How to answer the "what are we question"?

Captain_w00t · 2024-09-10T12:30:46+00:00

“Just having fun” is just one way to put it. There are other honest answers that don’t look like you’re “using” them like a sex doll.

As others pointed out, simply saying that you’re enjoying sex and attraction with them but that you aren’t looking for a serious romantic relationship is still honest, but more respectful.

hunterpua · 2024-09-10T13:19:51+00:00

I bring up being casual very early on.

The latest that I would bring it up is after we've had sex for a second time.

The earliest is during the first conversation.

Sometimes they even find out before actually meeting me.

How does that last one work?

When I'm single I'm extremely open about the fact that I'm casually sleeping with multiple women. I make it clear to my friends that they don't need to hide that fact for me.

So when I'm in a social gathering and someone introduces me to a girl, there's a good chance that she has heard about my casual polyamory from others, maybe even from the person who introduces her to me.

Then we just get to know each other like normal. If that leads into intimacy then she knows exactly what she was getting into from the very beginning.

The same is the case for when I myself bring it up. I bring it up simply by sharing what my dating life is like.

I don't tell someone I want to do that with her in particular, I just tell her that's what my dating life currently looks like and then proceed as usual again.

In the times that I do it after sex, I only do so after the second time because if we just had sex once, that might just be a one night stand, so talking about being casual won't be necessary.

Whereas if it looks like we're gonna be having sex again and again over a period of time then it would be helpful to make things clear as its just getting started.

If you're waiting until she feels compelled to ask "what are we?" then you've already led her on.

Better to be upfront about it the way I described above.

There will still definitely be women who aren't gonna go for it but you'll be surprised by how many women would totally be down for it when you do it like this.

Ancient-Position-696 · 2024-09-10T16:57:13+00:00

We're celestial beings having a human experience

mjhudson12241224 · 2024-09-10T17:17:10+00:00

I usually respond by flipping the question back on them because that’s what it’s really about.

“What do you wanna be?”
“What do you think we are?”
“Well I’m single and not exclusive. You tell me what you are?”

Bottom line: women are always going to eventually want a relationship or commitment at some point if they’re consistently having sex with a man over a period of time. Less than 10% of women are actually cool with just being long term fuck buddies.

I just had a girl block me for the same reason after we’d been sex buddies off and on for over a year and a half. It’s just how the game goes.

TheGentleman557 · 2024-09-11T00:29:40+00:00

Honesty is the best scenario but personally haven't had the issue yet. They usually figure it out after the 2nd time and they mention they just like having fun. Pretty nice tbh. Only had one little goth girl just try to force it on me starting to refer to "us" and this "situationship" etc. I would nicely refute these assumptions but it got to a point where she told her family about me and asked me to come away on a holiday with them. I had to say something and anything short of compliance is bad so that turned out negative. Irony is she told me not to get attached at the start 😂 win some lose some

MathematicianThin758 · 2024-09-10T15:29:20+00:00

While I genuinely enjoy the time we spend together and the connection we share, I believe in being upfront about my intentions. I’m currently focused on enjoying our moments together without seeking a deeper commitment. I respect your feelings and understand if this isn’t what you're looking for. Your honesty and understanding are greatly appreciated.

rich_god · 2024-09-10T11:13:34+00:00

I think honesty is always a good call, but « having fun » is not a good way to call it. Something like « I’m really enjoying our physical and erotic connection, but I don’t feel like we’re heading toward a romantically relationship ».

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-10T11:47:16+00:00

Dont. This is exactly the position you want to be in. As soon as you "resolve" what you are they will put you into that neat little box.

No_Hat9118 · 2024-09-10T09:33:27+00:00

Use the word headspace, then they’ll write a Reddit post about u

GoodHombre882 · 2024-09-10T20:51:40+00:00

“From dust we come, and dust we shall become”

luke72ns · 2024-09-10T09:25:56+00:00

Lie. Tell them what they want to hear.

Eezay · 2024-09-10T17:14:15+00:00

Honestly I don't see the problem at all in being honest. Obviously you don't have to tell her by yourself on the first date. But really there are two scenarios:

1) You meet. You have the frame of someone who fucks. You have sex a few times after zero, one or two dates. She asks the question. You answer truthfully. She can decide for herself if she is fine with the situation or not.

2) You meet. You have two or more dates, but no sex. She asks what your intentions are. You answer truthfully. She decides if she's fine with it or not. Usually she's not, because if you had escalated well, you would have already had sex then obviously.

I would honestly work on landing in category 1 more often. Then you can be honest without 'hurting your chances'. As in, getting physical when the iron is still searing hot and before those questions usually come up. That means, be more sexual, more upfront and escalate faster. Also even if you do want a LTR, this is in most cases the way to go. It's literally usually easier to get a LTR by landing in category 1 instead of category 2.

As in choice of words, I usually say that it takes time for me to consider being in a relationship with someone (which is true) and that I enjoy being single right now (which is also true).

Also what I can strongly recommend and usually do at the start of the interaction is to already throw in some hints that I'm not someone that is easily bound, playfully. 'You probably talk to a lot of girls' - 'Yeah, I do.' or 'How long have you been single?' - 'Not long enough haha' - something the like. Paradoxically, being honest with your intentions early on is obviously morally the right thing to do, but also very attractive to lots of women. So you're mainly soothing your own conscience ('I did tell her!') but will effectively make her want you even more in many cases.

If you're three dates in without having sex though, she might imagine you as a LTR but usually not as a casual fling. This doesn't have to be a bad thing per se and the reason also depends a lot on the girl, but you will have better (and more fun) results if you get it out of the way early, let attraction flow and then agree to a LTR if she proposes it and you want to.

opex100 · 2024-09-10T19:32:35+00:00

You’re either human, or you’re dancer.

easy-money-sniperr · 2024-09-10T21:51:28+00:00

We are farmers

Strange_Internet_202 · 2024-09-11T01:56:32+00:00

Say, “Well your mine and I’m single”

Title	How to answer the "what are we question"?
Author	Eyitsyaboii
Upvotes	37
Comments	23
Date	September 10, 2024 9:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fddmz2/how_to_answer_the_what_are_we_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-answer-the-what-are-we-question.1530043 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530043

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