What's Wrong With Me?

PyouA · 2012-03-04T03:36:30+00:00

As someone in your age range, I can say that if I never kissed a girl I would be much more terrified of success than rejection. I try to kiss a girl and she stops me, so what? I try to kiss a girl and she is into it, NOW WHAT? Am I doing this right? Is this weird for her? Should I be doing something with my hands? Should I be trying for more? Should I be stopping soon? Should I return the lower lip-bite thingy she is doing or is that only for girls? Should I try and kiss other parts of her? Her Neck? Her ears? Is that weird? Is she even enjoying this?

Seriously, I would have a fucking heart attack. When you are 23 most girls will have some experience so I would be afraid to screw something up. Even if you read everything there is to read, trust me, a girl is going to know pretty quick how much experience you have once things get physical. I know I can tell with girls. And this is just kissing, forget about when things get more passionate.

If you are seriously afraid of getting rejected, you are looking at everything all wrong. Getting rejected is pretty simple and will be done with class by a gentle and compassionate girl. She'll think what you did was cute, perhaps flattering and will do her best to guide you down for a gentle landing. Whatever ego-shattering nightmare you have dreamed up that will cause you to go into a bout of depressive introspection will never happen. I've been rejected in some form or another probably hundreds of times and I have to give the girls credit on this, every time, it has been done with nothing but class.

So as long as you aren't a raging asshole that is intentionally trying to be hurtful or acting like a complete phony, you have nothing to worry about. Just do your best to share yourself with her. At the end of the day she will care much more about that than how much experience you have anyway, especially if you are a quick learner.

I'm not sure how helpful all this is, but I've found a lot of times changing the question is easier than changing the answer. Get out there and talk, meet people and share your gifts with the world. You have nothing to lose.

READMEdotTXT · 2012-03-04T03:40:07+00:00

I was a 22 yo kissless virgin. One year later I've hooked up with 5 attractive girls, lost my v card, am comfortable talking to (and more importanly being rejected by) girls. Its doable. You need to make changes, big changes, uncomfortable changes. Hit the gym, talk to people everywhere, do volunteer work, get new clothes, talk talk talk, read interesting books, meditate. You gotta create a need to become charming, and you need to fuel your power to raise to that need. Create the need by talking to girls and failing, fuel it by improving yourself.

iznou · 2012-03-04T04:16:44+00:00

The newbie mission:

1) Get yourself showered and dressed nicely, and go to a place where women are. The mall, a town center, or (my favorite) Whole Foods.

2) Make eye contact with a woman, and if she responds with her own eye contact, or really any response at all, say "Hi!"

3) Smile.

4) DO NOT EJECT. Let her walk away when she feels like it.

5) Talk about stuff, then talk about the differences between you and her, then whatever.

6) Did I mention don't eject?

7) Close. Say "what would have to happen" for you to come check out this thing I'm doing this weekend that I already had planned and would like to invite you along? Or just straight ask her out on a date. Really your choice at this point.

8) Get a phone number, act like it happens all the time and you are a busy guy with his own shit going on (which you DO have right?) and you will make sure to text her later to confirm the date, and bid her a good day and godspeed.

9) Repeat 20 times

10) Have sex. Wear a condom.

GLHF!

A-T · 2012-03-04T14:39:36+00:00

Alright man, brace yourself.

First of all, you got too much on your table to handle. What people are suggesting here is fine and dandy, but change like this is VERY gradual.

People are telling you to go out, walk up to women and do the tango until you land a date. That can work and DO try it if you wish, but don't you think it would be a bit unnatural to take such a leap?

But first. "Graduated from college, good job, nice place to live, fit." Would you say that you're generally successful? And that success has to do with your hard work and effort? Damn right! However the main problem with relationships is that the outcome doesn't completely rely on you! Heck, it's not even 50/50! Do you think that just because you go out, ask for someone's number and get rejected it's your own fault? Most of the time, it isn't.

On your end, wear nice clothing, don't smell terribly, nice haircut, groomed, etc. You need to be relaxed, look like you're having fun and have some light conversation. You already cover like 90%! On their end, they need to be NOT in a relationship, NOT to be broken up recently, NOT being crazy, no relatives passed away lately, NOT too focused on carrieer until their late 30s, yadda yadda etc. (and I imagine you don't approach everyone, it's nice if they are pretty and fit too right?)

You're used to the fact that things won't to go the wrong way spontaneously as long as you focus and work hard. With women, that won't happen. Get into the mindset that EVERYONE gets rejected, and it's probably not their fault anyway.

Well then, let's see what I would do in your place. First off, interact with women. However, you will need to drop your desires and stop thinking about sexing them up or having meaningful relationships. Women get those kind of guys all the time, guys that hand out compliments like candy and expect phone numbers in return. Treat them like any human being and talk to them WITHOUT being concerned with the outcome. Bus stops, shops, malls, etc. You're not here to grab dates, just to interact and have fun. Read up on Opening and Transitioning if you struggle with this. The book Magic Bullets describes them succinctly.

But for all this to work, you need to make a habit out of this. It needs to become part of your life and most importantly, have fun doing it.

But if you EVER read ANYTHING on this issue, I think you will thoroughly enjoy the Book of Pook. It's free. Scroll down to page 7 and start reading the fifteen lessons. You'll see.

WerkinAndDerpin · 2012-03-04T07:22:22+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/vLZIz.jpg

I know, another picture with text. Point is- your fears are completely irrational. You need to step outside your comfort zone to achieve your full potential. This applies for your life in general not just dating and socializing. The next time you're about to not do something that would bring you closer to who you want to be, ask yourself - do I really want to live my life never having kissed a girl?

You're afraid of things that aren't real. Girls want to be talked to. They want to be kissed. The fact that you seem like a respectable young adult and want to improve yourself means many girls would want to talk to you.

I should say that by no means do I have life figured out either but I'm on the same self improvement path that you are. There have been times in my life where I've felt like a leaf floating in the wind just seeing where I would end up. When would I get my first kiss? When would I have sex? Never if I continued to float and do nothing. I realized that's a shitty way to live and needed to take charge of all aspects of my life. The biggest difficulty with social interaction is that you simply cannot predict it. It's vague and ambiguous in it's nature. You need to learn to accept this and welcome all the possible amazing outcomes being social with someone can have. By going in to each one assuming friendship or at least bringing a positive energy will help.

Maybe this rant helped me more than you, but whatever. Good luck man.

Marsupian · 2012-03-04T12:34:51+00:00

You are just way way way too negative. You have to start working on that ASAP imo. There are some great posts around here on inner game (check the sidebar) which is basically lingo for being awesome as fuck. Once you have dumped this useless negative mindset that is destroying you it will be a lot easier to deal with the approach anxiety you have.

If you have the right mindset you don't fear anything because there is nothing to be feared. If a girl rejects you in the most painful way possible you won't feel a thing (besides some amusement maybe) because you know you are awesome (which you really are) and that rejection only showed you she is not a person you would ever want to be with ever. You don't need anyone else to approve of you and you don't give a single flying fuck what anyone else thinks about you because it's the most meaningless fucking thing ever.

btw. The most difficult thing about being awesome is recognizing yourself that you are awesome.

Edit: If you tell yourself one more time that you can't do this shit I'm flying over to wherever you live and punch you in the dick.

szukai · 2012-03-04T13:34:10+00:00

You're afraid of getting out of your comfort zone. This is huge for everyone. Even me.

You know what? I want you to find something that's obviously good for you, or just a lot of fun and not dangerous to you in any way (in theory).

Then do it. Step out of your comfort zone and reap the rewards.

Make a giant list of these things. Do them.

Now, if going out to meet women isn't on that list, then add to it. Now it's just another item on the list.

Do it.

motherofmercury · 2012-03-04T21:15:52+00:00

If it's way too intimidating to talk to girls, it's because you want something from them, meaning sex, or a kiss, or a date or a number. So to take the pressure off, try chatting up a dude. It sounds crazy, I know, but it's not like you'll be trying to hook up with him, you'll just be trying to get the ball rolling and realize that social interactions don't all have to be bad! It would also help to get a little, just a little, alcohol in your system to ease your nerves, but not enough to make you sloppy.

Once you have that first positive experience, you'll realize you can have more and more. It's like a snow ball, as it rolls down the hill it picks up more mass and more momentum, but it can't get anywhere at all without you initially packing the snow into a ball and rolling it down the hill.

highstatusmale · 2012-03-05T14:32:05+00:00

Do this exercise: go to a bathroom where no-one can see or hear you, look yourself in the eye and say, "rejection will make me stronger." start in a normal voice. Really look yourself in the eye and mean it. Then say it with more force. Say "the fear is exciting."

Part of the problem is you keep telling yourself (and posting in this reddit) that the rejection is painful and horrible. That has to stop first. Start thinking positively, even if you don't believe it at first. Because so much of what we say about our emotions, makes them true. Emotions follow our thoughts, even if it takes some time for them to shift and come around, they do.

Then, go out and ask some people what time it is, or directions to the grocery store. When you're ok with that, ask some hot women what time it is. Etc. challenge yourself bit by bit. It will be right when you feel a little nervous, exhilarated but not horrified.

You might also consider speaking to a therapist about social anxiety, if you have something like that available.

upanddown5150 · 2012-03-06T21:10:50+00:00

Go out and talk to everyone. Like EVERYbody. Even that fat lady on the bench, you know the one. Be that person for a few months. Don't think about the ultimate goal, just get comfortable talking in your own skin. You'll get there. Before you know it you'll need a stick to keep girls away from your lips. 'stick'

upanddown5150 · 2012-03-06T23:45:54+00:00

Would anyone be willing to mentor me?

Title	What's Wrong With Me?
Author	upanddown5150
Upvotes	10
Comments	81
Date	March 4, 2012 2:18 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qgnl4/whats_wrong_with_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-wrong-with-me.1329375 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329375

Comments