Tons of matches and first dates through Hinge but no relationship yet. Dejected and depressed.

norwegiandoggo · 2026-01-31T19:23:48+00:00

Are you getting second dates? If the answer is NO, then your first date aren't going as well as you think. And you should absolutely work on your behavior. Because you can't change your ethnicity, height, or what other men are in your city.

Focus on your behavior. Are you having sex with these women or not? If you're not having sex with them on date 1, 2, or 3, then you're not doing that well date-wise.

llv0xll · 2026-01-31T20:19:28+00:00

How many first dates are “quite a few”?

First off - don’t get discouraged (this is coming from a white guy, but I’ve dated outside of my race many times) and you didn’t share you ethnicity, but that insecurity needs to go - if a girl doesn’t give you follow up because of your skin color, you dodged a bullet. My wife and I have plenty of married and dating interracial couple friends. Edit to add: her friends are white girls with interracial husbands/boyfriends

You will eventually match with a girl that all of those things will be a non-issue, or even a turn on for. She may even be just as frustrated and almost over it as you, ready to give up.

Based on what you’ve said, you seem to be doing it right. I would advise to continue letting your dates flow naturally, show up with zero expectations. Remember, if you’re looking for a long term relationship, you’re scouting for a best friend (so is she).

TallandSarcastic · 2026-01-31T20:54:43+00:00

This is what happens on any dating apps. The conversations ratio is so low

afterthought871 · 2026-02-01T03:05:43+00:00

Why would it be height/ethnicity if you're getting a first date? That makes no sense

schroedinger11 · 2026-02-01T03:45:59+00:00

@OP what’s your ethnicity ?

Turbulent-Mail-5311 · 2026-02-01T03:45:37+00:00

Provide more insights of how the dates go.

emeline209 · 2026-02-01T21:06:27+00:00

"escalating touch" ew. Stop that. What a gross way to show women she's an object. Welcome to 2026, level up and learn how to court a woman.

Height is irrelevant. You're there to engage, get to know each other, ascertain compatibility. Not for smex - unless you've explicitly told her that and she's looking for more of a hookup.

KevinLuWX · 2026-02-02T00:01:35+00:00

I used to be mildly socially awkward with mediocre convo skills and I still got 2nd dates 90% of the time. If your success rate is lower than that then it's one of these 3 things...

There something about you or something you do that is a turn off.
You're not nearly as physically attractive in real life as in the photos. Could be a looks issue or you lied about your height.
Your date has decided on someone else or no longer pursues a relationship. This happens less than 10% of the time. So your issues is almost certainty 1 or 2.

For starters, adding 2 inches to your height is a lot and particularly noticeable when you're short. Have you gotten your exact height measured without shoes? I meet many guys who are 5'6 that genuinely believe they're 5'8 because they have a friend around their height that claim to be 5'8. Add another 2 inch on top of that and that's a 5'6 guy claiming to be 5'10.

Girls can tell the difference when short guys lie about their height... So much so that I've received words of appreciation for being truthful (I'm 5'8 and half, I put 5'9 on my dating profile). Being honest about your height will get you less first dates but more 2nd dates (which is what matters).

If you're very deliberately trying to please girls, that can come across as inauthentic or lacking confidence which are both huge turn offs. There's a difference between a gentleman and a kiss asser.

Someone inexperienced like you should NOT even be thinking about physical escalation on first date. It might be the biggest reason why you're getting rejected. Pros are able to escalate on first date because they're very quick at establishing the vibes/safe environment that opens the door to escalation. Those who lack experience might take 2 or even 3 dates before there's any real opening. If you try to physically escalate before that it can feel creepy for them real quick.

thesockson · 2026-01-31T19:51:51+00:00

It's about finding the right connection, not just the match.

FearInoculumTool · 2026-01-31T21:58:27+00:00

Your problem is clear as day to me. You are trying to please these women and get on with their program. You are chasing them and wanting something out of them (sex, approval, relationship).

Stop that. Stop trying to get them. The next time you go on a date, make it super low effort, like drinks at a cocktail bar. On the date, stop being thinking t about touching them, being funny, witty, etc. Actually, on the opposite - I want you to take a slightly skeptical view of the woman in front of you. Look at her and say to yourself “okay she’s attractive what else?”.

Do you even have a list of what you are looking for in a woman? Do you know wha you want? If you don’t know what you want, you won’t have anything to screen her for, which means she will be the one doing the screening and you won’t like it. Do you have any rules for women? If not why not? Get on it asap.

Treat dates like an opportunity for her to prove yourself to you. If you are looking for a gf, then you need to be asking questions like: how long was your last relationship, do you like to go out and party a lot? Do you do drugs and drink too much? Are all your girlfriends single? Again, what are you criteria for a girlfriend?

Treat every girl like a potential candidate for the position of being a girlfriend. She has to earn becoming a candidate and then to just remain a candidate she has to prove herself in and out of the bedroom, etc. And maybe then, maybe after dating her for several months, might you even begin considering making her your official girlfriend.

Another tip. Cut your dates down to two hours tops. Have one drink, maybe two, then tell her you need to go, you have other previous plan. Cut the date short even (especially) when it’s going well.

Why? Leave them wanting more. Women want a challenge. Someone they can pursue. If you are Mr goody two shoes trying to kiss her ass, you are no challenge at all and she won’t respond to your calls or texts. Leave an hour and a half into a date and she will wonder if you like her and if she did something wrong. Then she will be the one reaching out to you.

WhatsTheAnswerDude · 2026-01-31T22:59:14+00:00

If you get that many matches on on app its NOT your ethnicity thats the issue, its your vibe. If height is showing on the app girls are picking you regardless so unless youre hiding that, height isnt the issue.

Almost without a doubt its likely coming down to your vibe or like insecurity or lack of connection while out.

Nonetheless as overs have said, if youre doing that many first dates and barely getting past that your issue should be focusing on why you dont get to a second date at all.

NOT sounding like a douche here intentionally at all but like Im pretty sure ive had like 95% percent of my first dates all end up in sex typically. Im fine with waiting until the second date but usually NEVER wait til the third date....thats WAY too 90s for me personally.

HIGHLY recommend doing a call before meeting up with these women at all to verify the vibe and ensure its there before EVER meeting. Almost sounds like the dates have no electricity to them or excitement or adventure. Ive recommended to SO many guy friends to do that because it establishes a LOT of comfort and vibe overall before EVER meeting and lets the girl know youre gonna be super into each other by the time you meet....versus doing the whole, getting to know each other/basics when you first meet up. Think about how dull that type of conversation or such would be to be a women putting herself out there. Youre SO much better doing that over a phone call than doing that in person. I think in the last ten years ive ONLY ever met someone without doing a phone call/conversation like once. My success rate is extremely high nonetheless and its in part due to vibing over the phone FIRST instead of doing those boring interview/getting to know each other style of dates first. I cant even REMEMBER what the hell thats even like and it would feel SO weird to me. Im later 30s and would wanna know its even WORTH giving up my time to spend time with someone like that first rather than just giving it to them and having NO idea we're actually genuinely into each other or not.....screw that.

Id also HIGHLY recommend getting up on your humor. Ive said it for years as well but i think humor became WAY more viable and a greater weapon of value within the assortment of attraction for men to use, since the pandemic. Life has gotten more insanely almost nihilistic and dark in the last five or six years. Furthermore, if a woman knows the guy is funny or has the same sense of humor...its IMMEDIATELY disarming for one....but also is a PHENOMENAL place or thing to utilize for the foundation of the connection. Not because youre some clown and thats ALL you have....but that despite anything that happens....the BASE you are STARTING from is one thats fun.

Women wanna be on an emotional journey....not something dull, boring, average or just doesnt make them feel alive.

Im not sure you're awakening that within them.

Also, saw some of your comments, stop lying about your height on the app. I understand in part why doing so but you also cant cite the app giving you so many matches when lying is a part of why youre getting them man....sorry.

orangee099 · 2026-02-01T02:06:48+00:00

wow, I live in Seattle, and its hard to get any matches let alone actual first dates. If your this successful at getting first dates and still have no success, then I am truly f**ked.

justaregularguyearth · 2026-01-31T23:05:12+00:00

It most likely because you aren’t white brother. White men have it on easy mode while other ethnicities have to work 10x as hard.

Title	Tons of matches and first dates through Hinge but no relationship yet. Dejected and depressed.
Author	notanicegai
Upvotes	22
Comments	49
Date	January 31, 2026 7:21 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qsbj6y/tons_of_matches_and_first_dates_through_hinge_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/tons-of-matches-and-first-dates-through-hinge-but.1572410 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572410

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