I learned something this week that changed the way I approach getting laid from dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are what I use)

Hopefully this isn't too boring or specific. I wish I had read something like this at the beginning of the year. It would have changed things for me.

I've been in the game for about 4 years now, and this year I found my quality and frequency of lays drop significantly. Women seemed less interested, less talkative, more busy, etc. For reference, This year (through the end of NOV), I had been on half the dates as my average, and had about 37% less dates resulting in sex than average. I keep track.

I tried different pictures, different bios, and switched up opening messages, but nothing really moved the needle... Until this week

Looking back over the years at conversations that led to meeting up, the common thread was that the girl was talkative. I have theories as to why women are less talkative now as opposed to before, but that's for another post. I found myself investing much less in women who weren't talkative (one-word replies, taking a long time to reply with minimum effort replies) and chalked it up to non-interest. This proved to be wrong!

I wanted to end my dry spell, so I tried something new. I was going to just "shoot my shot" and talk as much as I could, and just keep pushing for a date. And holy shit, people. It really worked!

This week, I went on 2 dates (one was an 8, the other was an 8.5), both of which resulted in sex. But, both women were classic not talkative on the dating apps. Both wen similar, but this one just blew my mind. Looking at one conversation (hinge) with the 8.5:

She liked a photo, no message

I open with 2 sentences. A compliment and asking where she moved here from

She answers 1 sentence sayings she's "kinda from here"

I sent 2 messages, both multiple sentences. No response

next day I ask another question. she responds with a closed sentence no question to further conversation.

I double text again and get 1 sentence response

then back and forth for a while with short responses, she's taking a few hours to respond each time

some of her responses:

"lol nice"

"lol its all good"

"lol"

"haha"

"nice and yeah"

but she agrees to meet up. I was seriously thinking I'd been catfished. But then she shows up at restaurant for dinner.

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She's incredibly nervous and not that talkative. I decided to be what I thought at the time was delusional and interpret that as "she was nervous because she found me attractive", so I opened up to her and told her I too was nervous. She calmed down a little.. Still not laughing, smiling, or leading any conversation.

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Surprisingly to me, she agrees to get drinks afterwards and we bounce to a rooftop bar. We sit off in a corner with not many people around and I decide to escalate even though she's still considerably closed off from what I would usually interpret as sexual interest (not really laughing, smiling, or holding eye-contact). I put my arm around her and play with her hair and she puts her head on my shoulder and says "I like that". I was in disbelief.

I escalate to making out and after about a half hour goes by, my "shoot your shot" rule kicks in and I suggest she "meets my dog". I get a "some other time" so I go back to talking and escalating. I ask again and get the same response. "shoot your shot" wasn't done, so I suggested we "get away from these people" and she agrees. I walk her to my car (she hasn't seen it yet, it's a fancy car), and I open the door and tell her to get in. she does. I couldn't believe it. My plan was to drive towards my house until she objected. Since she decided to give me road head, she didn't have time to object. When we got to my house she laughed and said "I thought I told you this wasn't happening". I told her we could go back any time but she should at least meet my dog first. She said "that's fair" and that was that.

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The crazy thing about this is that from the one word delayed responses, to the nervousness, to the objections to coming home with me, there were so many points where typical me this year would have given up, thinking there was no way anything was going to happen. But I was wrong. Sometimes, you just have to shoot your shot and keep going for it.

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Obviously, never force anyone to do anything... but don't interpret hesitation for disinterest. Take it one small step at a time. If she's responding (even one word), if she agrees to go to location 2 for drinks, if she kisses you back, if she follows you to your car and gets in... keep going.

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Both girls have since met up with me again.