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In your experience, what are the best first dates?

maplemario · 2021-07-16T22:23:41+00:00

In your own experience - not from books or gurus - what kind of things work out the best when you suggest & do them as a first activity? I'm...

maplemario

July 16, 2021

17 upvotes

/r/seduction

Archived from /r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	In your experience, what are the best first dates?
Author	maplemario
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	July 16, 2021 10:23 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/olriow/in_your_experience_what_are_the_best_first_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/in-your-experience-what-are-the-best-first-dates.1280256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1280256

Comments

[–]comparestocoleslaw 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]sunday__rain 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]thankschief1 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]comparestocoleslaw 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]J33P88 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]jimbimbob 5 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]electric_giraffe 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]jimbimbob 5 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]electric_giraffe 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

What you describe is self-improvement. Bettering your social skills, self confidence, and appearance are all healthy “tactics” to become a person who is more attractive to women. As a woman, I 100% agree.

That’s not the advice the original comment described.

The OP asked for first date ideas. Not hookup ideas. The goal of a first date is to get to know someone enough to begin to gauge whether or not there is potential for a mutual connection, not to have sex with a stranger. The goal of a hookup is to have sex with a stranger.

If you lie to a woman- misrepresenting yourself as someone interested in dating her when in reality you’re interested in sleeping with a stranger no matter what you have to say or do to achieve that. If you succeed in having sex with her based solely on your lies, you haven’t seduced her, you’ve just tricked her. If your response to that is “doesn’t matter, had sex”, again, maybe you belong on r/sex not a sub about seduction.

Just as bragging about being a scammer might belong on a sub called “money by any means necessary” but not on a sub for successful entrepreneurs.

The scammer didn’t mug those old people, put a gun to their head, beat them up to get what he wanted. He didn’t use force. He simply lied, misrepresented himself and his intentions, manipulated them, created strong pressure, and ultimately got what he wanted from them.

That’s perfectly analogous to the tactics in the comment. It’s also an insight into any man who uses such tactic’s inability to get women interested in sleeping with him based on mutual attraction to his genuine self without having to resort to lying & manipulation. Well adjusted, emotionally intelligent women will recognize this as a red flag and run. More vulnerable, naive and trusting women will fall prey to men like him. It’s not a coincidence this type of PUA advice advocates for targeting women as young as possible (18-22) regardless of the man’s age as they are less likely to recognize the “tactic”.

If you notice, both that comment and the comments agreeing with him have been removed.

Edit: clarity

[–]jimbimbob 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]electric_giraffe 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]J33P88 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]electric_giraffe 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Trust your radar, love. He is absolutely an asshole.

His entire comment serves as a PSA to any women unlucky enough to happen upon it as to why- unless of course you are looking for sex with a stranger- you should never, under any circumstances, agree to go over to a man’s house as a first date. Regardless of if he’s framing it as a “cute, personable first date”, the expectation is sex. He’s not expecting to just make you a cute dinner and chat. When you get there you will be alone with a strange man in his home and he will be expecting sex from you. That will be the atmosphere.

This brings me to why he is, indeed, an asshole. Many people of all genders enjoy casual sex with strangers. Nothing wrong with that as long as you are honest and upfront with potential partners about that intention.

If your definition of dating is a set of strategies to manipulate women into sleeping with you through misrepresenting yourself as someone interested in dating as in getting to know a person well enough to determine if there is potential for actual connection on various levels not just physical; when in fact you are actually only interested in sex and further willing to say or do whatever you believe will achieve the goal of sex… you are an asshole.

Interesting that men like this don’t possess the self-awareness necessary to see that by admitting to having to resort to pressure tactics like the one detailed in his comment, he is letting us know he’s incapable of convincing women to sleep with him as a result of a mutually felt, natural, connection/ chemistry with his authentic self. He has to hide behind manipulation, misrepresentation, and PUA type strategies to trick women into sleeping with him. Might be sad if it wasn’t so skeevy.

TL;DR: trust your instincts when you sense a red flag like this. We often subconsciously pick up on predatory tendencies in others before we can articulate exactly why it is we feel this way. To learn more, I’d highly recommend the book The Gift of Fear.

Edit: formatting

[–]J33P88 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]electric_giraffe 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m glad it resonated with you, this thread felt particularly poignant as I saw another post recently in a different sub of women talking about “having more bodies” (as in men they’ve slept with) as a result of situations they went into not wanting or intending to have sex with a man but because the man expected sex and they were already alone and moving toward sex, they felt too afraid to say no. They were clearly not into it but also not fighting back, screaming no, etc so it happened anyway. The reasoning being “I’d rather just go along with it than be raped, possibly beaten, or worse for trying to physically stop it at this point.”

The op commenter is exactly the type of man this situation happens with.

Men need to understand that these are the fears going through our heads in such situations. If you engage in “dating” the way he outlines, you are absolutely predatory no matter what delusional self concept you indulge in about “what a nice guy” you are in your head.

Stay safe ladies.

Edit: That’s it, downvote instead of offering a cogent response. That’s the way. Some real quality men up in this sub, look out ladies!

[–]Papa_Musk 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowRA-bonsai 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]atomant88 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThrowRA-bonsai 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mexiviking96 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]RussianBoa 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]PaqS18 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]The0rangeKind 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Mexiviking96 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]PaqS18 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]RoboticNick 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bj0rnstorm 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]El_Marlin 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link