Can't get past it

ABrownLamp · 2020-01-09T14:34:56+00:00

Let me give you a different perspective. Had the same thing happen to me. No cheating. No abuse, and after a few therapy sessions it was clear lack of communication was our downfall. In my estimation we def could have fixed it, but she was done. Spent months lamenting what I could have done differently, reminiscing, doing all the other sad shit im sure you are doing.

Unfortunately for my stbx she has no legal rights to this house, and only makes, idk, maybe 35k per year, so theres no way she can replicate the life I've provided for her and our daughters on her own. So I allowed her to stay in the house and save money so she could eventually afford her own place because I couldn't bear the thought of being without her. It's been a year now, and let me tell you after about 6 months of living with a woman who makes it clear she isn't interested, no sex, no touching etc, I'm unequivocally ready to move on. Like, I'm at home right now and she's getting ready for work with the door closed so I can't see her change like I'm some creep, and I just want her to gtfo here. Just waiting until the end of the month because she made some big plans for my b day and then I'm filing.

But anyways, this is what it looks like when you actually continue being married to a woman who is committed to not being with you. It fuckin sucks. Our ex wives are different people. People we never would have married. One day I hope you'll see and accept that, brother. Good luck

warrior_up · 2020-01-09T14:37:38+00:00

Hey Brother, understand - those feelings change and will grow less and less overtime. Your perception/lens is still holding on to hope and romanticizing what you thought you once had. In time you will grow towards acceptance and although it never stops all together - eventually there will be a day(s) that go by where you don't think about her or your fairytale marriage that ended in divorce.

Once you start seeing her for who she really is, a quitter, and someone that made a decision to walk away from her marriage and her husband - you'll realize there's noting you could have done differently. Let her go try and replace you, you work on you and know that this process takes a ton of being tough mentally and a ton of patience. It'll fade away soon enough. A lot of these woman just walk-away because they're board in life and/or feel that they only have a few years left to live out some weird reality television fantasy. Its all based on raw emotion - not common sense or real world scenarios. All she's focused on right now is the attention she's getting in her new role and staring character as the newly divorced MILF. Trust me, that shit ends - the "you go girl" support network of divorced woman fades away and then one day she's sitting at the bar with her 5th post-divorce boyfriend realizing that the grass wasn't greener. Not something for you to worry about though

The heart heals itself over time, it's quieting the mind that's the key to recovery. Keep yourself/your mind busy...keep reading, keep posting. Hang tough bro

Twiz75 · 2020-01-09T14:19:49+00:00

I’m really sorry. We never really know exactly what was going on inside the other person when they decide to leave. You’ll never get completely over it. I’ve been divorced for almost 5 years now but it will hurt less over time. Focus on yourself. You’re in the best possible situation to move forward and sounds like you have a lot of positive things going for you. Don’t give up!!

EmCee311 · 2020-01-10T03:10:27+00:00

My issue is she made me feel like everything was my fault, literally everything. My rational mind knows that it wasn’t just me, we mainly had communication issues which was mainly her problem, but I accept some accountability there as well. But man, it’s hard not to obsess over every little mistake I made or something I said. Woulda shoulda coulda..she seemed to be calling all the shots in the end, never even got to say goodbye to her or my dog. My mind is my own worst enemy most days. Sucks..

2020-01-09T16:12:25+00:00

The advice given here is excellent, superb and totally on point. I could not add anything to it so I'll just say I appreciate what they've said and confirm it all good luck to you.

Particular_Band · 2020-01-09T20:59:41+00:00

Thanks for all the support everyone

Curiouslywastingtime · 2020-01-09T15:43:33+00:00

How about you make 2020 the year of YOU! The new job is good for you. How can you grow within the organization? Have that talk with your management and set goals for that. More job satisfaction and income will allow you to expand eg., a vacation

Finding someone new is never easy. Look for networking events Meet Up and things like that.

Get a new hair style

Put yourself out there is social activities...events, bars with Corn hole or darts or pool.

The lack of communication in your past relationship is not something you want to repeat...list your interests and find someone that shares some of them.

Maranus · 2020-01-09T16:23:37+00:00

I feel you 100%. I struggle every day to not think about my wife. I’m moving into my new apartment right now and I should be excited instead I’m thinking about her and she’s not thinking about me at all.

Its really cruel and we think we get married for life and it turns out women really don’t. DM me if you wanna talk I’m six months into the process and we’ve already signed our final divorce papers.

jeffrrw · 2020-01-09T20:02:09+00:00

I'm still in thick of it and it ended badly but I have the same problem at times. Try reading up about codependency to get some ideas about how to get out of the mindset.

Title	Can't get past it
Author	Particular_Band
Upvotes	22
Comments	25
Date	January 9, 2020 1:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/em9yue/cant_get_past_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-get-past-it.818801 https://theredarchive.com/post/818801

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