How you can do nothing wrong and things still don't work out.

jefffffffff · 2017-05-31T08:05:13+00:00

Op, it really doesn't matter if she was being honest about it or not. If she's being honest (which I think in this case she is) than clearly she's not ready for a guy. If she's lying than that means it just wasn't working for her. You gained some legit reference experience for future dates/pulls.

Main reason why I think this girl is telling the truth to some extent is that she sent multiple long texts on multiple occasions. I guess there are a few other things we don't know, like how 1itis you went on her and how often you were texting her / initiating texting.

+1 bra. Start approaching.

SwagVonYolo · 2017-05-31T08:49:17+00:00

Think a lot of people are being overly focused on wether shes telling the truth or not. Doesnt matter the outcome is the same.

The point of this post is to show that yes, sometime you do everything right and still lose, thats life. And to be ok with that.

DaygameCoach · 2017-05-31T04:27:43+00:00

thats a tough one. i don't personally accept friends frames form women i want to be than friends with.

Crazy_Flex · 2017-05-31T07:47:32+00:00

What is a beater? I'm from the UK and I assume OP is from the US...

panda_bro · 2017-05-31T13:01:06+00:00

I really think sometimes people give cookie cutter explanations on this sub and forget that people are still people and have dynamic flaws.

Honestly, I bet she has commitment problems. May have gotten hurt in the past? I know a girl just like this who shuts down every man she gets close to because her first love broke her completely.

A month sounds like the perfect time frame to catch the feelings bug. I bet she doesn't want that or is legit scared to go down that path again. Tough to say.

That's how I'd think. Seems like you got the right mindset through the whole ordeal. I guarantee if you cut all contact she'll come crawling back eventually.

sergeant_flem · 2017-05-31T13:23:37+00:00

OP did nothing wrong, it just sounds like to me for whatever reason she isn't interested in pursuing anything with you. There's nothing you can really do to change that, only she can change her mind.

It seems like she's being mentioning anxiety issues since the beginning so I don't think she's making excuses but at the same time I wouldn't keep trying to pursue her. Up to you if you want to stay in touch with her or not, but if you do then back off for a bit and explore other options. If she wants to start something again then let her come to you.

Down the road you could meet up with her again and see where it goes, but I wouldn't expect much. How long did this go on for?

souljabri557 · 2017-05-31T18:03:12+00:00

I think you have the opposite problem that I do. You seem to care too much, I care too little. In a situation like this I would reply "yeah it's cool" which makes me sound like an asshole. You delved into long-winded texts expecting the worst but she's probably just wants to keep it casual, probably still wants to fuck you, though we can't say for sure.

Forget about it. Keep hanging out with her. Be a man, be attractive, what happens will happen.

username_1_1_1 · 2017-05-31T06:29:11+00:00

when you break it down to its bare essentials, you'll see she just gave you the "It's not you, it's me" routine. She's not interested.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-05-31T05:25:07+00:00

Rule #1, never believe what a girl says. This instance especially. Girls avoid hurting your feelings. They will make up incredible explanations to avoid telling you the truth.

I have no idea what is actually going on, but this is the alternative story to the actual truth, which is probably a little critical of you. Sorry.

LoisLame78 · 2017-05-31T05:00:46+00:00

Two mistakes:

Your texts were too long. You should have only said. Hey, sure no problem, take your time. ;) You need to be the emotional rock for her,make her work for you to show more emotion.
She only said to only be friends, because she was afraid of you expecting stuff from her soon. She still wante to hang and have sex. Just hang out with her again, do some sweet kino and she will want you again. She is just not sure, because of her anziety, but sex is a great help with thay and she will feel it.

t1mman · 2017-05-31T14:00:58+00:00

Sometimes life just gets in the way and you have to make the best with what you got.

It's pretty much what I beleive. Had a couple of FWB over time, some of them I stopped seing, some of them that wanted something serious / exclusive too soon and one of them I grew to be in a LTR with.

Enjoy the time you spend with her, focus on the moment, being mindful and see how it goes, without any expectation. If you grow to get close together, so be it. If not, well, nothing is wrong with having a good time!

BTW: The non-pressure mindset will mostly lower her anxiety.

LoisLame78 · 2017-05-31T15:14:58+00:00

The nice guy shit probably works really well for you. So it's kind weird to give you advice. There are a lot of guys like you who do well.

But... Just reply with little phrases next time, or don't reply at all. When she sees how much you live in the moment and how cool you are about this she would've come running back because there's much less pressure on her than she had previously imagined.

midnight_toker22 · 2017-05-31T18:31:37+00:00

I feel your pain man, went through this myself a couple months ago with a girl who checked off nearly every characteristic on my "perfect woman list". One of those rare unicorns...

After about a month of the most electric chemistry I've ever felt, deeper connection than I've ever known, best sex I've ever had, I abruptly got a very similar rejection:

"I really like you but things are moving too fast, I'm not ready for a relationship, I need to find myself, it's just bad timing, blah blah blah."

I really wanted to believe her reasoning - that she's barely a year removed from an 8 year LTR (which lasted a majority of her 20's, a crucial development time for everyone) - as I was recently out of a 4 year LTR myself. But I couldn't shake my underlying belief:

If someone enjoys spending time with you, they're not going to make excuses to not be with you. If they really like you, they will make room in their life for you.

So I agreed to give her space and "take it slow", but even still, I was racking by brain trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Was I too nice? It's just my nature to be a "nice guy", so probably. Did I make it too obvious I was into her? I definitely did not hide it, things just seemed so right on so many levels - and every signal I was getting from her was a green light saying GO.

Did I buy her too many gifts? I did buy us tickets to see Metallica (whom we both love) when I heard they were going on sale (coincidentally a week after she told me how much she wanted to see them - which I thought showed I was spontaneous and pay attention) and I bought her pepper spray as a "Valentines Day gift" (odd I know, but she had just told me about how the weekend prior some taxi driver had tried to follow her up to her apartment after driving her home, so I thought it was practical and thoughtful).

Did we text too much? We were exchanging 1-2 texts per day - though I need to add that I never dropped what I was doing to respond so sometimes my responses were quite delayed (as were hers), and I never texted a second time without getting a response from her (she always did, and it was always long and moved the conversation forward).

Ultimately, I guess I was just too easy. Not enough of a challenge. Showed my cards too early.

These are the potential mistakes I could identify based on what I know about attraction. But I really don't think my mistakes were so major that it would cause her to lose interest so fast. I mean, are those things really that bad?

If that's the margin of error guys have to work with when it comes to quality women, then fuck me I guess. Life ain't fair. This is the kind of thing that causes me to become a little colder and a little more uncaring - which, in turn, is what makes women wonder why it's so hard to find decent guys.

I don't know why I wrote all of this. But I know how much it sucks. You're not alone in this.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-06-01T05:23:17+00:00

Late to the thread, but a few thoughts about some slightly different details.

1

She seemed really cool, I enjoyed my time with her and the sex was great so she seemed like a girl I would pursue.

It's an underrated thing to be in touch with what you want, in this way. Some people actually can't figure this part out, this easily. Good on you....

2

That was until she sent me this. Now I'm not saying I did everything right but I think I handled the situation the best that I could and just wanted to share to show people that there is no magic word or actions you can do that will make someone want to be with you. Sometimes life just gets in the way and you have to make the best with what you got.

True. The overall point is that even the best "players" can only do what they can with the cards they're dealt. Being a good player doesn't guarantee that it will work out, it just means that you'll do the best you can with what you get.

_______3: On to some of the feedback you've gotten_______

Your texts were too long. You should have only said. Hey, sure no problem, take your time. ;) You need to be the emotional rock for her,make her work for you to show more emotion.

Not true. AT all. She just said, in a nice way, that something wasn't quite working for her. Responding with game playing, won't change anything meaningful about her feelings. You might be able to manipulate her into bed. Maybe. But you wouldn't be able to "game" her into having feelings again.

So trying to look for some angle here, is wasted energy. Unless you're into manipulative relationships.

She only said to only be friends, because she was afraid of you expecting stuff from her soon. She still wante to hang and have sex.

She was talking about mailing the beater back: that's not what someone says when they really want to hang out with you.
She said the sex was great but then said she didn't want it right now.
The comment about wanting to hang, was part of the courtesy: she felt bad about breaking it off, but someone who wants you, won't risk it like this by saying what she said.

If I had a dime every time a girl said she had some sort of anxiety issues, baggage, or whatever that was "keeping her away" from a particular guy she was dating, only to turn up dating another guy soon after, I'd be rich.

What she said was letting you down easy. Whatever you thought it was, OP, it wasn't that for her. Or she wouldn't have said what she said, period. And as someone else said on this thread, it doesn't matter if she really does want to be with you but needs time right now, or if she's just lying about it to let you down easy. The end result is the same.

StolenTP · 2017-05-31T10:07:11+00:00

As someone who has dealt with terrible Anxiety issues, I know the value of someone being understanding. You're a good person OP.

2017-05-31T04:08:11+00:00

She has a boyfriend, you're "the other guy". An unenviable position.

Jacob_961 · 2017-05-31T11:56:41+00:00

Sorry... there is something off here. Who gives a fuck if she has anxiety. This is the stupidest reason I've seen someone go out of a viable relationship. You like her right? She likes you too, right? How does her anxiety get worse when she has someone who loves her and cares for her as a support? The way I read it is "I don't think you really care for me and I don't want to get walked over because I care for you so it's better if we don't see each other." and you went "ok". Men are really thick. This is the biggest Jesus Faceplam moment if I've ever seen one.

Woujo · 2017-05-31T05:12:01+00:00

First, she sent the Friendzone text because you were being needy and pushing too hard.

Second, your response to the Friendzone text should have been "k" and nothing more.

Title	How you can do nothing wrong and things still don't work out.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	41
Comments	53
Date	May 31, 2017 3:51 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6echil/how_you_can_do_nothing_wrong_and_things_still/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-you-can-do-nothing-wrong-and-things-still-dont.1425447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1425447

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