"Bad Person"

James_Jimothy · 2024-05-09T07:39:09+00:00

Your BF is going through a really difficult time in his life mentally, financially and emotionally. Be a soft place to land for him and try not to make it about you.

Throwaway-weary · 2024-05-08T07:44:19+00:00

Are you dating my STBX? He says this to me often 😂

WartimeDad · 2024-05-07T22:57:24+00:00

Excuse me ma’am but this is a Wendy’s.

serenesweetpea · 2024-05-07T22:54:17+00:00

Was he married in a church?

fives_gw · 2024-05-07T21:39:49+00:00

Another key point here is OP's entirely misplaced assumption that being emotionally upset going through the experience of a divorce implies a person is somehow not appropriately over their ex or past relationship (and that's grounds in OP's view to fault that person as somehow betraying some duty owed to her as the one now being dated?). Demonstrates OP's nearly complete lack of understanding of the huge number of ways divorce can be stressful that have zero to do with any ongoing desire for one's ex or their past relationship.

But don't take it from me, or some divorced men on this sub, take the same point from a reply to OP's same questions on Am I the Asshole, reproduced below in full:

"Y[ou're]T[he]A[sshole].

A divorce is a huge life event and is considered one in the top 10 most stressful things that someone can experience in their lifetime. Changing jobs is also on that list.

He is going through a lot of personal stressful changes that has absolutely nothing to do with you! He is allowed to feel bad about the divorce - who wouldn’t?! No one plans to spend the rest of their life with someone and then enjoys going through a divorce. It’s completely normal to feel guilt, self blame, anger, sadness, self pity, and many more emotions during a divorce.

It’s your job to be there to support him and ask him how you can help instead of pushing him for answers to stupid questions.

If you can’t handle these emotions that he is going through with the divorce, then don’t date men who are still legally married."

ColdCriticism7079 · 2024-05-07T21:05:01+00:00

OP should just delete this while she has time 💀💀

fives_gw · 2024-05-07T19:15:15+00:00

Like, what is your question? Are you on the spectrum? The stuff you're asking about, and how you're articulating it, seems like basic-human-relations 101, tbh.

Divorce is hard as fuck and devastating as fuck, especially, typically, for men. It's absolutely nothing like a garden variety breakup, to the extent that's your closest frame of reference. It's like a death of someone in your immediate family, except they also get to take half your resources too. And they likely chose to betray what you thought was a lifetime commitment (and benefit financially from that betrayal) in the process. So worse in that way than a death -- because you lose a hell of a lot more financially, and the other person (who vowed to be your closest ally for life) chose to do that to you. For a man, like most, who earned a disproportionate share of the resources in a marriage (thanks gender roles!), that fucking stings, and it's absurdly unjust to the breadwinner in many many cases.

Couple that with dealing with likely some adversity in career at the same time (another big part of many men's self image and sense of self-worth) and you have a perfect storm for making a guy feel like shit. Inadequate. Like a failure. Just shitty.

So what do you do? I mean, that's up to you. Not sure what your point is about whether it's "your place" or obligation to help or support someone you're in a relationship with or not? That has nothing to do with divorce. It's pretty obvious that the person you're seeing is (quite understandably, given the circumstances) dealing with a difficult time in several foundational aspects of his life. So, uh, you can either support him in the usual and fairly obvious ways anyone supports anyone else through hard times or.. not do that, at your option? Like, what kinds of questions are these?? I feel like I'm explaining Human Interaction 101 to an intentionally obtuse robot or something.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-05-07T18:29:06+00:00

Maybe he’s getting taken to the cleaners like most of us men in here, we’re always told to not show our emotions or feelings or toughen up, but there comes a breaking point

Title	"Bad Person"
Author	Useful-Shake-1527
Upvotes	0
Comments	51
Date	May 7, 2024 6:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cmimgh/bad_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bad-person.1517776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517776

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