How to make a connection on a first date.

Radicalmattitude1 · 2022-07-24T18:48:32+00:00

Generally speaking, the common “you’re nice but I’m just not feeling it” rejection comes from not being a leader and asserting yourself. This doesn’t mean being a dick, but it means she has to get a sense of who your are and what you stand for. You should be inviting her into your life, telling her where to show up and at what time, leading her from one venue to the next, stating your opinions plainly and openly even if she doesn’t always agree, Inviting her back to your place, and then going for what you want sexually when the time comes. She will test you in various ways to see if she can sway you away from your convictions but the trick is to remain steadfast even if she pulls away her approval or validation. Does this mean you will loose her sometimes? Yes. You have to be willing to walk away if need be. If you aren’t, she will sense that you don’t have boundaries and she could walk all over you if she wanted. She doesn’t want to be with a guy that she could walk all over because that means other people could walk all over you too. You don’t have to be nice to get girls, you have to be an entity with structural integrity that doesn’t waver in the face of disapproval or challenge. She craves this far more than having another man being nice to her. Don’t deprive her of what she really wants and be that man for her.

appmanga · 2022-07-24T18:16:25+00:00

What do women consider "connection"? It's the feeling "He gets me". You might hear it sometimes described like "It was like we could finish each other's sentences". Kino is very powerful which is why you hear so much about it, but what are you doing to establish affinity?

Think about what you talked about on this date. What kind of questions did you ask? What did you learn about her? Is she an only child, or does she have siblings? If she's an only child, you could tell her you've heard how only children tend to be independent and resilient, and you notice that in her. If she's the oldest sibling, you can say how you've heard the first child tends to be protective of the younger ones. Or you could say you've always been fascinated by wherever she fell into her family because you don't have that experience. What was it like, and how did that shape her? The thing you want to do is reinforce you see her AS SHE SEES HERSELF. This is why you must have curiosity.

If there are things you have in common, you can ask her about her experiences and talk about how they're similar to yours. If not, you can comment on how you've thought about how it would be if you were in the same situation. When she tells you how she felt or handled things, you say how you thought about it the same way, or would have done the same thing, but you weren't sure that would have been the way to go. She explains why she did what did, and you're not just showing her you guys have similar thoughts and feelings, you're getting her thought process and validating her view.

As with anything else, you don't want to overdo it to the point it seems like pandering, but, despite the "opposites attract" stuff you hear, people like people who are like them. And it doesn't always have to be about you. If she confirms she was protective her younger siblings, you can ask does she think she's like that today with her friends? You bet she's the one they come to when they have a crisis. Is it ever hard to be the one people look to? What happens when you're having a tough time? Who can she go to? You're opening more and more windows and getting more and information that you can use to shape yourself into someone who "gets her".

Also, when you're talking about similarities, take the opportunity to mirror her. If she's smiling with her hands folded, mimic the same posture and behavior. If she changes by putting her hands in her lap, go ahead and do the same thing. Don't do the old Lucille Ball, Harpo Marx pantomime, but you only need to give yourself a few seconds before you adopt the same expression and posture she has. With this, not only are you seeing her for who she thinks she is, she's seeing you as being her. Mirroring is one the most powerful non-verbal affinity tactics that exists.

First dates are opportunities to gain intelligence and establish connection. Kino, affinity, and mirroring are powerful tactics you can use to achieve that, and they're done in service to the one single pillar you have to establish to be successful: trust. A woman will never willingly have sex with someone she doesn't trust, so establishing trust is the overarching goal. And never ever conflate, or confuse, trust with honesty.

readMyFlow · 2022-07-24T16:05:29+00:00

What I’ve learned is to connect with someone you have to be vulnerable or go through adversity together. If you’re always perfect and nice, there’s not going to be much connection. For vulnerability, show imperfection like sing a song and have your voice crack or talk about bad childhood memory. For adversity, start simple, walk together from one location to another location, split the bill, or play sports together.

“No connection” is a code for her to say you didn’t present her with enough information about the kind of person you are. It should be a taste of the good(cool looking well spoken, well groomed man) and bad(getting late apologizing, be super sweaty, not liking the food because you have allergy idk). When everything is just “good” it can feel manufactured and not as genuine. So try “not giving a fuck” like another person said.

starameski · 2022-07-24T15:10:36+00:00

I guess you stop trying to make a connection, and just not give a fuck. For some stupid reason, that’s what women like

2022-07-24T15:16:37+00:00

The key to date is making sure theres some mutual attraction & a mutual desire to wanting to spend time with each other .. if both of you are stiff, quiet, awkward and bored that means you two aren’t on the same page.

cobraCL · 2022-07-24T19:34:40+00:00

Connection implies sexual tension.

Be mindful of your body language, and study hers and adjust accordingly. Small changes like prolonging eye concact or strategic teasing touches can drive a woman nuts. Flirt a little more inbetween your 'get to know' conversation, and engage playfulness. Tease her, in a good natured way that invites her to play back.

We are first and foremost sexual beings. Own that energy, by believing in your desirability and sexual power.

NotABrokieBoy · 2022-07-24T15:25:18+00:00

That means that you didn’t escalate things (going for the kiss, flirting etc.) or they just don’t feel the same interest like you do.

Maybe you’re too nice or unattractive to them and they just don’t want to spend more time with you because you don’t make their pussy wet. That’s good because you can filter through unreceptive girls faster and focus on the receptive ones.

no_not_this · 2022-07-25T09:16:05+00:00

Bullshit excuse for whatever the real reason is. Who actually has a “connection” after 2 hours of meeting someone. She didn’t like you. For whatever reason. Happened to me as well. One girl smoked a bunch of weed on our beach date and got fucked up. Then said there was no connection a few days later. I didn’t even respond.

Horror_Replacement39 · 2022-07-24T19:45:10+00:00

It means you’ve probably not got a masculine sexy vibe, probably more of a friendly vibe or you come across as low status or weak.

To change this you must become strong, driven, focussed, intense, charismatic, rich, well travelled, interesting, high status and sexy af.

Neo-Rio · 2022-07-25T03:58:21+00:00

The only thing you're getting her to feel on the date is peaceful comfort because you are not taking control and leading her down a path to how she wants to be seduced.She's sitting at the date, listening to your sales pitch. If you have no sales pitch and you're shrugging your shoulders waiting for something to happen, you will get the response you got.

What you need to do is hone the conversation. There are four possible ways into a woman's pants:

Emotions (trust, comfort, feeling connected, anticipation, spark, curiosity)
Body sensations (warmth, touch, sensations, excitement, butterfies)
Imagination (pictures, scenery, style, dreams)
Let her tell you (ask questions to get the very talkative girl to spill her guts)

You mission, should you choose to accept it, is to spend the date trying to find which one of these four that she is going to respond to powerfully in a sexual way. Come up with conversational topics that lead into these areas and listen to her key words.

You don't go on dates and twiddle your thumbs.

You start off asking her what procedures and patterns in her mind let her know that the guys she is on a date with is a great guy that turns her on.

There is a theory in seduction that if you actually listen to women, they will give you the access codes. But you have to LISTEN. With the information then you can create a fun world you can both explore.

P7o7s7t7a7l · 2022-07-24T15:33:37+00:00

The first date is probably going too long.

What do you typically do as a first date?

Dating experts advise keeping the first date short and sweet, like 10 to 30 minutes so you can get a feel for what it is that each other is actually looking for. I could lay down my objectives and all my pursuits in life within fifteen minutes. I don't really want to spout off about ex relationships and other pig-headed bull crap. It takes a succession of dates to really get to know a person, but if there's any fickleness it's like I'd just rather be doing something different with my time.

Then its a numbers game. You just need to go through enough opening dates until you meet someone who's into you enough to merrit a second date.

Extra-Boysenberry · 2022-07-24T16:12:07+00:00

You gotta break the touch barrier somehow. I knew it was a successful first date if we made out by the end of it.

ftdrain · 2022-07-24T16:46:57+00:00

Lovely guy means you dont have a dick, you gotta show them you have a dick. Subscribe for more wisdom.

7GoodVibes · 2022-07-25T02:37:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RemarkableStudio8823 · 2022-07-25T08:29:46+00:00

This is code for “you didn’t escalate and I see you as a friend”. That’s it, I know it’s annoying as hell that women don’t really say exactly what they mean. But she wanted to be seduced and led and in a way swayed. You got too comfortable with her imo

TheFreakish · 2022-07-25T09:25:08+00:00

I'm guessing you're not affectionate enough, and they're feeling insecure wondering whether or not you like them.

When you get that message about not feeling a connection, have you tried telling them how you feel about them?

DrunkenDragon325 · 2022-07-25T12:11:33+00:00

Ask for their Wi-Fi password.

Jokes aside, maybe be a tad more assertive with your intentions.

You like this person physically and romantically not just a friend.

FranciscotheBull · 2022-07-25T19:14:17+00:00

This is why dating, especially first dates, are so difficult. If you flirt in some degree, it can be perceived as that all you want is sex. Of you don't do some flirty words or actions, their won't be any form of tension of attraction and won't be viewed as a partner and just as a friend or brother. Chemistry, flow of the date, environment, and other factors are so unpredictable that makes the results all the same to your experience. You are not the only guy who is experiencing this. Do not let this discourage you. Dating is too difficult and just have to find the right person.

In the meantime, work on yourself (career, discipline, self improvement). Still approach women and get dates and you will find one.

It seems like you are still able to get dates so that is a plus. Just need to work on and improve more on continuing it. Now their are some things you can't control like person you are dating and her personality/mindset, but don't let that discourage you. Maybe you aren't doing anything wrong. I don't know any details so I don't know.

Title	How to make a connection on a first date.
Author	second_shadow
Upvotes	46
Comments	28
Date	July 24, 2022 2:55 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w6xgni/how_to_make_a_connection_on_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-make-a-connection-on-a-first-date.1253687 https://theredarchive.com/post/1253687

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