The seeming controversy over first dates being dinner. (Help)

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-08-08T09:06:06+00:00

If it works for you, then thats fine.

But there a lot of dudes who experience utter frustration in dating generally, and dinners are a part of their game.

Those guys need to completely change transform their game, upgrade their mindset and learn some basic dating skills.

For those guys, dinner dates should go out the window. Because for them, dinner dates come out of the mindset and strategy set that is failing them.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-08-08T12:13:44+00:00

Instead of suggesting dinner the next time you are scheduling a date, just say something else. I've done rooftopping, pinics at the beach, hiking, bowling etc.

Excellent-Archer-238 · 2025-08-08T16:17:51+00:00

nothing wrong with dinner if you go to a casual place. Expensive dinners or fancy restaurants are bad.

UnkemptGoose339 · 2025-08-08T18:10:08+00:00

tl;dr: by not doing dinner the first date you're effectively screening girls that are looking for a provider type transactional relationship. You're avoiding awkward long dates where you don't like each other and just leave. Basically wasting your time and money. And you're making it more flexible where you can start by playing pool, move to get drinks at another bar, and maybe grab a bite to eat somewhere else. Making the first date more fun and more dynamic with the movement that gives you the opportunity to show that you can lead and be decisive.

There's nothing inherently wrong with a dinner date. The issue that's almost always the case on a first date is that you don't know this person yet. It's a matter of screening for both parties really. What if she doesn't like you at all? What if you can't stand her at all? I'm assuming this first date scenario you have never met each other and are looking to see if you like each other. Dinner is a time, money, and effort commitment of at least what, 45-90 minutes or more?

Now, if you've been talking on the phone, face timing, and texting for weeks and you can tell that you really like her, then sure, a dinner date is fine. But really even then the in person chemistry could be different.

The dinner date itself also somewhat infers that you by yourself aren't enough and you need to buy a woman dinner and drinks(I'm assuming you're taking girls to somewhat fancy places and not McDonald's or Chillis) to compensate for your lack of worth. This may be entirely untrue, but the inference is there and it may be true, so she may perceive it to be that way. And if that is the case, then you can kiss attraction goodbye.

Aside from all of that, there are many things that can go wrong on a first date just in general, and just kill attraction for either party. Therefore it's a good idea to start with something low committal or at least fun like playing pool, drinks at the bar, mini golf, etc. These other dates also let you express yourself by standing and moving around, and the ability to build physical tension by getting close to her and moving away from her. Dinner dates are typically static and you're sitting across from her. If you have great conversation skills and have no problem holding eye contact and not being nervous and holding your frame, then you should be fine. Most guys have trouble with one or all of the above things I mentioned.

Lastly, there are some girls who insist on you taking them to dinner. I would avoid these girls entirely.

I will do a dinner date the 2nd date or when I know she really likes me and I like her. Would not recommend for a first date.

So to recap, by not doing dinner the first date you're effectively screening girls that are looking for a provider type transactional relationship. You're avoiding awkward long dates where you don't like each other and just leave. Basically wasting your time and money. And you're making it more flexible where you can start by playing pool, move to get drinks at another bar, and maybe grab a bite to eat somewhere else. Making the first date more fun and more dynamic with the movement that gives you the opportunity to show that you can lead and be decisive. Venue hopping makes it feel like you're doing more on the first date and like you've known each other for longer as well. Playing a game like pool or pong or shuffleboard makes it an interesting challenge, especially if you're good at those games and can teach her how to get better. You can also make a playful bet like loser buys drinks, or if I win I get to kiss you.

NicoDl · 2025-08-09T07:48:03+00:00

Dinner isn't bad and the suggestions here are good.

My take is dinner as first dates should be tacked on something else if at all. I usually go with coffee first then second date is "insert event here" + dinner after.

The event should be something you really enjoy that she might be interested in. You get to show off your passion and nerdiness while creating mutual experiences to talk about during dinner. I found great luck w museums tours or light showsthen dinner after. Also plenty of opps for casual escalation, which will be difficult across the table during dinner.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-08-09T16:14:04+00:00

As a general rule, I typically avoid weekends as a first date options. Always try to schedule a first date Tuesday - Thursday, but I suppose Sunday evening is essentially the same. Not as high pressure or risky as sacrificing a Sat night to hang out with someone you don't actually know yet.

As for dinner, I also usually avoid this option. Never make reservations or go to a place with table service for a first date. Been on over 400 first dates in my life and almost all of them were just drinks at a casual bar. If it was going really well and we were hungry we could order some tacos or whatever at the bar/restaurant or go to a spot around the corner.

Also I always picked a place within a few blocks of where I lived and didn't drive. This can only really work if you live in a happening part of town like the bar district. Encouraged her to take an Uber and they usually didn't have a problem with this. Even if she drives, nbd but absolutely don't both drive there as it basically eliminates the chances of her coming over to your place at the end of the night since you both live far away.

Best of luck man.

Fair_Entrepreneur686 · 2025-09-10T16:44:25+00:00

Dinner dates are stupid. If she were attracted to you, why would you need to do it?

Matter_Still · 2025-08-08T10:20:42+00:00

There is no controversy, except in the minds of those devotees who think pickup theory is the only way.

If a woman is attracted to you, you could take her to a flea market or the Four Seasons.

I am constantly amazed to find how complicated some people have made dating. For at least a hundred years, it was simple: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, girl says "yes" or "no". If it's a "yes", you get her phone number and tell her you'll call the next day.

What could be easier?

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-08-08T14:59:58+00:00

If you're doing a date in the evening and especially on a weeknight after work, most women pretty much unofficially expect to be taken to dinner as they're hungry and probably haven't eaten since their lunch. That's perfectly normal. That's not to say you have to, but I'd imagine they are expecting some food.

Title	The seeming controversy over first dates being dinner. (Help)
Author	FALSECHARLATAN
Upvotes	6
Comments	20
Date	August 8, 2025 8:00 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1mkpald/the_seeming_controversy_over_first_dates_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-seeming-controversy-over-first-dates-being.1559127 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559127

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