Why do our experiences differ so much?

RubenAndJavi · 2025-07-18T10:46:27+00:00

I'm also a tech dude with Math education. My view regarding money is the following:

- If you have it, it's a small plus. Most women will be more attracted if you have a good career and lifestyle. But it's hardly ever a trigger of attraction. Only for gold-diggers, who you probably want to avoid.

- If you don't have it, it's a big disadvantage. If a woman has the impression that she's richer than you, generally she'll be turned off.

So, kind of like looks, having money makes things easier. But it's not a metric you want to focus on maximizing (not for the sake of dating anyways).

epimpstyle · 2025-07-18T12:22:42+00:00

Confidence (non-negotiable, without it women don't care about anything else)

Everyone has some degree of confidence, there's no such thing as someone who's completely confident or completely without it.

Luck (most women won't be with you no matter what)

Most of the time you make your own luck, it's not like walking down the street, and somehow the perfect woman will stumble, and you'll catch her right before she falls... no way! That only happens in movies. Later in the relationship, a woman sees her partner behaving in a certain way, but he believes he'll change for her. Because of this, the guy gets some time, but eventually, enough is enough, and the relationship ends. That's when all sorts of sad cases you read about in the news start to appear. She won't tolerate it forever if she doesn't like something; it will end sooner or later.

Social skills (without it you won't survive)

Yes, but it's easier if you have friends to go out with; your social skills will develop naturally. Otherwise, it isn't that easy and social skills are super-important.

Money is not even relevant enough to rank

Money alone isn't important but what you do with money is super important. With money, you can create a strong impression by wearing nice clothes and accessories + take care of your skin/ hair implant if necessary or create that "hollywood smile"... etc

It's pointless to have millions in the bank if you're dressed like a bum. You'll have no chance to talk to women, they'll avoid you the same way you avoid a beggar when you don't want to give them money.

Making a strong impression works wonders, and it's tricky because maybe you are broke, but still succeed with women. It is about money (that will help you to make a strong first impression) + charsima (game) + attitude

HomelessMilkman · 2025-07-18T13:59:23+00:00

Confirmation bias.

I've been doing self-development for over 10 years, I've been through hell and back just to walk into a situation, "be myself" and get an overwhelmingly positive response from that.

Other people seeing the result don't attribute it to 'hard work', throwing yourself into the fire over and over, digging up and summoning some willpower to go through the trauma everyone else represses, no. Must be a 'trick', 'luck', some kind of privilege, there must be something you aren't seeing.

None of this is rocket science, you earn respect through confronting your issues and come out the other side distinctly more charismatic and fun than others. Though, you can't sell that; you can sell the glasses, jacket, lifestyle, etc. (the 'shortcut') and the sad fact is that advertising does convince people they can buy 'x' and be more attractive. Whatever it is, isn't sustainable, it's worth a few glances, maybe a compliment at best.

If anything, being rich or privileged in other ways gives you the idea you can circumnavigate pain. That's all this is, people trying to buy, play, rationalize their way out of the only true path; being uncomfortable and overcoming it. The idea that you need 'things' to be attractive makes no sense on any level; that ain't YOU.

Prestigious_Water336 · 2025-07-18T10:39:03+00:00

Certain types of people are attracted to certain types of people. Certain types of women want a certain type of lifestyle. Some women don't care. Some women care.

I personally rank the attributes in this order.

Confidence
Social Skills
Social Intuition
Looks
Money
Lifestyle

This is just my opinion.

The confidence and social skills are what hooks them in. The money and lifestyle keep them hanging around.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-07-18T15:25:51+00:00

Financial security tends to be a much more important criteria when people are on their own. I'm in my 30s and value financial independence and career from a woman way more now than I did in my 20s. Not in the sense that I want to spend her money but that she has career goals, is driven, and so forth. I'm a business owner and need a woman who understands things like long hours and the work grind. Plus, there's not so much of a reliance to be sole caretaker for your partner. My ex-wife was really hot but bounced from job to job and expected me to pay for everything since our salaries were lopsided. She nearly lived like a stay at home mom without being one.

RazmussenDaMan · 2025-07-18T16:30:36+00:00

Assuming your atleast average in looks, Well you see if you have money you have to flex it. Meaning when women say they want a guy that's has money., They are in fact imaging a guy with a very nice house, nice car, Dresses like he has money, and traveling constantly to expensive vacations in Europe etc showing a lifestyle that's is above your average wage cuck. Buying tables at the club with bottle service. Why do you think the night life scene is full of wanna be broke posers and grifters and drug dealers like this who live at their mom's house but drive a bmw m2 out evey weekend.

That's is the aura that money adds because in fact she want to experience that lifestyle too. money buys you a lifestyle. and dating you puts her in proximity to those experiences. Maybe she even expects you to give her that life style on your dime. Now if your a smart guy and are investing that money and trying to build generational wealth and live like a monk so you can fire one day, but live a very boring unsocial life. well that dosnt really translate into sex appeal. Unless she is like a mom of 3 and wanting to find a stable father figure for her kids

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-07-18T17:14:39+00:00

As a guy with a high double digit body count but not rich (just a stable corporate job), my findings are that game (confidence, social conversational skills, charm) and looks are way more important than money.

Yes don't be broke but as long as you can afford to drop $40-50 on a simple date, you'll be fine if you have the looks and game.

And of course for the super looking guys in the top 10%, they literally don't need any money pretty much. Sluts will agree to have sex with them before even meeting up on tinder and all. So no need to even take them out for drinks/food.

I'd say I'm about a 7 in terms of looks and 9 in terms of game. The majority of my lays have happened on the first or second date, which is usually just drinks at a casual bar. Don't think I've ever had to have a proper sit down dinner date or spend more than $100 on a woman before having sex with her for the first time.

Matter_Still · 2025-07-18T10:48:39+00:00

Your experience mirrored mine. Except where the culture was radically different--in the Middle East or Asia--you are right: mate selection is similar insofar as there are no absolutes that apply. The failure of "pickup" is that it assumes constants, which are non-existent.

As an example, confidence is NOT essential at all times and in all places. First, it's an abstraction; specifically, it's what linguists refer to as a "nominalization"--a process turned into a noun. Second, it cannot be quantified. How much confidence gets the job done?

The same can be said for social skills: what is considered appropriate in the U.S. may be a lack of social skills in Japan. And, what skills are we talking about?

It's astonishing that before anyone ever heard the word "game", with all its mandates, that any guy could get laid. How was that possible with "negging" and being a masterful storyteller?

Pluglord · 2025-07-18T11:02:45+00:00

Different levels of skill and attractiveness. The more attractive you are the easier they will make it for you. And vice versa.

Thierr · 2025-07-18T14:14:44+00:00

Attraction and seduction s mostly an emotional affair. If you're completely cut off from your emotions or don't have emotional maturity it will be difficult

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-07-18T16:09:54+00:00

Because everyone is born different and have different experiences growing up. So some people are naturals therefore their experience is different thaan some they struggles a lot. Also therefore their advice will be a lot different. Usually bad lol. So just have to understand people

burncushlikewood · 2025-07-18T22:29:51+00:00

I think certain men like to paint a picture of them having success and women being easy, in fact it's becoming increasingly difficult to meet a partner, women are tough, always have been, especially in modern times, things are hard, I've seen so many videos of men getting instantly rejected even before they open their mouths. These guys have style, looks, game and still women reject them, I honestly believe one of the most important aspects to having success is to find the right girl, the ones who will hear you out and give you their time. The ones who are down to earth and grounded, and don't get discouraged or jealous, the men you think aren't doing as well as they would like you to think

gilthekid09 · 2025-07-18T23:09:41+00:00

Depends on your age range for dating & what type of work you attract. Generally there a women that care more about money than others but also when women want to settle down Financial security becomes more more important too then from my experience

Lonevoyager81 · 2025-07-19T04:47:45+00:00

It's just the fact that having money let's you have or do things women find attractive.

VarietyFinancial8263 · 2025-07-19T05:53:35+00:00

It’s not about the amount money specifically. It is how generous and thoughtful you are with what you do have.

Title	Why do our experiences differ so much?
Author	bebop_spaceboy
Upvotes	8
Comments	33
Date	July 18, 2025 10:23 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1m2ynjc/why_do_our_experiences_differ_so_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-our-experiences-differ-so-much.1557472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557472

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