[Inner Game/Conversation Skills] How to learn about someone without sounding like you're interviewing them.

Pit_Sweat · 2013-12-07T03:25:45+00:00

Look at the conversations that you have with your friends. Usually you'll just go up to them and start talking about something, right? You don't have to think because you already know that they have generally the same interests that you do, and that they'll probably share your enthusiasm for whatever it is.

Talking to strangers is one step below this. The difficulty is that you don't know what their interests are, and so it's your job to determine these as soon as you can, and take the conversation in the direction of a shared interest. For this reason I almost never comment on a girl's clothing (like some people on here suggest) because I know nothing about fashion and no matter how much she tells me about her shirt or necklace, my response will probably always be "Oh." or something longer but just as meaningless, and I'll be forced to move on to the next question.

You can try making statements instead of questions, but if you can't identify any shared interests and grab on to something meaningful, it'll still be an interview just in statement mode.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-07T05:22:03+00:00

Use direct statements rather than questions. This creates a sense of intimacy, because you are talking to her like you already know about her, like she is already a friend you've known for a while. For example,

Bad: Where do you work?
Good: I bet you have an exciting job.

Note that this sort of statement elicits a feeling (in this case, excitement) rather than boring facts about what her job is and where it is. The goal of a conversation is not to talk for talking's sake, the goal is to seduce her. You do this by evoking feelings, not facts.

bl1y · 2013-12-07T04:36:43+00:00

Conversation skills are outer game, not inner game.

ithearrow · 2013-12-07T02:48:44+00:00

I used to be an "interviewer", it turned alot of girls off and I came off as needy and desperate. I changed this by asking a question than creating a statement. Something like this:

Hey, I saw you from over there and i had to come tell you, you have an amazing sense of style

I think that necklace is beautiful, tell me how you got it!

I know lots of famous PUA's reccomend making statements instead of questions as you can generate endless hours of conversation with it. PUA's such as mystery and daygamers such as Yad/Yosha also take this type of approach.

changeh · 2013-12-07T04:14:39+00:00

Statements - guess what she does, her age. E.g. "you study art". It doesn't matter if you get it wrong, it's more engaging and makes it a lot more personal. Try telling her to guess what you do for a living as well. If she's not down to even humor you with a guess she's probably not interested.

Us mentality - make up some sort of an over exaggerate role play which sounds so ridiculous it's obvious it won't happen. If she says that she's into traveling be like "me and you are going to xx right now, I have a paddling boat. We'll get there before 6 in the evening!"

Multi-thread - talk about any thing you want. Don't worry about transitioning, see something funny or strange? Call it out! Randomly bring up a new topic, e.g. "you know what I love? Pokemon! What is your favourite pokemon? You don't like pokemon? You suck, you've just made yourself seem less attractive now shit eating grin"

recyclablebantha · 2013-12-07T10:06:26+00:00

The discussion i want to generate here is on the terms of building rapport through conversation and the concepts that apply and can be used in a wide variety of situations.

With this said, i can be easily classified as an interviewer in my approaches and first meetings.

what can us "Interviewers" or former "Interviewers" do to enhance or conversations and build rapport more organically?

The usual problem with "interviewers" is not that they ask questions. Questions move things along. Have you ever noticed how little kids can keep a conversation going much longer than someone wants just by asking, "Why?" The mistake most interviewers make is that they go down a laundry list of questions, without realizing that, as they go down their list of questions, they are basically saying that they aren't paying attention or don't care about what the other person answered to previous questions because they're immediately dumping the conversation thread they JUST started, by asking a question on a completely different subject.

The thing is to listen & go deeper.

Listen. After you've asked a question, stop thinking about what you're going to say. You should have ALL your attention on the words coming out of her mouth. When she finishes talking......
....Go deeper. Process what she has said, with an eye for what emotions or motivations might have been involved with whatever she said. Then you can make a statement or question based on some emotion or motivation.

EDIT: Small example: You ask her what her major is and she tells you, then you shouldn't be moving on to the next thing. You can get into why she got into that subject or when she knew she wanted to study that subject.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2013-12-07T09:23:15+00:00

Two points of focus will get you there. First, focus on things with personal meaning to her. Second, ask her what she thinks instead of asking for factual details about her life.

Example, you start talking about work, and instead of quizzing her on what exactly she does and how her job works and other facts, you focus in on what she likes or doesn't like about her job, and bring the conversation onto the topic of how she feels about what she does.

Rapport is built in simplest terms by getting her to talk to you about how she feels about something and then relating to it by providing an example from your own life that mirrors those feelings. You demonstrate emotional understanding and provide positive reactions to the things that she feels.

Now, when I say positive reactions, the positive reaction is to her, not necessarily to what she is talking about. What that means is, for example, talking about a shared dislike. Your positive reaction is to her opinion, you validate how she feels about whatever by relating to it and sharing that you feel the same way. The same goes for relating to her positive feelings about something, but that's a less confusing subject.

One of the things that is required for this is that you are able to entertain someone by telling them about yourself. A dry story of "Yeah I agree with you because of this" may or may not get the reaction you want from her. I don't want to make the blanket statement that humor is absolutely required, but I lean on humor very, very heavily so that even if the subject itself is somewhat mundane I can entertain her by finding a funny way to put things to her and encouraging her to join in on the joke.

This is an example from inside a relationship where a rapport already exists, but hell it was last night so I actually remember it and it was a funny conversation. My girlfriend is pregnant, and we were discussing baby names, and I felt like having fun with it so I started trying to figure out names that would be hilarious and completely socially unacceptable and then speculating about the reactions from people we already know. We ended up rolling around in bed laughing our asses off at Genghis Kahn and Thor as name possibilities for boys and imagining going about our lives with a child in tow with one of those names. She is the one who brought up Ghengis Kahn and I busted up laughing about taking him to Ghengis Grill for his birthday every year, which sent her over the edge and neither of us could talk for a minute.

Looking at that, a key point of what I did was that I built off of her and she built off of me. We would give an idea, the other person would take that idea and run with it somewhere that got us both laughing our asses off. Obviously, this requires that you're talking with someone capable of participating in the discussion equally. I know her really well, and so it's easy for me to take an idea she gives me and develop it into something that I know will make her laugh.

Doing that in the moment with someone you do not know boils down to perception and often just a bit of luck, and sometimes taking a risk on a topic and hoping for a hole in one.

But that baseline of responding to how she feels with my own positive feelings was definitely there. When she laughed and suggested Ghengis I found some aspect of that idea that was hilarious as hell to me and then shared it back, and that knocked her off her ass laughing. So I guess, develop the ideas that she throws your way and try to give her ideas that she can develop and encourage her to do so by asking her what she thinks.

itakmaszraka · 2013-12-07T10:17:46+00:00

Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques For Building Rapport With Anyone
Richard La Ruina explains how to connect during conversation
EDIT: Especially the video covers the stuff You asked about. IMO it's really worth it - I used this technique on a girl few years older than me, and it was very long conversation because she engaged in it , even more than I did.

Mr_Nice_ · 2013-12-07T16:51:03+00:00

Sound interested and be enthusiastic about what they are telling you. Lead questions off what they just told you to show you are interested and paying attention. If u just real off questions without showing any emotion it will come off creepy. If you follow the emotions behind what your talking about it will bond you. Knowing when to tease and when to take things seriously has to be judged out per person and just takes practice.

RXRob · 2013-12-07T12:04:44+00:00

I work on a petrol (gas) station forecourt and there's an inevitable awkward silence as they fill their car. I always ask "Going anywhere nice today?"

From that question I've found that I've been speaking to race drivers, judges, golfers, mountain climbers, shoppers, models, vicars and goodness knows who else. As long as they have the social skills to answer that question then it always kick starts a conversation.

Don't be afraid to always use the the same question because it'll be the first time that you've said it to that person.

Carrington5 · 2013-12-07T16:05:49+00:00

Usually when I'm asking women questions, I wait until I hit on one that she's really excited about answering. Then I stay on that thread to check how much she's willing to reveal about herself while staying on that particular subject.

goo22 · 2013-12-07T18:07:21+00:00

don't just simply ask questions like an interviewer, always give statements/remarks so you don't sound like a question machine.

so ask question, she gives answer, comment about her answer or something you can relate to her answer in a statement. give and take

Title	[Inner Game/Conversation Skills] How to learn about someone without sounding like you're interviewing them.
Author	newjerseykita
Upvotes	144
Comments	44
Date	December 7, 2013 2:06 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1saea0/inner_gameconversation_skills_how_to_learn_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/inner-gameconversation-skills-how-to-learn-about.1362737 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362737

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