2012-05-06T04:07:13+00:00

Can we stop the babying on this subreddit? Jesus Christ am I the only one who is tired of all the beginner how do I make friends/how do I get over this girl shit?

frumpi · 2012-05-06T06:43:16+00:00

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brago97 · 2022-02-01T03:13:52+00:00

how have you been since this post ?

Title	How do i move past oneitis?
Author	frumpi
Upvotes	91
Comments	66
Date	May 5, 2012 10:34 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/t8x8u/how_do_i_move_past_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-move-past-oneitis.1332225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332225

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