Redditor from Fayetteville, AR.

There are some very common misconceptions about self-love, and the true concept of it is not widely understood.

Self-love is not about actively trying to love ourselves. It doesn’t work. If it did, the self-help industry would collapse in an instant.

In my own words, I’m reiterating the following tree example made by Matt Kahn, a public speaker and self-help guru.

Imagine an apple tree freaking out about itself being an apple tree. “Ah!!! What’s going on??? There are apples everywhere! Now they’re falling and they’re feeding the animals! This isn’t supposed to be happening!!!”

Do you really think that something as natural and as effortless as an apple tree is going to be freaking out if it were conscious?

Fuck no.

An apple tree is a part of nature. It is naturally occurring. Its presence in this world is completely effortless and harbors no resistance at all to its existence.

Want to know what else is a part of nature?

We are.

We have a wide array of emotions ranging from severe depression, to high states of happiness and ecstasy. We are capable of feeling both of the extremes and everything in between.

If what we’re feeling or thinking is naturally arising, why is it wrong?

Let me ask you that again.

If what we’re feeling or thinking is NATURALLY arising, why is it wrong?

Self love is not something we practice. It is something we are.

“How do we know if something is natural?”

If it’s happening. It’s natural.

We cannot control what we think. We cannot control how we feel. We cannot control thoughts, emotions, or anything else that goes on inside of us. (note: we can control our actions, but that’s about it).

The following words that Matt Kahn reiterates at the beginning stages of radical self-acceptance: “It’s okay.”

If you feel sad, it’s okay. If you feel hurt, it’s okay. If you feel attracted to someone, it’s okay. If you want to speak your mind, it’s okay. If you feel depressed, it’s okay. If you feel anxious, it’s okay.

Want to know who else uses those two words? Parents. Good parents to their children will use these words to acknowledge the child’s feelings. Acknowledgement is the key. Emotional neglect or manipulation is poison to a child’s personality.

In doing this, the simple act of just ALLOWING/ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the internal state usually resolves the negative emotions, and the child is able to move on to the next moment. Any resistance to an emotion like sadness, for example, will only exacerbate or amplify it.

We’re all just a bunch of kids in adult bodies.

Whatever emotion it is you’re feeling, that's what you’re allowed to feel. But the irony is that once you given yourself permission to feel something, it usually dissipates or goes away. It's like entering a pleasant room with a couch, food, and a fireplace; if someone locks the door to the room, you desperately want to get out. But leave the door open...and you won't have the need to leave at all.

The only time it’s not okay to “allow” is when you start physically hurting other people. That’s not okay.

When you move on to the “advanced” stages of self-love/self-acceptance, you’ll no longer have to repeat “it’s okay”. You’ll simply know it’s okay, and it will be as if you’re watching yourself from a third person perspective.

Self-love is acknowledging whatever your natural state wants to be in, be it feelings, thoughts, or anything. When you do that, your state will change to something more positive all on its own WITHOUT effort.

The most important word in this post:

Acknowledgement

It is the light we use to dissipate the darkness of suppression, and allows for expression to occur effortlessly.

Acknowledgement in itself is the heart of fearlessness.

"I am seen. So here I am."

Have a good week.