I'm always trying to find simpler and simpler ways to teach my clients how to improve their social skills and dating life.

In a call with a client today, I tried to explain to a client that he perpetually looks sad and uncomfortable. I told him that this creates a reciprocal effect where others feel sad and uncomfortable around him. It's tough to explain this without hurting a guy's feelings, but I think it got through to him.

What I asked him was this.

"Are you enjoyable to be around?"

He thought about it and responded honestly.

"No, I don't think so."

Then I asked him, "Can you imagine yourself as a guy who is enjoyable to be around?"

He told me yes. I asked him to tell me in detail what that guy looks like, behaviorally.

For every man your "cool future self" is different. So let's try something and make this an interactive thread.

Tell me 5 things that are enjoyable about you.

BUT, you also have to tell me one recent time that this behavior/trait of yours was visibly enjoyable to others. It can be social (people laughing at your jokes, someone wanting to see you again, a new friend telling you that you're cool/charismatic, etc) or sexual (a girl telling you you're cool, charismatic, confident, etc).

If you can't give me a recent, specific instance, then you're not going out enough and improving yourself enough. It's an issue of work ethic. Nothing more. And that's okay, but I'm very concretely-oriented. I don't value hollow sentiments or quick dopamine injections from motivational videos or motivational quotes unless that energy is turned into action. This may seem harsh, but it's proven highly effective.

Also, after these 5 examples, tell me 5 times you were interested in someone recently. What specifically did you find enjoyable about that guy, socially, or a girl, socially or sexually?

This is important because likely you can emulate that quality in them and make it part of your own personality (if you wish and if it's possible).

Hector Castillo