On dates I often act intensely platonic.

jivan006 · 2021-02-15T18:41:22+00:00

IMO, there's no right formula for this, as every girl is different. Some like guys that will be very bold and say "sexy" things to them, some are repelled by that. So you need to measure yourself.

What's important, is that you convey the message that you are not a guy that would want to be her friend. You do that by being yourself and being confident. If you genuinely like the girl, there will be at least one thing (reason) why you like her, so tell her that at the right moment. Whatever it is.. you like her laugh, a ring she's wearing, her voice.. hands.. boots.. I say at the right moment, because you don't want to splurt it out out of nowhere. You'll scare her and come out as weird.

If you look at reality, she also sitting across you thinking "does he like me?", and she's waiting for you to give her signs that you do. Whatever it is. A compliment is enough, a touch even more.

Long story short, it's normal that a date conversation is casual. You are not in a movie, nor a porn to have the perfect scripted conversation. Sprinkle some signs that you like her from time to time and most importantly ENJOY YOURSELF.

grizzled083 · 2021-02-15T15:52:43+00:00

Ah man I feel like it’s a cheat code to just add in some small type of touch.

If you’re at a restaurant, press your ankle against hers and just leave it. Sitting next to her lean your shoulder into her a little.

nobody_nemo_nobody · 2021-02-15T20:08:57+00:00

I (29F) have much the same problem. Over time, I’ve come to realize that it’s because I don’t feel romantically attracted to a person until after I get to know them. If we don’t gel, I let them down gently. But it is a pain to get to that point in the impatience of modern society. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Qrsko · 2021-02-15T14:56:04+00:00

How I generally go about this is I'll keep the conversation boring and platonic, but with some tension building spice sprinkled inn. "You're a female mountie, eh? I bet you look sexy in that uniform. Anyway, have you fought any bears?" and keep it moving. Basically show my sexual interest directly, but don't force her to respond yet.

Now, later on in the interaction, she probably wants to participate in the flirtation game too, and then I just let her by giving another flirtatious comment, but have her respond to it. The art is being able to sense if she wants to play the game or not.

AloofusMaximus · 2021-02-15T20:14:05+00:00

Flirting is just injecting sexual energy into the interaction.

You're on a date, not a work lunch. Sex is the subcontext there.

DippySwitch · 2021-02-15T15:05:47+00:00

I’m exactly like you I’d love some tips myself

stalleo_thegreat · 2021-02-15T18:22:55+00:00

Watch this video on flirting. I know y'all like to hate on Todd in this sub but this "format" really is a good/easy way to make the conversation more man-to-woman and not platonic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_k55geMKkU

dreweydecimal · 2021-02-16T02:52:36+00:00

The way I let a woman know I’m into her without it being sexual or physical is I’m inquisitive. I truly want to know more about something she’s interested in. When she speaks I look into her eyes and my interest lies in her responses, and then I find opportunities to complement or add humor to her stories in a playful way. At different points in the night, I may bring up something she told me an hour ago, this way she knows I’m really listening to her. At the end of a first date, if I feel she’s still interested, I always go in for the kiss. This should be enough to say, there is so doubt I’m into you, so if you think we’re just suited to be friends, you know I feel differently.

OnanSocietyPodcast · 2021-02-15T20:41:08+00:00

You don’t have to use physical touch. I rarely touch the women I’m interested in on dates. I like to tease them playfully. The trick here is to balance playful teasing with genuine compliments and interest in them. Usually if I do a good job of this, the female will initiate touch with me.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-02-15T22:38:08+00:00

Are you dating so you can become a girlfriend or are you dating so that you can have sex? Your intent is all wrong. Show a woman you're interested in her but also get to know her as a sexual being. You need to turn the conversation towards intimate topics & feelings. Talking about her dad or brother will kill all sexual intimacy. Get her to share sexy feelings... describe the best kiss you've ever had. Tell me how it feels when you're completely connected to someone sexually... what's your favorite thing about sex? I'm going to let everyone in on a secret: women are like inductive amplifiers. Whatever emotion or feeling you project at them they will pick up and amplify back at you (if they want to). This means that you are responsible for the feelings you wish her to feel. Get comfortable with your sexuality to the point where you don't feel the need to apologize for finding her sexually attractive. If you want her to amplify feelings of friendship back to you then never take things to a sexual or intimate level.

DjCarhorn2 · 2021-02-15T14:57:14+00:00

Do exactly what you feel like doing in that moment, if and when sexual thoughts pop up act on them. Embrace your inner pervert if shes dating you she probably wants you to.

Lostandlonely39 · 2021-02-16T01:04:11+00:00

Don’t give so much away. People are attracted to mystery. Choose about 2-3 things to share casually and keep the rest about the other person. People are more attracted to you when you get them to share or talk about themselves. Wait to share more personal details until you’ve built a strong foundation.

Jhadiro · 2021-02-15T23:05:50+00:00

Plz read the book Dating essentials for men. Take notes. All your answers are there. It's the nice guy dating book. I prefer the audiobook version.

BronzeInABush · 2021-02-16T05:44:55+00:00

My guy if you are on a date half the battle is already won. The other person clearly likes you enough to give it a try and see if you vibe. Being flirty is about pushing boundaries in a fun way. If you ever feel like she's uncomfortable then take that as your cue to back off a bit and go back to comfort. It's like when you are going into the deep end of the pool for the first time. It's fun and scary and if you need to you can swim back to the railing, but don't ever stop trying to get to the deep end again because of it. Maybe wear floaties next time.

But if you wanted something more concrete you might want to talk about sexual experiences. This will move you a little further away from the friend zone. Something I do when I'm in my head is to literally tell the girl that I'm in my head. I tell her how anxious I'm feeling and how nervous I am. You will be surprised how effective honesty is. The point is to connect and even connecting from a place of nervousness can trigger great chemistry. Just lead and she will follow.

Admirable_One6045 · 2021-02-15T23:52:44+00:00

That’s a really good question, I’m not even sure how i flirt, but maybe touch or like a flirtatious joke always does the trick.

svclimber · 2021-02-16T03:35:32+00:00

I actually had a first date last night where I think the guy suffers from this same issue you’re describing. I really liked him and he seemed to like me a lot going into the date from the texting phase but by the end of the date I felt like he was trying to signal that he’s not interested anymore. It turned out that wasn’t the case, but I had to ask him, since it was that confusing. The conversation was nice, and he’s a considerate guy but it literally could have been a business meeting with how impersonal it felt. So I’d recommend paying a subtle compliment or two on how your date appears - pick up on something that required effort like that she styled her hair or wore a nice dress. Offer to walk her to her car after the date. If she doesn’t want that she can say no, but if she likes you that’s a more private area to say goodbye (hug, kiss, no physical contact, whatever you’re both ok with). Either way it’s better than an awkward goodbye at the restaurant in front of a bunch of strangers. Maybe bring the conversation back at some point to the dating profile or context in how you connected with her in the first place. If you pay for the meal that’s an opportunity to indicate that it’s your pleasure since you had such lovely company (or something along those lines). Anyway, hope these tips help in a future situation. They’re just some that came to mind but I know it’s not easy to be flirty without the risk of saying something creepy. But making the interaction a little more personal than a business meeting should be a safe way to get the ball rolling. Good luck!

justdoitstoopid · 2021-02-16T04:39:07+00:00

If you’re physically attracted to a woman and have actual sexual feelings towards her and are still not escalating it then you are ironically not being yourself which is why its unattractive

Neil1398 · 2021-02-16T05:50:04+00:00

I feel like you’re in a good spot. Keep doing what you’re doing tbh. She wants to see you again.

Anything else is just overthinking. I’m not sure what you’re trying to lead to but think about the end goal.

To answer your question I mainly tease girls which you somewhat did calling her a cougar.

I say don’t overthink you got this.

Upmybuttpleasesir · 2021-02-16T17:31:58+00:00

I think you’ve kinda answered your own question.

You are not on a date to be friends, you are there to enjoy the possibility of mutual attraction.

You say you like talking to people, but you were not there to focus on talking to the person.

You are there to focus on the mutual attraction, yes?

Then do that.

Touching is a good point, and I think it’s definitely a way to express interest.

But I think the biggest point is what you yourself have underlined: tension.

How does such tension come about?

It’s the dynamic between you.

You were looking at her and asking ‘ would you/like to?’

And she’s looking at you thinking the same thing.

This is the tension: the question in the air...

Focus on that question.

When you are looking at her have that question in your mind as your eyes are fixated on her.

Ask it with your eyes, and your intention....

Friends don’t do this, right?

Title	On dates I often act intensely platonic.
Author	Compromisedsoups
Upvotes	171
Comments	35
Date	February 15, 2021 2:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lkev7q/on_dates_i_often_act_intensely_platonic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/on-dates-i-often-act-intensely-platonic.1509891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1509891

Comments