How to stop negative self-talk in dating?

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-05-12T11:34:18+00:00

I think you have fallen in the vicious circle. You have no positive experiences wich boost confidence so you're afraid of asking. But if we dig it deeper, What are you afraid of? Rejection? Or is it the friendship you also might lose when you get rejected?

Also i'm curious, If you say to yourself: "Oh they do not like me like that", There must be a "why" right?
Why do you think women don't want to go out with you?

Western-Month-3877 · 2026-05-12T12:44:23+00:00

Because that’s how you look at yourself. Negatively.

Fix your confidence first by treating yourself better; upgrade your wardrobe, get a better haircut, lose weight if you’re obese, gain some if you’re too skinny, feed yourself with nutritious food, even give yourself some good treatments like spa, massages, or skin treatment.

When you start treating yourself well, others will treat you well too.

When you start liking the way you treat yourself, others will like you easily.

Efficient-Complex194 · 2026-05-12T11:32:40+00:00

Replace it with positive self talk. Literally say the opposite until you believe it

ControlGood8979 · 2026-05-12T12:07:22+00:00

Reframe as they would love to date me. Believe you me your attitude and body language will change and those beliefs become a self fulfilling prophecy. The reality is that if you have built a circle of friends who are girls then some want to date you.

TheMindthief · 2026-05-12T13:33:54+00:00

I have good news for you. You’re already doing the hardest part for most men. Keep that skill and never stop practicing it.

It’s time unpack what’s bothering you. What makes you feel unworthy? What makes you feel bad about yourself?

If it’s something about your present life situation, like your job or your fitness, do something about it. Really, I recommend always covering there areas anyway - even if you feel fine about them.

If it’s something deeper than that, look into your past. Feel that unworthy feeling and ask yourself - when was the first time I felt that way? Go as far back as you can. Your first answer is almost always the right one. You’ll know you’re thinking in the right direction when you get uncomfortable. Resolve each of those issues. Maybe you had an absent parent or a parent who told you that you weren’t good enough or some impactful moment left an impression on you. Research how to move on from those issues. Do this as many times as you need to if you feel bad about different things. This will make a huge difference.

Hope that helps.

AlvaroUrdaneta · 2026-05-13T11:07:26+00:00

You have a story in your head that shuts things down before they can begin.

You can approach. You can talk. You can get numbers. That already tells me your social skills are not the main issue. The block shows up at the moment where you would need to believe, even slightly, that she could be interested back.

So your mind protects you with thoughts like:

“She would never date me.”
“She is just being nice.”
“There is no point asking.”

Those thoughts feel like facts, but they are really fear trying to avoid rejection.

The cost is high. You are making the rejection happen in your own head before she ever gets the chance to respond in real life.

This is why getting more female friends has not solved it. Friendship still lets you stay safe. Asking a woman out creates uncertainty, and that is the exact point your self-talk is trying to help you escape.

Meditation can help here, not because it magically makes you confident, but because it teaches you to notice a thought without obeying it.

You start catching, “She would never want me,” as a mental habit instead of treating it like truth.

That matters, because confidence in dating is not having zero negative thoughts. It is acting clearly even when those thoughts show up.

The real shift is learning to stop asking, “Am I sure she likes me?” and start asking, “Am I interested enough to give this a chance?”

Right now, your fear is deciding for both of you.

Feel free to message me if you have questions, dms open

Warm-Fun5226 · 2026-05-13T18:16:41+00:00

It’s all about execution. I’ve been in the same boat as you for a long time. It’s difficult to break a cycle once it becomes a habit which it sounds like it has for you, but the important part is to make incremental steps to what you are trying to achieve. That means when you cold approach then you should try to flirt and plan a date right on the spot. That may sounds easier crazy but that’s as simple as getting to know them and then asking if they would like to get coffee so when you get the number you already have something to look forward too. My best advice is trying the shawty app to build your skills for closing as well as see how to improve through insights. The main thing is action and reps, so you really are not in a bad position at all. You got thos

OpinionThink481 · 2026-05-14T23:03:28+00:00

Yo mate, look, it’s not your job to reject yourself before women do, thats their job. Your job is to ask them out not because you think they like you, but because you simply want to date them.

So you do not ask a woman out because you predict she likes you, you ask her out because you want to.

The actual stakes are not really “will she like me or will she not”…

The real stakes are “what type of man do i want to be, the one who gives himself permission to go for what he wants, or the one who watches his desires pass him by?”

Once you go for what he wants, then she might like you or might not, that’s mostly out of your control anyway. But who you become in that moment? That’s 100% yours.

Cuz the real victory is not whether you get the girl or not, the real victory is becoming the man who no longer needs the girl to feel like a winner.

It’s who you become by going for her anyway, the courage you build, the self-respect you keep, and the man you’re forging in the moment of action. The girl is just the bonus.

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-05-12T11:28:12+00:00

You're in the vicious circle. You're afraid to ask. That is why you have no chances and also no positive experience wich can give you confidence.

Now what seems the solution to this according to you? ;)

Title	How to stop negative self-talk in dating?
Author	tin8374
Upvotes	10
Comments	11
Date	May 12, 2026 11:25 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1tayp4t/how_to_stop_negative_selftalk_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-negative-self-talk-in-dating.1580222 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580222

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