Sexualizing 101 ?

recyclablebanthas · 2017-12-10T15:51:16+00:00

Easy things that people overlook, which give you information about her openness to escalation with you, and get you started down the road:

Testing her space bubble. Edging into her personal space and seeing if she makes the adjustment to get her space back. Does she move her leg away from yours to maintain distance. And so on.
Safe, non-sexual touches that you could engage in with anyone, even guys. Arm jabs, shoulder, outside of the arm stuff, high fives, etc. Any sort of contact (or expectation of contact like when you put your hand up for a high five) will force a reaction from her as to how much she likes contact with you.
Her reaction to incidental or accidental contact. You can't plan this one, but sometimes you'll bump up against her or something, and her reaction might tell you something.
Overall, it's key that you pay attention throughout this process. You need to be aware of her reaction to you being in her space, or physical contact. It's the only way to know if you are welcome to do what you're doing, or if you should make adjustments.

gregory2112 · 2017-12-10T19:12:02+00:00

Getting a kiss close is actually really simple if the energy is there and it sounds like it was for you.

All you have to do is PAUSE at an opportune time. A lag in conversation? don't try to fill it, give her solid eye contact with "sleepy" eyes or strong focus as if you are trying to see fine detail. hold for a few seconds then look at her lips and back at her eyes (slowly).

She will either look away if she's not ready (or super shy), or she will hold your gaze if she is ready. you can usually see the look of anticipation. Then go in for the kiss!

It's your first one, so make it special. kinda slow and light, pull back a little, if she moves with you then give her some more, but I always try to leave them wanting more, it builds anticipation for the next kiss and ultimately the next move.

yeahnahimgood · 2017-12-10T17:15:16+00:00

The sexualization part is hardly about what you say to her, it’s about how you touch her (and how attractive you are to her, obviously). There’s a lot of material about this, the escalation steps and the yes/no/maybe calibration are worth getting familiar with.

This is probably my weakest point, but one thing I found to be crucial on dates is how you sit. If I sit across from the girl and there’s a table between us, it’s almost impossible for me to start touching her in a natural way. I’m basically limited to her hands which is too much to start with, and too little to close with.

So what I started doing is to either sit immediately next to her (ideally at an angle), or, if it’s the first time I ever meet her I’ll sit across first, but once the drinks arrive I’ll find an excuse to move next to her (“I can’t hear you bla bla”). From there it gets easier to follow the steps.

king_kay_ · 2017-12-11T01:31:23+00:00

I thought about it a few times while I was with her, but... I didn't want to ruin the feeling that everything was so natural.

You have to be bold. If you're thinking about it, she's probably thinking about it too. But the problem is, you're over thinking about it. You're too outcome dependant. Focus on having a good time and the rest will follow.

Physical escalation, as with all things comes with practice from experience.

First, start with the eyes. Guys always overlook this (no pun intended). It starts with the eyes. Hold them (don't stare) and try to communicate with them with subtleties. That's where the chemistry and sexual tension comes from (check out the old school triangular gaze).

Next, GET CLOSER. Get within her proximity. Sit/stand next to her or in front of her (within arms length). Obviously gauge her comfort level. If shes comfortable, you're practically in already. It makes it wayyy easier to kino and escalate.

As a newbie, you can make any excuse to hold her hands. E.g. Comparing hand sizes, keeping hands warm, checking out her rings/jewellery etc. But if you're bold enough, you just start holding them without excuse or permission, just look at her and give smirk. Want compliance? Squeeze them gently, if she squeezes back, very good sign. If she doesn't but does not let go of your hands, still a good sign.

Remember a push/pull dynamic. You don't want to hold her hands or touch her all the time. Push every once in a while to prevent neediness and see if she initiates anything too. If you want to go advanced, try this with kissing too. Just as you're about to kiss her, stop 3/4 of the way and tease her. Not only will she flip, she will ache for it more.

And lastly, what are you talking about? I hope the context is sexual. You need to instill the imagery in her mind of you fucking her and that's best done by talking about it comfortably with her. Lean in and whisper in her ears the dirty things you want to do with her.

If she rejects your advances, it does not necessarily mean its a problem, you just haven't pre-heated the oven enough yet.

So don't be butthurt about it. Control the frame, continue talking about something else and act as if it didn't happen. Physically escalate again, then try kissing again after a few minutes. If she still rejects you, rinse and repeat the stages above. But obviously: "NO!" means no. Don't want to be liable for sexual harassment/rape claims now.

Miscellaneous old school moves that has been preached in like forever:

Pick her up (from the waist)
Spin her (like in salsa*)
Pick her up AND spin her (pick her up from her waist and spin your body round).
Interlock both your hands with her, and just manipulate the movements (pull her in towards you quickly or push her away suddenly).
Put her hands behind your neck

(*) Learn salsa or other latin dance, it will make you more comfortable with touching women in general.

WiiWynn · 2017-12-11T03:23:16+00:00

Buddy, I got you. I do this all the time and it works.

You have a good vibe going. You’re exchanging conversation and you’re gazing at her eyes as she’s talking. Right mid-sentence, interrupt her and say something like this...

“I’m really sorry. I can’t focus at all right now. I have to ask, may I have a kiss?”

And be confident at this. Like it was a rhetorical question almost. She’ll get caught off guard, not being to assess it rationally because she’s expecting it at the END of the date. If she says yes, you’re in of course.

The only other answer I’ve gotten is, “why?”. My replies have been usually something like, “Because we can. And I’m really liking you right now”.

If you lack the confidence, then she may say no. Because you were asking. The key is to almost be ‘telling’ her without being a creep of course. Just confident and dominant.

That’s it. It seems to work for me. Now, I haven’t figured out how to close the night with high percentage regularity quite yet, but I’m like 99% on the kiss. It works.

AdequatelyHung · 2017-12-10T21:40:20+00:00

Are you doing at least 200 pushups a day?

DirkDieGurke · 2017-12-10T20:26:03+00:00

You've easily reached the level of comfort necessary for a k close. The shoulder to shoulder contact is actually a very good sign. You could go for hand holding, hug and kiss at that point.

Good luck

circlhat · 2017-12-11T19:45:26+00:00

I was once with this girl who had a boring look on her face, thought she didn't want me, but I decided to make a move anyway, and invite her back to my place, she agreed and we had sex.

but It never felt natural to even start sexualizing/escalating beyond the light hand touches and leg poking

It seems you're nervous and truly don't want to offend or upset her, You want sex but not to the point where she experiences any discomfort, and you don't mind waiting, you're more than happy to have a extra 30-40 minutes of conversation to ease her in.

This is your main issue, to resolve it you must admit to yourself what your true goals are and stop compromising them despite main stream media women aren't going to report you for trying to make a move. Very few women actually say no when I make a move on a date, by the time she agrees to a date she has already put you as a potential fuck, 90% of the battle is won.

The jump from normal conversation to sexual is quite difficult if you aren't use it, I get to know a women because I want to see if see is right for me, not because I genuinely care about her and that is a freak, Therefore I invite her back to my place, kissing in public can be unconformable I usually start physical.

I don't think I can make out with a girl in the middle of star bucks the setting is important too

zbf · 2017-12-11T01:00:26+00:00

Hijacking the thread to ask: What should I respond with when i compliment a girl and she says "🙈"

UnchangedUnmolested · 2017-12-10T23:20:23+00:00

If you get to a point where she has her hands on you as much as you do on her, stop talking, look into her eyes then down at her lips and kiss her. simple.

Title	Sexualizing 101 ?
Author	Ttawsdt
Upvotes	101
Comments	50
Date	December 10, 2017 2:21 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7iu4px/sexualizing_101/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/sexualizing-101.1438239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1438239

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