How "iron" is iron rule 2?

rocknrollchuck · 2019-05-03T14:46:19+00:00

I think what you're really asking here is if you ask her how many past sexual partners she has had, once she gives her answer then she will ask you the same question. This will put you in a position where:

You lie - obviously not what we want to do as Christians
You tell the truth, violating Iron Rule #2
You tell her that it's none of her business/you're not going to tell her/you prefer not to share that. She calls you a hypocrite for asking her and not being willing to disclose your info in return (which honestly is a fair request).

If it were me in that situation, my answer would be something like "I've been sexually active in the past, but I've repented and I'm not living that life anymore." If she's a humble, godly woman then she will accept your answer.

If she presses you and insists on a number and details of your past experiences, then she's not the right girl for you. To be clear: lots of women will not like that answer, but it's actually a good vetting tool for finding a girl that will take her proper place in marriage under your headship. So you're not lying, but you're not disclosing the details either.

RedPillWonder · 2019-05-04T08:46:34+00:00

In another post here about the criteria for a potential wife, one thing was virgin is God's gold standard, and we should aim for nothing less.

I wrote that post, and no, I did not say we should aim for nothing less.

In fact, if you read the post, you'd know that I also said in that same section:

Now, as we all know, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. Or many. And maybe she’s traveled the road from slut to saint and has sincerely repented of her past.

You’re going to need to weigh this accordingly.

Obviously, her relationship with the Lord is the most important thing.

We also know that studies show that women with higher numbers of sexual partners often have much higher likelihoods of divorce, depression, addictive behaviors, and so on.

Just remember, as a general rule, the lower the number, the better.

A virgin is ideal.

But 2 is better than 5.

5 is better than 14.

And so on.

Each of the items are aspects to consider and weigh, because they can affect your future happiness and success of the relationship, but they are not ironclad "if she's missing one thing, you kick her to the curb.

Some men might, others won't.

And for some, it's a matter of degrees.

Let's consider a woman who's not a virgin, and she's had two sexual partners. And another woman who's had 15 sexual partners.

While neither are virgins, some men may factor in the higher body count of the latter woman and weigh it much more heavily in their decision to continue dating/potentially marry the woman.

As far as the iron rules and any other writings, the only thing you should consider ironclad is God's holy Word.

Everything else can be very useful and wise and good guidelines, etc, but you can almost always find exceptions, or at the very least, a matter of degrees on most "rules."

Hope this helps.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-05-04T16:31:31+00:00

I'm pretty sure the reason for this is that detailing your sexual history is a Demonstrator of Lower Value (DLV).

You lose either way if it is high or low. The winning move is to not play the game.

Deep_Strength · 2019-05-04T17:21:42+00:00

My opinion: Knowing her sexual history is more important than you not disclosing yours, especially when you are considering marriage.

The benefits of knowing hers vastly outweigh the risks of talking about yours, and I think it's worth it to be truthful and not beat around the bush to build a foundation of trust.

Usually if these questions come up, they're initiated by you, and they're also a back and forth. I want to know about her past and then she wants to know about mine.

My experience with my wife was similar to /u/TimeTheRevelator . I asked and she told me everything. I asked if she wanted to know and she only wanted to know vague generalities.

I had talked about it with previous dates/girlfriends too, and it wasn't that big a deal.

I can see how it's a big of a deal if you're just trying to sleep with people, but if you're marriage minded and not living in sin there's nothing to be afraid of.

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-05-03T04:34:50+00:00

You’re not under any Christian moral imperative to reveal something that happened before her. Honesty does not necessarily equate to full disclosure. Joseph wanted to divorce Mary in quiet - and not broadcast the whole story as he could have. Those are two different things, and full disclosure is never recommended anyway as it dissolves mystery - a key component in attraction.

Thu Jan 1 0:00:00 1970 UTC

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SkimTheDross · 2019-05-03T09:03:04+00:00

This is the only iron rule that begins with “under the pain of death...”.

Nuff said.

That and there is no scripture to support divulging past sexual encounters.

To the contrary, one could argue something along the lines of Ephesians 4:29 directs us to do the exact opposite — shut your mouth about yourself and build others up.

redwall92 · 2019-05-03T11:46:16+00:00

So ... who'd you tell?

RedPillCoach · 2019-05-15T18:52:38+00:00

I don't see a conflict between Iron Rule #2 and Scripture. Unless i missed that commandment, the Bible has nothing to say about the Husbands duty to disclose his sexual history. Women, of course, have a rather strange 'mark' placed on them which reveals when their sexual history surpasses one and there is OT Scripture about virgins. This implies (and I believe also states directly in the OT) that women are gravely sinning when they try to pass themselves off as virgins and thus lie about their sexual history.

To me this implies that if women have a duty and are gravely sinning when they lie about sexual history then men are as well. This is because it is deceiving one another, bearing false witness, and all the rest.

However, acting in conformity with the truth combined with simply not telling your partner is NOT deceiving or bearing false witness. It is simply refusing to reveal details. If you act to deceive- that is if you pretend to be an innocent, dovelike male who has really had 100 partners then the deception and fraud is the sin, not the failure to reveal those 100 partners.

Title	How "iron" is iron rule 2?
Author	NoFaithInThisSub
Upvotes	8
Comments	17
Date	May 3, 2019 4:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/bk4bye/how_iron_is_iron_rule_2/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-iron-is-iron-rule-2.301305 https://theredarchive.com/post/301305

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