If you're a virgin, how do you juggle between the idea of just wanting "casual" sex (I.e. go from a first or second date right back to your place) with something more gradual?

SPENCEandtonic · 2022-06-28T09:04:08+00:00

To answer your questions, waiting will not make things more intimate. It's just an excuse you are creating because either you are afraid to ask girls out, or you are afraid to make a move on the first date. As a result, you justify it by saying, "I'm a good guy, I care, I want it to be more intimate that's why I am waiting."

In my experience, intimacy is built from mutual vulnerability. Sex is a pretty vulnerable act and it definitely creates more intimacy. The quicker you have sex, the quicker she sees you as a potential partner.

You also need to ask yourself, "Why do I want a shy 21 year old virgin?" I'd imagine it's because you're insecure about your inexperience and you think somehow she will understand if she is also a virgin.

So what? The only way to start getting experience is to put yourself out there. She's not going to care how inexperienced you are. If you get to the part where you are taking off her clothes in your bed, she's into you and all she wants is your weiner inside her and you to pull her hair a little and tell her how sexy she is. You're a man who deserves to have strong emotional and physical relationships with the opposite sex. You need to believe that.

I bet the only reason you haven't had sex yet is because you don't put yourself out there. It's the man's job to initiate almost everything when it comes to courting the opposite sex. It's your job to tell her you think she's cute and you should go out. It's your job to set up the date and it's your job to get out of your head on the date and make the first move. If she made it as far as she's on the date with you, she wants it to go well and she wants to kiss you.

So OP i have a few questions for you.

How many girls have you ever asked out? How many dates have you been on? Because I bet the number is really small and because of it you feel insecure and un validated by the opposite sex. But the reality is, OP, you're probably an absolute stud, you just need to win the numbers game. Some of these guys that sleep with more girls than you ask out a few girls every week. They probably even get rejected a few times a week. No big deal.

Hope this helps OP, let me know if I can help you with anything else. You are a wolf and we are your wolfpack sir.

Neo-Rio · 2022-06-28T05:44:29+00:00

There are two iron clad rules around this:

The longer you wait for sex, the less likely it is to ever happen
If you suspect a woman is making you wait for sex, the sex is never worth the wait

Your aim should be to get to sex as fast as possible with minimum investment.Why? This is what women do with alpha males, or lesser men who have mastered game.

You want a woman to really have genuine desire for you. If she doesn't have any desire she'll just treat you as a friend and add you to the collection while she has sex with some other guy (or maybe no other guy because she's immature and has no sex drive)

Oh, and forget about finding a virgin in this day and age. Old instincts die hard, but I'm pretty certain most attractive women have had some experience buy the time they hit 20. Learn to get over it. The only reason why you are hung up on it are base instincts.

The reason for the hang-up on virginity is because instinctually men don't want to be responsible for looking after children that aren't theirs (cuckoldery). By ensuring that the woman is a virgin (because we used to lack parental DNA tests until very recently), it was the only way to determine if a woman was pregnant with another man's child before marriage. The whole point of marriage for a man is to have children that are biologically his.

Unfortunately old instincts and habits die hard - so you need to understand that and get over it. You are not likely going to marry these women (I would avoid marriage for as long as you can until the conditions are perfect - which won't be until your 40s) so it doesn't really matter.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-06-28T09:59:36+00:00

Make up your goddamn mind. Being indecisive is what's keeping you a virgin.

PrinoBots · 2022-06-28T05:50:04+00:00

well the first time is never all that good so im told. it it where me i would just go with the flow honestly (but i can be quite aggressive so yhea)

VisionsOfVisions · 2022-06-28T05:51:31+00:00

Intimacy is from having repeated good sex, not from giving your "precious" virginity. There really isn't anything valuable lost by having sex earlier in the relationship.

Contango6969 · 2022-06-28T08:57:17+00:00

Virginity and purity are only virtues for women. No reason to hesitate as a guy.

Travis_Varga · 2022-06-28T13:49:21+00:00

I am torn between what I want, because it seems most women today will just do any guy within the first couple of dates if there is attraction. So why would I wait?

Well, it depends on what sort of woman you’re looking to have sex with. I sincerely doubt that you have the evidence to support the assertion that most women will do any guy within in two dates.

Yet at the same time, I wonder if waiting, as a virgin, will make things more intimate?

I don’t know what you mean by waiting. For achieving happiness, you should have sex with someone you like a lot, someone who shares your highest values. It takes a varying amount of dates with a particular woman to find whether she shares enough of your values. One thing to note is that one of your priorities shouldn’t be that she’s a virgin, particularly at your age.

CloutComputing · 2022-06-29T13:46:29+00:00

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Astromythicist · 2022-08-08T00:27:53+00:00

I don't want casual sex. Might as well get a sex worker. Less effort for a lay honestly.

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