A lot of guys are terrified of approaching or escalating with women because they are worried they will be seen as creepy. These guys have usually read too many feminist blogs that say that men should never approach a woman they don’t know. That’s bullshit. Don’t fall for it. Approaching women works. It may not work every time, and it may not work immediately, but if you approach enough women and learn from your mistakes you will eventually get something. And women will not take the lead and escalate, so you need to, and part of escalating is taking the risk that you will come off as creepy. Just own it.

If you accidentally push too hard or do something creepy or overly aggressive, you can roll it back later and keep the interaction going. One mistake usually will not sink you (if it does she probably would not have liked you anyway). Most women dismiss a man as “creepy” only after he has been acting creepy over a sustained period of time and making her feel uncomfortable and scared – a single approach or conversation is rarely creepy on its own.

Please be careful – I am not telling you to be creepy. Creepiness is extremely unattractive and can cause you to blow it. In a perfect world you will never do anything creepy and you will never come off as creepy. But if the choice is between accidentally doing something a little creepy and just standing in the corner by yourself all night and never approaching anybody, I would rather you be a little creepy. I would rather have you in the game and losing rather than not be in the game at all.

And stop letting women define what is creepy and what is not. Women often misjudge situations and they often wrongly write off guys as creepy because the guy looks a certain way or she has a history of being approached by creeps. You cannot worry about what a woman is thinking in her head because you cannot read her mind. All you can do is develop a set of objective rules for yourself about what you think is right and wrong. Most importantly, you cannot let womens’ reaction to you define your self-esteem. Your self-esteem must come from your life, your accomplishments, your potential, and your soul, not her validation.

Theoretically, creepiness is emotional overinvestment and you emotionally overinvest in somebody when you do more for them than they have done for you. Practically, it is difficult to know exactly what to do because you cannot read her mind. How do you know how emotionally invested she is? How do you know when you have done too much? Because these things are hard to figure out in the moment, you should “assume attraction” and push the interaction ahead until she makes crystal clear she is not interested or when it is clear that you are giving much more than you are getting back. If she is talking to you, she probably thinks there is something interesting about you. And if she is talking to you even though she has no interest whatsoever, that is her own problem not yours.

Finally, a key point of game is weathering awkwardness. When you first approach a woman there is often an air of awkwardness because she has no idea who you are and there is a chance you might be a creep. You have to be patient and ride out the awkwardness by just acting confidently and waiting until she feels calm and comfortable around you. If you lose your nerve at the first weird look or dismissive gesture you will never get anywhere. But again, once she has made it clear she is not interested, you need to move on.

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