Making life work for you when you’re not conventionally attractive or charming

Lazlo25 · 2021-06-07T15:26:48+00:00

If you can get fit, get your style on point, and learn to be a smooth, relaxed talker, you’ll be good man! Also try to fake confidence a bit until you get it for real. A big part of all this is not being too timid to put yourself out there.

franhd · 2021-06-07T18:18:16+00:00

First of all, you're at a decent height for being an Indian dude. I've met tons of Indian guys that are way shorter. Second, it's great that you recognized you have a weight problem and you're doing something about it. How much are you losing weight per week?

What I recommend for your dating profile is get to an optimal weight, get decent clothes that fit you, and groom yourself (haircut, facial hair, etc.). Get all of that sorted, then ask someone to help you take decent photos of yourself that aren't blurry selfies. Research what kind of photos are effective (body language, poses, etc.).

Last, what kind of women are you trying to attract? If you're going for other Indian girls, you're going to have to break stereotypes that Indian girls are often not attracted to. I've met tons of Indians in my life, even dated one, and from my observations, you and I can come to the conclusion on what I mean. The biggest thing I see with Indian guys is the lack of being self sufficient, meaning that women in their lives (such as mom) do everything for them (cleaning, cooking, etc.). If this is the case, you need to start changing this area in your life. Start making your own food, clean up after yourself, wash the dishes, wash your own clothes. Even further, help around the house. If you can be self sufficient, I promise you this doesn't only attract Indian women, but all women.

The next step is socialization. You don't get out much according to yourself, so let's change that. If you're lifting weights, I assume you already go to the gym. The gym is a great place to make friends after college, since you already have something in common with other people there. Learn how to talk with other members there, even if you start out with small talk or light hearted jokes. Even ask others to spot you on the bench. Apart from the gym, people usually suggest volunteering, for good reason. It gives people a sense of purpose to give back to the community. If you live in a more populated area, look into dance classes, like salsa. Salsa coincidentally is also a great way to meet women, and every women who dances 100% loves men who can take the lead.

I won't overload you with too much information. At least get the first three paragraphs of my comment sorted first. Go forth, my friend.

BogMasterOracle · 2021-06-07T18:07:20+00:00

My main suggestion is just to listen to women. Men easily fall into a pit trap of interrupting, talking only about themselves, and generally not listening to women. There are lots of videos on how to hold decent conversations, but I’d wager the majority of women you interact with will enjoy your company more if you know how to respectfully speak with them. Also, don’t try and solve their problems, and don’t give out solutions to their issues unless they specifically ask. MOST of the time (not always and not with everyone), when someone (gender irrelevant) is talking to you about their problems, they just want to be heard and validated. Simply saying “oh my god that’s terrible! What did you say to that??” will go a long way. Another technique for listening to peoples problems is to restate their thought back to them whilst validating it. For example- Person 1- “and it’s really hard on me because my brother clearly needs mental help but he refuses to go to therapy and instead puts all his burdens on me and I can’t take it anymore!” You- “sibling relationships are especially difficult, but it certainly isn’t fair that your brother is putting all of that on you. That sucks.” BUT this is just my experience in the world in general. Number one tip is to find something that you can be confident doing, or that boosts your self esteem. No matter if other people see you doing it or not.

TheDrWinston · 2021-06-07T16:32:45+00:00

Go to clubs, learn to socialize. Then practice what you want to do until you get confident. Girls usually see through fake confidence.

Try to think from a girl's perspective. Our brains really aren't too different.

_archi · 2021-06-07T16:49:55+00:00

Who said Indian men are not attractive?

campskills21 · 2021-06-08T15:22:22+00:00

This is tough, first forget about your height 5'8" is okay. I can tell you there is a ton of women out there that are in the exact same boat as you and actually want a guy like you. They probably not going to be conventionally attractive either, but once you get confidence you can start building from there. Unless you are really great looking, you're at a difficult age for every guy. You need find a job where you can get friends, most people get their friends from work. Get your own place, own car, and in just a year your life can totally change with friends and a gf.

andydufresne0207 · 2021-06-11T16:30:32+00:00

Read "Models" by Mark Mason

hwillis891 · 2021-06-08T14:23:04+00:00

The only thing you need to do is deal with rejection.

The key to getting women is being able to be rejected and still pursue without letting it affect your ego. You should also be improving yourself, but if you can go up to that super beauty and ask her out then you know eventually you’ll be making out with one one day.

It is rejection, not women that men truly fear the most. It is a fear that many women won’t understand and can’t understand. It is the single reason why you aren’t successful with women. You’ve already rejected yourself thinking that your height or your ethnicity is holding you back when really it’s just your own self doubt. Don’t give up, go get that girl of your dreams.

Thest0rm_99 · 2021-06-07T19:13:43+00:00

Seems like by just doing the work, youre going in the right direction. Stay motivated, stay busy and stay confident in yourself. As you continue to do this work, you will cultivate an ingrained sense of value that women will pick up on.

Mob_Rules1994 · 2021-06-07T20:24:14+00:00

Making a women laugh is a good start And, knowing is half the battle

adyuma · 2021-06-07T20:47:04+00:00

Hey man, South Asian 27M here,

First of all kudos to you for taking the steps to improve your life with the working out, its a great achievement and it definitely goes a long way in your self-confidence. Granted that the world says you should love yourself the way you are but humans are programmed to crave appreciation and attention, and dropping weight/gaining muscle definitely gets you that.

I was/am somewhat in the same boat, and moved to the West only 7-8 years ago, so there's a lot of South Asian-ness still in the way I look/dress, and yes I do feel its not the target audience for white women however I've noticed south asian men born/raised in the west generally fit in well and have no issues dating them (I dont which category you fall under)

That being said, I get decent attention from South Asians, Hispanics, etc so I'm not too bothered.

One thing I learned which help me become better at socializing with people in general was someone who taught me the the cliched you should be yourself. Now yeah I know we've all heard that before, but, let me put into example and it might make more sense.

You're young, you've got ALOT to discover in life (so do we all) and so be comfortable in who you are, your choices. I used to have complexity issues that I'm not good enough, but I realized that what I am today is on the road to what I want to be, and you can only get there through experiences, willingness to improve and failure. Just like when you are 78kg on the road to 75kg, you dont feel weird why am I fat, you feel proud knowing you came from 82kg and you are on the road to 75. And so you are very comfortable with yourself at 78kg, you feel good about yourself.

Secondly, what do you want to get out a conversation when you talk to someone? When I see someone in the lift, I want to small talk so I do it because thats what pleases me, I actually am curious to know when I ask someone how they are doing, not because its a socially accepted thing to say. When I talk to women for the first time, I will aim to find out more about this person BECAUSE my goal is to possibly date them and find out more about them, not because I want to show them that I care. When I crack a joke (and yes they are often lame), I do so because I really enjoyed it and its for my own entertainment and not theirs.

This may look really self-centered but really the point is that be comfortable with your talk, your hobbies, your height, your race, your body fat, because you know you are on the road to success (which is defined by you) and everything good, bad, ugly, beautiful moment in between is adding to those experiences.

Do what you want, do what you love, and love, friendships, attention whatever it is, it will all come along in the process, I promise

Title	Making life work for you when you’re not conventionally attractive or charming
Author	ParamedicEastern1997
Upvotes	22
Comments	26
Date	June 7, 2021 3:16 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/nuezz2/making_life_work_for_you_when_youre_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/making-life-work-for-you-when-youre-not.1283031 https://theredarchive.com/post/1283031

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