How do you be more dominant?

Sentry0035 · 2024-09-16T13:59:28+00:00

Read this book - no more mr nice guy. Helped me a lot

blackdolphin12 · 2024-09-16T14:01:39+00:00

I am in a similar place. I am a people pleaser, ignore conflicts, love my comfort zone, overthink, lean on others for many things and I am looking to change that. What opened my eyes is my breakup, I was in a crazy abusive and toxic relationship, I was aware of all the red flags but I stayed because I was scared of change. I am gojng through hell right now because its only been 3 weeks, but I am obsessed now with myself, how to improve, how to change in order to have better life in the future and attract better people.

Ok-Entertainer-1401 · 2024-09-16T14:06:09+00:00

Don't say things like "Would you like to meet up?" and instead say things like "We should meet up/hang out" and choose the time and place and say to meet here.

Stop asking for permission. Don't be afraid to disagree or call out bullshit.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-09-16T20:04:31+00:00

You have to stop spending all of your energy on defence (i.e. tensing up, worrying about others, monitoring yourself, value scanning, being in a competitive state of mind, etc.). To summarize, stop being reactive.

When you do that, you free up energy to express yourself and that energy comes across as volume, dynamism, charisma, fun, excitement, etc. which are needed for leadership.

In other words, it's self-esteem. The person who is the most comfortable and relaxed is the most dominant (high status). Being more dominant is being high self-esteem and leading by that example. It's demonstrating that you have taken care of yourself so that people can buy into your leadership.

If you feel good in your body, you don't need approval, you don't need to supplicate, you don't need anything. To feel good, you need to be able to relax in social situations. You're trying to feel good through proving yourself (tensing up, gritting your teeth and trying harder) instead of relaxing and being accepting of yourself; you are in control. If you don't view things as a competition, you can't 'lose'.

halfwayup37 · 2024-09-16T18:01:25+00:00

Honestly, I felt this way with my last gf. She was terribly insecure, controlling, annoying. So I subconsciously backed away from making her mad, which made me seem less of a man.

I met a different girl and I’m all of a sudden super alpha and she lets me take the lead.

It matters who you are with.

Though now, I have to hold her hand with everything, I made the plans, I follow through. Not a bad thing but.

Top-Donkey-5081 · 2024-09-16T20:14:46+00:00

Yes take up boxing. Do it sooner. It will help you to be naturally more dominant and confident.

mph99999 · 2024-09-16T23:09:48+00:00

I think it's something that comes from inside, unintentional, when intentional it looks creepy and unnatural.

Like some skinny guy with anxiety trying to act dominant towards a big ass guy hyper comfortable in every situation, it's just not going to happen.

Dominance it has to do with size, with testosterone, with low level of cortisol, with energy, with confidence. There is a correlation with everyone of these variables.

If you naturally get healthy, lower your stress levels, get bigger, become outgoing, you cultivate yourself, you will naturally become more dominant.

Worried-One2399 · 2024-09-16T18:32:46+00:00

How have I been more dominant?

I’ll tell u how, I’m WAY more assertive when I speak to people. Not just woman but men as well.

I know EXACTLY what I want & my plan to get it!

I noticed I’ve observed my surroundings & say ALOT less when people are talking about topics I know nothing about. (& even if I do I might learn something from someone who has a different perspective than I)

I reflect on wat I can do better when I interact & speak about a topic I know a little bit about.

I NEVER come across as a KNOW IT ALL. Bcz the reality is that NO ONE knows it ALLLLL. So ALWAYS be open to learning new things!

I go to the gym (have been for 15+ years)

I learn new things from watching, reading & DOING (most important is action so doing)

When there is something wrong, & I’m not happy w/ wat I foresee the outcome will be.

I IMMEDIATELY address it & give my opinion and the way I want to see the outcome. If I have a solution I AM not afraid to state such. Solutions to problems are wat make u happier & it will usually benefit people who u surround yourself with.

I constantly am obsessive w/ self growth. So I’m always seeking ways and opportunities to improve, thus always making myself go into uncomfortable situations.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-09-16T18:04:21+00:00

What do you mean by dominant?. The desired effect is be a semi a hole now don't make it a total habit but just be a little disagreeable. I think that's all you need to do.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-16T21:05:16+00:00

If you cannot dominate not making excuses for the shit in your childhood being the reason, a childhood you already went through, appearing dominant is not going to help you.

Krokfors · 2024-09-16T23:20:56+00:00

You need to do some shadow work. People tend to repress their “unwanted” traits and feelings. They never go away and will affect your behavior in all aspects of your life. Acceptance is key.

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-09-17T02:13:28+00:00

You don’t want to be dominant you want to be more aware you want to hold tension when your with her

Shadow__Account · 2024-09-17T08:10:08+00:00

Experiment with letting go of other people’s opinion of you and focusing on your opinion of you and your needs.

That could be by not explaining things when you suspect people wrongly believe something. Or even making them think something.

Example you could tell a girl you are gay and resist that urge to tell her it’s a joke. Thoughts may come up of her telling other people and the consequences.

Just let them go accept them and slowely find out that you will be fine and nothing happens and that if something happens, worst case for example she tells someone and it has some sort of effect, still actually nothing really happened and you are and will be fine.

When you let go more of other people’s opinions, you can start being more free in going for what you want and need and then you will be entering being masculine and dominant.

Poolside_XO · 2024-09-16T19:16:20+00:00

It's not particualry you, it's the people you're around.

I had the same issues from being raised by an insecure mother. She indirectly taught me how to be a doormat for her feelings. Whenever I was around people that had the sane overbearing personality, "There's mom", I would say to myself.

I had to learn how to speak up for myself, which is a good thing to learn, but you realize those types could care less and will drag you down to the mud just to be right about petty shit that has no value.

Find people that compliment your personality/temperament and your assertiveness will develop.

appolonysian · 2024-09-16T20:36:05+00:00

Here’s a few things:

vocal tonality (depth and speed - talk slower than feels normal if you’re a fast talker, and no up talk or trailing off mid sentence)
don’t let people cut you off mid-sentence or talk over you
less is more when it comes to talking - don’t blab aimlessly. Keep the focus on them unless you have a brief and relevant story.
eye contact is a must, especially when you’re the one talking.
no self soothing gestures (arms crossed, shrunken-in posture, fidgeting)
move around with purpose and keep your gaze steady

When it comes to interacting one on one, a lot of the “dominant” ways of doing so have to be rooted in a fundamental belief you’ll be ok if they aren’t about you. You also cannot for a second worry about the consequences of saying “no” or disagreeing if they’re doing/saying something you honestly aren’t cool with. Submissive interaction comes from a place of low self esteem - you feel you NEED the other persons approval (male or female) in order to feel good about yourself.

Set the terms of engagement that naturally work and are convenient for you to begin with, but you can be flexible within reason provided they’re putting in the same effort your way. Don’t let her lead, but always let her say “no,” at which point you walk away.

vix_calls · 2024-09-17T00:53:49+00:00

I struggled with the same thing in my early 20s, in my mid 20s now and have progressed WAY more on this as I was a doormats

I’m gonna be honest with you, no amount of boxing, reading “no more Mr nice guy” or whatever will accomplish it. I quite literally had my first competitive boxing match yet was still a pushover outside of the ring because I wasn’t DOING.

You need to start doing and being assertive, start small

Roommate taking your stuff? Call him out on it.

Friend disagree with your stance on something? Look him in the eye and tell him you disagree and don’t be political

Cashier/service worker not wanting to do their job or acting moody towards you? Posture up, breathe deep and call him/her out respectively.

Someone at the bar/club shove you? Shove them back and be ready to escalate.

“Friend” poking fun at you in front of other people to make himself look better? Be prepared to verbally spar back or tell him to stfu, or call him a slur.

Did a girl come over just to cuddle and not wanna smash? Respectfully tell her you’d rather have your bed to yourself for the night and have her call an Uber back.

Is someone at the gym pesting you about how many sets you have left? Tell them straight up and turn back around and continue working out, don’t give it to them or share it.

Is your mate asking you to buy a drink and saying he’ll Venmo you? Tell him no.

Are your friends suggesting to split the bill evenly at dinner even though people ordered way more? Tell them you’re only paying your side of it, if the waiter says she can’t split the check remind her respectfully that it is their job and they’ve done it before.

Shoulders back, chest up, talk slow n relaxed. I’ll get downvoted and be called an asshole or neurodivergent, but my life is exponentially better since I started being more combative. You can either read a book front to back or act now, if everyone never had anything important to say due to a fear of backlash the world would never progress.

Only read the title of the post btw

Ancient-Position-696 · 2024-09-16T23:21:02+00:00

Grow body hair.

vladiVP · 2024-09-16T19:16:44+00:00

Iss not something u could learn u either are or u r not

Title	How do you be more dominant?
Author	GurKindly7624
Upvotes	33
Comments	35
Date	September 16, 2024 1:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fi552k/how_do_you_be_more_dominant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-be-more-dominant.1530486 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530486

Comments