My wife and I have been married for 23 years and have 4 adult kids together. Increasingly our relationship has deteriorated such that she has moved out to our second home a thousand miles away but sporadically returns to “check on the kids” (the 18 and 17 year old are still in high school and live with me. She will fault find and then stir up drama with me or kids and the leave again. I have considered undergoing couples counseling again but we have already tried it twice without long term changes. I’m not sure whether the issue is an insecure attachment, such as a fearful, avoidant attachment disorder, or whether I am dealing with an issue akin to a narcissistic/borderline personality disorder. I would say based on testing that I have a pretty secure attachment can be a “people pleaser/ codependent” because I don’t like conflict. Marriage has always be tough for us and basically we have placed our issues on the back burner while raising four children. Now that the kids are nearly grown and we are facing an empty nest, our issues have resurfaced with vengeance. Any suggestions about the idea of trying an intensive couples counseling retreat?