Should you Keep it Real as a Loser?

aeturnus95 · 2026-02-22T18:22:30+00:00

”I want to become a confident man. But it is a really long road, and may take years.” That is the culprit. Your mindset. The truth is that you start today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today. And that is as long as it is going to take. Don’t improve in a hypothetical future. But now mate. Right now. Or create a vow for yourself, that tomorrow you will be a changed man. And you will change your life. It is not even a matter of seduction or girls here. You need internal stability, direction and purpose.

dismalprognosis · 2026-02-22T19:08:45+00:00

Yes, being a poor, jobless, drug addict who doesn't take care of himself will be a turnoff to any girl. That said, pretty much every negative you said about yourself is changeable, much of it within 6 months. You're 29, not 86 on your deathbed.

Invest the money you spend on weed into a gym membership, figure out a solution for your hair (look into minoxidil/finasteride, look into hair transplant, or look into hairstyle that works or shave it off), get what you're eating right so you lose fat and build muscle, get a basic grooming/skincare routine, buy some plain black and white tees from target, get a pair of regular blue jeans and black jeans, pick someone/a few guys on IG who have a style you like and just copy their outfits using cheaper items from target/Zara/shein/Uniqlo/boohooman, figure out your job situation or consider going back to school in a field where the ROI is acceptable, get into therapy and consider seeing a psychiatrist. Also, make the decision today to stop thinking of yourself as a loser.

You can be a completely different person in 6 months from now, at which point, you can have much better success with women. Yeah, being 5'6" will be a negative, but most women are short anyway. A good friend of mine is shorter than that and his gf is hot. The only thing I would caution you about is being forthcoming about the hooker. Assuming you didn't get any STDs from her, it might be a big turnoff and you're not really obliged to disclose it to a future girl.

hssspoks · 2026-02-22T18:58:36+00:00

One thing at a time. Start a sport, a gym routine, or anything that gets you active. Then consider quitting weed, it's a full time job if your addiction is bad. That gets you pretty far already.

ProfessionalGoat551 · 2026-02-22T18:14:57+00:00

You make your reality brother. You’re only a loser because you see yourself as one.

For years a lot of men in different spaces preached gym, money, and etc.

But the most important part is inward. We spend so much time focused on outward things we neglect inward gains.

External gains are AMAZING. What good are external gains when you are anorexic inside.

As I’ve gotten older I realized something. Internal gains might be a little more important than external gains. Keyword I said little, because I do to an extent understand the importance of the initial attraction before you even say a word.

Build up your internal. If you GENUINELY see yourself as a king or demigod. That energy will project outward. A man can have the muscle, decent money, and clothes but if he feels like Bruce banner inside and not the hulk . That energy will project outward and he will falter. Yes he will INITIALLY attract a lot of women, he may even get laid a lot based off his looks, but ima tell you now. The women he ACTUALLY wants will sense that small presence and lack of confidence.

You have to train your mind, build your inner. When you only focus on your external, you are shorting yourself.

Your mind is your greatest weapon and enemy.

Eloyoley · 2026-02-22T20:48:52+00:00

Transform yourself, yes, but when you interact with women should reframe with bullshit confidence every trait of you. It's not a lie, every one create a good image to show.

AdministrativeCan139 · 2026-02-22T22:07:11+00:00

With all the work and change you have ahead of you, women should be you last/least concern.

Get everything else in place and by the time you meet a girl who is into you, you won't even need to ask yourself this question because the old loser guy is already an image of the past.

Focus on the important things.

RoundAd5751 · 2026-02-22T18:14:33+00:00

I'd just tell if they ask directly and then be honest about it. If someone likes you the give you some more chances with sex e.g. Before they make a decision and from what you have told about you probably won't even attract the girls who have sex as top priority. Play the long game or get into multiple hookups, but that's also a point when the relationship topic starts. Thoughtful and clever women know and can understand

You can get hookups, someone probably says yes. On parties if you have cracked the being fun code and are in the moment. But there you don't find those girls for relationships mostly.

I'd just say I needed to work on myself first and then in the meantime nobody I have vibed with came by and as you can see I am not that extrovert to meet that many women. I also am big on the vibe thing. Something.around those lines.

Appropriate-Froyo106 · 2026-02-22T19:06:38+00:00

you sound like a pretty cool dude. i’d make some GOOD friends and just build from there. you’re stable and that is something a lot of people don’t have. make friends, keep doing you and your job and take care of yourself. you’re not a loser lol you have a degree.

jimmybanana · 2026-02-23T05:12:57+00:00

Do what Constanza did on Seinfeld and just tell the girls the truth and he got heaps of a$$ 🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅

focus_flow69 · 2026-02-23T06:16:35+00:00

You should keep it real with yourself first and focus on fixing your life first instead of worrying about girls and how they will perceive you.

They will perceive you exactly as you perceive yourself. So until you put in some work, be real with yourself and start seeing yourself in a better perspective, I'd suggest you stop worrying about girls. I understand you want companionship and love, but the more you chase and focus on external things to yourself, the further it becomes out of grasp.

Focus on you. Figure out what you need to do and then spend your time and energy doing it. Repeat for at least 6 months, prove to yourself you actually put in the work.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2026-02-24T23:33:15+00:00

Ok I'll keep it real with you bro. At your height dating apps are a fools errand. If you're truthful about being 5'6 you will either get literally filtered out or instant swipe left.

So assuming your cold approach game is solid enough to actually get some dates, no absolutely don't tell them you don't still live with your parents and smoke weed all day. Even if she's in the same position. Remember women always expect and want to "date up". If you're not there yet, either keep it to yourself and fake it til you make it or you just keep focusing on self improvement.

Quartrez · 2026-02-22T18:56:16+00:00

Who says you're a loser? Anyone calling you a loser isn't worth keeping around. And if you're calling yourself a loser then you need to change your mindset. It's easy to compare yourself to more successful people and put yourself down, but at some point you have to stop trying to be other people and... well, be your best self.

It's important to strive for improvement if you're unhappy with certain aspects of your life, but I think we can fall in a trap of perpetually moving the goal post and being in a constant state of feeling like we're not good enough to be loved. It's a fine balance between recognizing what YOU want to change about your life, but also accepting yourself as you are right now and letting yourself open to other people (women) getting to know you.

Don't stay on idle romantically just because there's room for improvement in your other spheres. You will be surprised by just how many years can go by wasted.

Back2theCouture · 2026-02-23T01:17:49+00:00

So my question is; do you think I should tell the truth to a (potential) date?

Why worried about telling all this to your (potential) date? We don’t improve ourselves for other people. Quit worrying about others and what they might think of us. If you think that you should change then start doing it today.

Yes I agree with you it’s a long road. But you end up being in this situation ALSO came from the long road you chose to take. You don’t just become what you are now as of sudden.

It’s like people being 20-40 lbs overweight for example, that took months or even years of trashy diet. Then some people be like “oh man I don’t wanna change my diet if I have to do it for months or years if that’s what it takes.” Well you just don’t wake up one morning and find yourself 20-40 lbs overweight.

Honest_Bruh · 2026-02-23T02:54:31+00:00

Quit weed immediately. Go to the gym. And get your shit in order. Do this so you can be happy with yourself! Don't worry about the women until for the time being until you are happy with your own path.

NameTooCool · 2026-02-23T21:12:20+00:00

How much to boost me from Silver 2 to Gold 2 on PS5 Val

lfg141 · 2026-02-23T22:30:47+00:00

shoot your shot always. It don't matter. I seen and read about all kinds of guys unemployed. lives with parents, etc that still get laid. Who knows what women are thinking, Some may care, some won't. It's all a crap shoot

MrTerno · 2026-02-24T22:26:16+00:00

I don’t usually recommend coaching (most of them are clowns) but in your case I think getting coached by FitXFearless or coach Kyle doesn’t seem like bad advice

Title	Should you Keep it Real as a Loser?
Author	Hot_Walrus1396
Upvotes	37
Comments	34
Date	February 22, 2026 5:58 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rbsldq/should_you_keep_it_real_as_a_loser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-you-keep-it-real-as-a-loser.1574028 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574028

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