Edit: Added DARVO

Whose life is his behavior primarily affecting?

Are his behaviors negatively affecting his life? He can’t hold down a job, can’t get himself out of bed and be an adult, can’t make friends, acts out aggressively at others, or destroys his own stuff

Or does his behavior primarily affect YOUR life and YOUR wellbeing? You are drained, you feel like you're walking on eggshells, you have high anxiety, your world becomes smaller, your life has become harder, you're more confused, etc.

If your life and your wellbeing is what gets affected, and he says:

“I was just stressed, I didn’t mean to say that”

“I’m sorry I was just triggered”

“It’s the addiction it wasn’t really me”

“I’ve been really depressed lately”

“I just get uncontrollably angry, I won’t do it again”

“I love you and never want to hurt you"

Or anything DARVO - *I suggest looking more into DARVO as it can be extremely insidious

"I never said that"

"You're just being insecure"

"You made me so angry and I wouldn't have done that otherwise"

"You're the one that did [xyz]"

Then he is also GASLIGHTING you.

The only acceptable answer is "I disrespected you, I hurt your dignity, and I'm sorry. I clearly need to work on myself before being in a relationship. You deserve better." And then actually follow through. Spoiler, he won't ever say that. An abusive man will not tell you the truth.

*Note: If his behavior primarily affects his own life, then that is still a red flag that he's not ready for a relationship as it can indicate mental health and immaturity issues.