How does one "fix themselves" before they go looking for girls?

legoadan · 2013-01-15T04:51:48+00:00

sounds like you care too much what other people think. you do really actually want women. but maybe you don't feel entitled to some of them. just remember you are a top guy who deserves whichever girl you choose. and most of all stop giving a fuck what others think, especially the girls themselves.

Reddit_Script · 2013-01-15T10:17:37+00:00

It is impossible to accomplish what you have asked in your title.

Social skills and dating skills are both things you only develop through experience and practice (consciously or not).

I have confidence, I lift weights, I can talk to and get women interested in me but as soon as it gets to admitting I am interested by asking her out I freeze up and can't bring myself to do it.

NO. You have confidence in lifting and casually talking to women (as you do men). You have zero confidence or experience when it comes to flirting with women because you never practice it. You would not rather stay single, and this is why you are posting in seddit. Stop lying to yourself, and you will find it easier to logically answer your own problems.

Practice means to perform or physically do something. I guarantee that if you want to be able to ever flirt well with women you are going to have to go through the pain first. Even if your first attempt at picking a girl up is as awful and unsuccessful as "hey would you like to have sex" you will have learnt something from that encounter.

Here is a activity.

Go pick one women who is already in your life, even if she is just a unknown Facebook friend. You are going to go and ask that women (even if you don't know her well) to go on a date with you. This can be movie night at yours / walk / whatever (DO NOT DO COFFE/MEAL SITDOWN)
You are going to escalate in some way to a kiss. There is more good info out there than I can give on this. Worst case scenario, you are going to ask her for a kiss.

After this, reflect on the situation. Now go out and meet some random woman you do not know somewhere, AND DO THE SAME THING.

The point is you will find that sexual escalation is something anyone can do, regardless of situation, the only way you will EVER be fixed is when you have done this many times. Like many other things in life, it is a skill that you will only acquire when you no longer actually need it, because you've been "doing" it all along regardless.

HelloHiHello · 2013-01-15T18:57:53+00:00

You can start with not being ashamed to even post this. Your title: How does one "fix themselves" before they go looking for girls?

Say "How do I". Through your language, your transferring responsibility from yourself to this theoretical "one".

You need to become familiar and friendly and loving with "I". WHO YOU ARE. Every issue you have is caused by the lack of self-love (as is virtually every issue found within this community).

I'd rather stay single than admit something like that.

Then you're doomed.

Listen – asking a woman out is EASY. SO FUCKING EASY. You already know this, because you've explicitly stated that it's not the act that terrifies you... it's the shame that comes with doing it.

Shame that exists nowhere BUT WITHIN YOUR OWN MIND.

You're not afraid of asking a woman out... you're afraid of yourself. Because after you ask her out, no matter what the result is, you'll beat yourself up. You'll shame yourself.

Realize that shame is one of the most worthless yet most devastating emotions you can have. But don't despise the fact that you shame yourself... realize it's normal, part of learning, and something you can now disregard.

Learn to look at shame in the face. When you're feeling ashamed, say, in your head, "I am feeling shame". It will help negate the emotion.

The key, as mentioned before, is self-love. Because if you loved yourself, you wouldn't shame yourself for making a mistake. If you didn't shame yourself, you wouldn't be afraid to make a mistake.

If you weren't afraid to make a mistake, you could ask a girl out.

This is very important to grasp, because asking a girl out is step one. There are a lot more steps, and believe it or not, they're actually really fun to discover and learn how to overcome.

But not if you're still shaming yourself.

Love yourself, get rid of shame, have fun with the process.

buddhas_porn_stash · 2013-01-15T05:10:06+00:00

I think about it like this:

a) The reason I'm this anxious is in my head b) If my head is where the problem lies, sitting and thinking about it is not going to make it better. How can I solve the problem with the problem? c) I'm going to have to start taking action in spite of what my head tells me if things are going to change. d) Go through with it even though I REALLY don't want to.

This works for me. Won't work for everyone. It's just like the easiest way to get over AA is to approach a ton.

User_0 · 2013-01-15T15:20:11+00:00

I've never been able to bring a girl "home"

A while ago, I was like this too. I was so embarrassed that I liked girls. I didn't tell my parents that I had a GF or was talking to girls. I don't really know why I felt that was exactly. Maybe it was because we just don't talk about stuff in my family; maybe it was because my family/religion etc made me feel like it's wrong to want sex.

Eventually I just gave up on it. I still didn't tell my family much but I started to believe that it didn't really matter.

Here's the deal. Humans are SUPPOSED to want sex. Sex and intimacy are your evolutionary motivation to make babies. Your body is designed to enjoy it. It's not something "wrong" or anything to be ashamed of.

thematfactor · 2013-01-15T08:19:31+00:00

There is no way for me to date a girl without feeling ashamed about it. None. I've never been able to bring a girl "home" nor have I ever dated anywhere near my circle of friends.

How old are you?

Noire1337 · 2013-01-15T08:34:57+00:00

I thought I would be the only one with this problem! Wow this really opened my eyes!

doyouevengrow · 2013-01-15T10:24:50+00:00

I've felt the same way for a while and still do, ashamed is a good word for what I felt. Personally, I found that I just care too much about what people think.

I can't ever game my friends around haha, I just shut off. I can only approach girls solo.

Think about why you're ashamed or uncomfortable, really dig and be honest with yourself. Then try to improve.

__Cyber_Dildonics__ · 2013-01-15T10:35:30+00:00

People will try to give you simplistic advice but really the question is how do you break through, and I believe the answer is in dedication and taking things in steps that are as small as possible.

When you take a step forward, feel good about your self for doing it.

When I say small I mean tiny as in something as simple as saying, ' move over here for a bit out of people's way'. Then you can try ' come with me for a drink (at a bar) or a snack (at a mall). Then you can work up to saying 'we should meet up and do X together'

2013-01-15T14:44:59+00:00

"Fixing" yourself is a symptom of goin out, not the other way around. youll see how others see you and pick up on new things, and itll change the way you see yourself. then youll probably want to change yourself.

centurijon · 2013-01-15T15:21:32+00:00

There is no way for me to date a girl without feeling ashamed about it.

Why? You aren't taking advantage of them. They want to be on the date as much as you do, maybe more so.

I also get ashamed when I blatantly show attraction for someone. It makes me very uncomfortable.

Even when they're attracted to you? There's little in the world as exciting as mutual attraction.

Stop worrying about what they think.

sillymallard · 2013-01-15T17:40:56+00:00

This reminds me of myself. The reason I felt ashamed about it or froze up is because I didn't know what to do or how it was supposed to play out. Also, my parents are pretty conservative and had expectations over the type of person I was going to end up with, and I had to have a long , but respectful conversation with them that I couldn't live up to both their standards and mine at the same time.

NewPowerfulMe · 2013-01-16T08:00:27+00:00

Basically it's important to work on your subconscious beliefs while also taking the action. It seems that there is some pattern/belief/program in your mind holding you back.

I've been using this program help reprogram my subconscious and it's helped me massively.

www.dominantalpha.com/alpha

ALF1E · 2013-01-15T16:57:04+00:00

I'm the same way. The answer is simple. NOFAP. Don't judge until you try it for at least one week. I can guarantee you'll thank me.

Good luck.

Fcyrycr · 2013-01-15T16:12:50+00:00

Maybe you have deeper psychological roots to this problem. You should consider seeing a shrink. Maybe you will uncover something you did not think about and it's better to fix it sooner rather than later. It could be something as simple as you covering anxiety for change.

spindraH · 2013-01-17T04:59:23+00:00

Thats cuz you gay and you care too much about what people think. Dude ya only live once and if your embarrassed around people, think about this... Probably nobody in that room knows your name and im pretty sure they dont give two shits about it either. What are they gunna do?

"oh hey thats that totally embarressed guy we saw!" whoop-dee fuckin doo

Title	How does one "fix themselves" before they go looking for girls?
Author	Fcyrycr
Upvotes	45
Comments	38
Date	January 15, 2013 3:48 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/16li83/how_does_one_fix_themselves_before_they_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-does-one-fix-themselves-before-they-go-looking.1345902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345902

Comments

There is no way for me to date a girl without feeling ashamed about it. None. I've never been able to bring a girl "home" nor have I ever dated anywhere near my circle of friends.