Q4Women: Would you date a single father?

2018-08-04T15:50:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2018-08-04T15:18:08+00:00

I would have, prior to meeting my partner. I was a divorced single mother though. (I did not find it true that I was undateable, incidentally.)

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-08-04T15:34:40+00:00

i did date at least one. i dont care about the single father aspect, but when i was young and dating i had less than zero affection for or interest in kids and didnt want to be anyones mom let alone a strangers child so it probably wouldnt work out

GridReXX · 2018-08-04T16:13:15+00:00

It’s a headache. Would never recommend unless you also have kids. Or you’re 35+ and you’re dating divorced people with kids.

But if you happen to fall for a guy with kids make sure he and the child’s mother are copacetic Co-parents and the financial support is clear. I have a family member who married a guy with a spiteful mother of his child and now his new wife has to pay his child support. Yikes.

Also make sure you’re okay playing some sort of role in the kids’ lives. Typically you will have to. Can’t just be a ghost who’s fucking their parent forever lol.

If you’re not okay with any of the above and you know it will stress, annoy, or frustrate you abort mission.

planejane · 2018-08-04T17:18:57+00:00

Only if he were a widower. For two reasons.

One, if he showed good judgement-picked a good woman, good wife, and good mom, and they treated each other well and were happy until life took her, that shows the kind of man he is in a marriage/co-parenting situation. (As opposed to a history with a harpy cunt drug addict etc. whom he couldn't stand but accidentally knocked up cause he didn't wrap his shit).

Two, I love kids but I hate mama drama. I don't want to have to worry about planning my life around some other woman's location, schedule, preferences, and issues.

I love kids, and I wouldn't mind being a stepmom, but I could not manage structuring my life around the blended family stuff with someone else shrieking in my ear about how I fed her kids or managed their screen time or took them to soccer or a thousand and one other annoyances. I'm acting mom or I'm not.

2018-08-04T15:42:02+00:00

Very very unlikely, but the guy would have to be really something special. And willing to have more kids.

2018-08-04T16:48:35+00:00

nope.

2018-08-04T15:27:07+00:00

Depends on how old they are. Young kids no.

woefulwank · 2018-08-04T15:38:24+00:00

No. I wouldn’t date a man with kids, period. Unless were over 45 years old.

killallthenarcs · 2018-08-04T18:19:02+00:00

In this scenario I'm in the age demographic that this subreddit mainly concerns itself with, the under 40s?

A young woman who is not a single mother can do better than a single father. It is unlikely I would choose to date a single father.

2018-08-04T17:33:13+00:00

No, I'm child-free.

lalabats · 2018-08-04T19:45:00+00:00

I couldn't do it if they were young kids that his ex had custody of. I would want kids of our own, and I would want our kids to have their fathers full attention/commitment/monetary resources. However if he had full custody of the young kids, or if they were grown and on their own, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Luckily though, I don't have to make this choice as I'm already married. Actually broke up with my first BF because he found out he had a kid with some chick he dated a couple years back. For the record, I was only 16 at the time.

Theseus_The_King · 2018-08-04T16:10:43+00:00

Perhaps later on in life, when I have the means to help him support his kids. I’d be comfortable with starting a blended family, and I’d raise the kids he has with me and his kid as siblings. But now, no. I understand that by accepting him I’d accept some responsibility for his kid, which I’m not really ready to do.

2018-08-04T16:41:57+00:00

I would.

I'd really only hesitate because of the baby momma, not because of the child. I would feel like the baby momma could have incentive to treat me like an enemy, and it would just suck to be stuck in that situation.

OUcommawinkyface · 2018-08-04T22:08:59+00:00

It would be a massive hit to their RMV in my opinion.

To start with assuming the mother is somewhat present the relationship includes a third partner who I'm now accountable to. I get attached and getting attached to kids you have no legal claim to is risky at best. A responsible rather won't introduce you to the kids until things start being serious, if the children are impossible for me to get along with, that's a serious time and emotional investment down the toilet. I wouldn't want large age gaps between siblings, but I also wouldn't start popping babies out after knowing him for 5 minutes and a recent break up would be off-putting.

I think relationships between half siblings are worse when there is a large age/power gap.

shoup88 · 2018-08-04T23:08:37+00:00

I’d say it’s a yellow flag but not a dealbreaker. Depends on the man, depends on the kids.

2018-08-05T02:57:24+00:00

Probably not. I am childfree, and I don't want to have to deal with children on a regular basis. I might make an exception for someone whose youngest child is already in their mid to late teens, but that is highly unlikely for someone within the age range I currently date.

2018-08-04T16:27:37+00:00

In theory yes, but there would be additional hurdles and requirements that factor in.

Is he a good dad? Is he civil and respectful with his ex? What are his intentions as plans as it pertains to me and his kid(s)?

I wouldn't feel comfortable casually dating a father. We would have to be proceeding with the intention of building a long-lasting partnership. I don't think it's healthy for kids otherwise.

2018-08-04T17:22:49+00:00

At this stage of my life (20s) probably not. In my 30s-40s? Maybe. It really depends on my life situation. I don’t have any kids yet so naturally I don’t know that I want to be a step mom.

2018-08-04T17:32:50+00:00

Imagining a hypothetical scenario where I am single and either never met my husband:

I wouldn't mind the kid(s), thought I'd rather date someone with less baggage. If he is 100% over the mother and has little to no contact with her then maybe. With little to no contact I mean she ideally cut off all contact and lives in like a different country with 0 interest in ever coming back, or she's dead and somehow both him and the kids are over it.

I'm sure I would come to love the kids and have a good relationship with them but momma-drama, possible jealousy, and emotional baggage would swiftly sour the relationship with the father for me.

flamingoinghome · 2018-08-04T18:03:12+00:00

Sure. I like kids, I want them someday myself. I'd just want to be sure things were sorted between him and their mother.

flamingoinghome · 2018-08-04T18:03:26+00:00

Sure. I like kids, I want them someday myself. I'd just want to be sure things were sorted between him and their mother.

Willow-girl · 2018-08-04T18:42:07+00:00

Only if he were extremely attractive, there was absolutely no baby-mama drama, and I really liked the kids.

2018-08-04T23:40:13+00:00

sure. but don't expect me to play Mom. i don't want kids.

KikiYuyu · 2018-08-04T23:46:22+00:00

Yes yes yes, I love kids!

2018-08-05T12:02:37+00:00

Not at this point in my life, but probably yes if I'm dating at 30+.

2018-08-05T20:07:41+00:00

Only if I was an older divorcee or widow. Not currently.

2018-08-06T03:44:03+00:00

Yes, but considering I’m in my early 30s with kids myself. I would actually prefer to date someone in the same boat as me. If I were younger and without kids, then no, I would not.

thereddespair · 2018-08-06T22:20:46+00:00

father, yeah. but never even met a primary custody case to give a meaningful answer. but I dont see a difference.

RockinSocksII · 2018-08-07T17:53:33+00:00

No. I don't want kids.

poppy_blu · 2018-08-04T15:52:54+00:00

Yes and I have. In my 20s I swore I wouldn’t do it, then met a guy who had 2 kids. Changed my mind.

If i were to end up single again, at my age I’d be dating single fathers. There is no such thing as dating in your 40s and not dating single mothers and fathers.

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JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2018-08-05T18:28:01+00:00

no. i would use him as a sextoy but i doubt he will be after that kind of arrangement. if he is, then yep.

Title	Q4Women: Would you date a single father?
Author	lizardbrain9000
Upvotes	6
Comments	76
Date	August 4, 2018 3:13 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/94jtkk/q4women_would_you_date_a_single_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-would-you-date-a-single-father.261273 https://theredarchive.com/post/261273

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