Finally, today I managed to understand the importance of this subreddit. I just came back a few hours ago from my first Halloween party, with alcohol and easy women. And I can proudly say that I literally had to go cry in the dark because of how badly it went for me.

I really understand now where the fundamentals apply. I've always seen people talk about inner game, outer game, strategies, etc. I always thought it was about losing my fear of women (because of my incel past) and treating them like people. But the issue is actually a bit more complicated. At the end of the party, my friend was able to take home a cute Italian girl and several Instagrams, and I crashed out in my bed sending voice messages to my best friend, crying, hahaha, while I was having a crisis about being so useless and that I had to accept my reality. This is out of character for me. I usually struggle with that idea, but I had been drinking a lot (don't do that).

First, you have to know the environment. Ideally, don't drink too much if you don't have much tolerance. Also, I went alone and was bored out of my mind when, by coincidence, my friend showed up. The night got 100 times better, and on top of that, he was friends with the organizers, so I gained a lot of confidence being there.

My specific experience.

After talking to several girls, I basically got better as the night went on, but I've always been more of a homebody, and this is literally my first party, where they even gave us condoms. I've always been one to go to bars and restaurants, yes, at my age...

The first girl I talked to was a girl dressed as Wicked. I basically asked her the standard questions: What were you dressed as? What inspired you? etc., but her gay friend showed up next to her and distracted me. My friend came to help me out and broke the flow. Then she grabbed my friend at the door to talk, and I joined them. I played along with my friends, but she was more interested in him, so I told him, “Go for it.”

The second girl was Spanish, everything was fine with her, but I literally screwed it up because I can't dance and she was disappointed, hahaha. She left with someone else. Meanwhile, my friend hit on his friend who was dressed as Ghostface, for God's sake, what an amazing ass! They had great chemistry, danced together, and he got her Instagram.

The third one was at the bar. She approached me. She was younger than me, and I screwed it up. I'm a responsible person, so we were just flirting (inner+talk game), and I said something she didn't like (it was a stupid joke, it wasn't mean, she just didn't like it). She said, “Give me a moment,” and left. By then I was a little tired, so I decided to leave.

So now I have a hangover, and I'm not sleepy because my cat woke me up and scared me out of my sleep. Great.

Clearly, throughout the night I was able to appreciate the importance of the inner+outer+talk game. It was very enlightening.

Edit:

I hate not accepting my reality as a loser who has no game. I think it would be easier and better for me if I gave up, but the truth is that I'm too stubborn to stop fighting.