How to be friendly without being a nice guy?

warm_theory · 2019-07-05T13:23:04+00:00

From what I'm reading you already got it buddy. Maybe you're just too invested in other people so spend more time doing things for yourself. Invest in your own interests and hobbies, experience new things. Being a "nice guy" is just a term for being needy and manipulative, confident men are positive and empathic naturally. No real issue in being a good guy.

caesarfecit · 2019-07-05T22:44:02+00:00

Your issue likely lies in setting boundaries.

This is one of the hallmark "nice guy" traits, and one of the hardest to break.

The reason why it's so hard to break is because setting boundaries is a risk. She could just blow you off, and then your only option is to walk away, or be her bitch. And often if you don't do it promptly and in the moment, you might as well not bother because that's the impression she'll have of you from now on - a guy she can manipulate and tool and therefore much less attractive.

You're probably also the kinda guy who fails shit tests too. Don't worry, I still fail them sometimes. Guys fail shit tests because they get caught up in responding properly and get into paralysis by analysis. What they don't realize is that it doesn't matter what you say. There's only two proper responses to a shit test, either agree and amplify and turn it into a joke, or draw a line in the sand immediately and/or walk away. The reason why this is because it's your mindset/decisions that are relevant, not your words. Occasionally ignoring or just laughing works as well if she's just being a little trolly.

Another thing guys don't understand is that shit tests are often also a covert expression of neediness. That's another reason why guys get shook, because the neediness vibes transfer over to them and they lose their flow.

Which really brings us to the nub of the problem. You can have all the right behaviors and conscious-level attitude, but if you're still needy, it'll leak out, and often at the worst possible times.

The antithesis of being needy is being cool, and the root of cool is being psychologically self-sufficient with a strong identity. That's why trying to be cool fails - it doesn't matter what you wear, say, or do if the mindset isn't there. You lead yourself, and therefore have at least some ability to lead others. You stand out and get attention precisely because you don't care about attention. You set boundaries with girls easily because you're not that hung up on any one of them. Shit tests are just noise to you. Cultivate that, and live it, and you should find that your nice guy issues fade into the background.

BenzDriverS · 2019-07-05T15:16:00+00:00

You're probably coming off as weak meaning your body language and style of speaking is transmitting weakness.

stevenmarkryan · 2019-07-05T21:27:06+00:00

It's actually simple.

Do and say what you want to.

Not what you think other people want.

Simple as that.

TheXXL · 2019-07-05T13:23:48+00:00

You are too vague, basically impossible to give you any meaningful advice. What do you mean by "finishing last"? How many women do you you approach per week? With how many women do you actually escalate? At which point do you get rejected? What is your definition of teasing in a sexual way? and so on. You also contradict yourself which is confusing: "How do I stop being a people pleaser without being a dick?" and then "I'm honest, not a coward. I stand up for myself. Do not tolerate behavior I don't like." this doesn't add up, either you are a peoples pleaser or you stand up for yourself. Which one is it?

SafetyChild105 · 2019-07-05T15:43:46+00:00

Bro you got it figured out I bet you show to must I treat in others by just a small amount.

Being bice isn’t bad girls love it, but being a pushover is bad and you also think seem to be on the surface, but maybe you will bend over backwards a little to much for someone with out realizing it.

Be nice but be kinda selfish also. Keep it 50/50

HoosierProud · 2019-07-05T17:33:35+00:00

There's a pretty good book that deals with putting your needs first and no longer being a "Nice Guy". You can listen to it for free here https://yourlisten.com/aceofplace/no-more-mr-nice-guy#play

Violetta311 · 2019-07-05T18:08:32+00:00

Why are you assuming the reason you “finish last” is that you are acting like a “nice guy?” Maybe it’s something else.

legend503 · 2019-07-05T21:59:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ethical_pa · 2019-07-05T23:05:30+00:00

You might actually be very well balanced.

a) you might be going for the wrong kind of women.

b) you might be going for very attractive women. Their main problem is that most guys are too easy for them. Most guys will fall to their knees and propose if she even just smile at them. So you need to present a bit of a challenge for her. It varies wildly from woman to woman of course, but you could be the one that is dangerous/challenging/mysterious/really gets to know her in ways most people don't, etc.

The thing is, most guys (people in general) view attractive women as the ideal, so being an "ideal" man should attract them. They are not. They are subject to the same biases, irrationality, imperfections and insecurities as the rest of us. You should "game" really hot women the same way you befriend Bob. Call him out on his shit. Tease him. Be respectful but don't worship him. Get to know him. Bob knows that if he offers nothing of value, you're out of there. You both have to bring something to the table for the friendship to work. You have boundaries with Bob and won't bend over backwards at his every request. Once you're friends with Bob though, you'll go to the end of the world for that son of a bitch, if he is really in need. Not the other way around.

Kjohn1990 · 2019-07-06T00:58:12+00:00

Small tip that will make a big difference: start using the phrase “I want” it’s assertive direct and confident and women respond to it. They’re submissive by nature and want someone who knows what they want and takes control. Ask for things you want. Subtleties like asking a girl “do you want to go out with me?” Puts it on her and she gets to decide. Instead say “I want to take you out this week, when are you free?” Subconsciously she will resonate with this more and is more likely to make a definite date. “Do you want to come over to my place” vs “I want you to come over”. “How do you feel about blowjobs” vs “I want a blowjob”. Small subtlety that can make all the difference.

Title	How to be friendly without being a nice guy?
Author	legend503
Upvotes	16
Comments	35
Date	July 5, 2019 1:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c9frwx/how_to_be_friendly_without_being_a_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-be-friendly-without-being-a-nice-guy.1473012 https://theredarchive.com/post/1473012

Comments