I've been single over 5 years. Have a date next week...

Maze715 · 2012-03-18T01:27:19+00:00

I feel like your past relationships or lack there of should not be a topic of conversation on a first date.

She doesn't need to know that. She doesn't need to know your reasoning. You can convey it if you really want but I wouldn't for a long while.

She already said yes so she most likely likes you. Its just up to you to not fuck it up.

metshower · 2012-03-18T05:22:02+00:00

This post better belongs in /r/askseddit

sinking_sunk · 2012-03-18T05:09:26+00:00

Don't go into the past terribleness or singleness. It's a first date, not a job interview.

Don't think of it as a date -- don't even think it's a special thing. Projecting calm will appear as confidence. Simple calmness. She'll pick up on the calm and it'll help things flow. Of course, if you pick up on a passionate subject, then project passion. Otherwise, calm is the name of the game.

If you start to freeze, or there is a lull in the conversation, then just smile or laugh softly. When she asks you whats funny (or even if she doesn't), open with a story or a small vignette that can start conversation. (ex - ha, the last time I ate italian, I was trying to convince my friend not to doing something stupid/do something smart. Have a friend like that?)

If things are going well, consider asking (in advance) for the mutual friend to leave in the middle of the date. S/he's your friend, not parole officer, and you'd like at least 30-60 minutes of 1-on-1 just to cement that initial trust.

Lastly, this is my Stone-Cold Date Lock of the Century tip. Your primary goal is to create rapport. To best achieve such, you have to be distinctly memorable in a positive way. Not hard at all if you have the right mindset. Example: she mentions she loves Steinbeck and pistachios. Mid-date, you mention that in your free time you pick fair trade pistachios and read your Steinbeck first editions. End date you say you suppose you should offer some romantic quote from Mice and Men, but you read it in 5th grade and you forgot it all. But you'll make it up to her over pistachio ice cream next time. Deal?

It looks weird/stalker-ish compressed like this, but over the span of several hours, it ties everything together and keeps things light and fun. Good luck.

Stythe · 2012-03-18T14:00:05+00:00

You're going to make it a red flag because you think it's an issue. Don't bring it up. If it comes up then be honest. Don't defend it. Don't knock it. Just state it. I've been single for years because I haven't found anyone I actually want to date. It doesn't bother me and if it comes up I say it outright, because it's true.

It's better to be single and happy about it than miserable and in a relationship. Stop thinking it's an issue. It isn't.

Balloons_lol · 2012-03-18T05:29:58+00:00

Don't bring up anything negative at all. AT ALL! Be only positive; she'll remember you by that. There's a ton of sad things out there so she'll want to go back to things that make her happy - be something that makes her happy. I'd say keep conversation going to the best you can - stay happy with jokes and stuff. If the conversation slows, have at least five backup stories you can tell. Maybe get your friend to laugh and go along with them. If they include that friend, all the better.

But best of all - this is the most important thing - SMILE. YOU HEAR ME? SMILE. Learn many smiles. Big, laughter smiles. Coy, seductive smiles. Be good at smiling.

Good luck!

heckz · 2012-03-18T06:58:55+00:00

way too premature for that.

HeroicPrinny · 2012-03-18T07:30:24+00:00

Dude, we all have shortcomings we could talk about when we first meet/date someone, but where is the benefit in that? Be your best self, forget that other stuff, and try to have a good time. If you are having fun, you'll do fine.

xaustin · 2012-03-18T09:31:01+00:00

Positive and passionate. Talk about things you like as if they were the be all and end all of your world.

thebitchyoucallkarma · 2012-03-18T18:30:26+00:00

Don't mention it, until she asks

themanbat · 2012-03-18T23:17:50+00:00

You should not tell the girl you've been single for 5 years. You should not mention your clinical depression or chemical abuse. That's really personal stuff and you should already be in a relationship before it comes up. How long you've been single won't come up. If it somehow does, say, "Oh its been a while, how long have you been single?" She'll say X amount of time. You then say, "Oh man, that's way too long. We'll have to do something about that." Then nudge her playfully or just wink or smile at her. You don't have to lie but put yourself in a good light.

Your feelings are trying to make this date into a bigger deal than it really is. It's just a date. Sure it's your first date in a while but so what? There are going to be many many more dates with lots of different girls after this one. Go out to have a good time. Tease, joke, and don't be serious. Compliment her on what she's wearing early in the date. Doesn't have to be something as corny as "you look lovely tonight," just say, "Hey I like you're shirt. Where'd you get it?" If you find yourself freaking out, just pretend she's an ugly girl you are taking out as a favor. Remember she's lucky to be going out with you because you are fucking delightful. She's single too and probably doesn't have an excuse as nearly as good as yours.

zfolwick · 2012-03-18T05:44:23+00:00

be more interesting than "I've spent the last 5 years clinically depressed and chemically dependent". If the conversation turns towards it, play it off as being worldly or some shit. Hell, you've got to have some damned interesting perspectives on things influenced by people you've met- if you must talk about it, then just use it to pass through to something more interesting and possibly even cool about you or your experience.

If you really want to avoid it all, then you could keep her talking about herself.

Title	I've been single over 5 years. Have a date next week...
Author	LakesideHerbology
Upvotes	16
Comments	19
Date	March 17, 2012 11:46 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r1e26/ive_been_single_over_5_years_have_a_date_next_week/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-been-single-over-5-years-have-a-date-next-week.1329982 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329982

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