Anyone else struggle making friends?

mannfan9292 · 2017-10-16T22:22:22+00:00

I feel you because I'm also not clicking with a lot of old friends due to fear of judgement. 90% of my Facebook friends who are my age are super-liberal, and although I'll always agree with their political views, I'm feeling more and more alienated by everyone's lifestyle choices. Most of the time my FB feed feels like a pissing contest for who can be the MOST liberal, the MOST woke, the MOST tattooed and pierced, the MOST polyamorous, the MOST triggered, the MOST aware of their privilege... and underlying it, the contest for who can be The Most Miserable.

I know that social media turns everyone into a talking head. Maybe if I met up with them in real life it would remind me of the spark that made me like them in the first place. But if we happened to disagree on something, I know they wouldn't like me anymore, and that's terrifying.

I also have trouble making new friends nowadays because I have no idea how to transition from 'friendly acquaintance' to 'friend'. I've met a lot of cool ladies in the choir I'm in, some quite traditional, and we hang out weekly (sometimes bi-weekly), but I don't know how to ask anyone to hang out one on one.

girlwithabike · 2017-10-16T23:20:29+00:00

Once you have identified women you click with (and this is not easy either) you should treat it not unlike dating. Make plans for coffee or drinks, text, invite her to events she might be interested in, ask questions and listen to the answers. I think we too often believe that friendships just happen. Sure they do, when we are all 12. And social media deceives us on this one too. I make a point to chat with my friends (usually via text) at least once a week and to try and go out and do things as regularly as possible. This doesn't mean weekly, maybe once a month or two. The maintenance gets lower over time but it takes some work to start a new relationship of any sort.

loneliness-inc · 2017-10-16T21:33:25+00:00

Can you think of any flaws I have that I'm not noticing?

No one here actually knows you. Therefore, I don't think anyone can answer this question based on a single paragraph about yourself.

Cock_Klepto · 2017-10-17T01:05:31+00:00

Most likely not you. In today's society it's extremely difficult to make friendships that are on a deeper level depending on age. After a point a lot of people are focused more on their own lives/careers than they are on friends and deepening bonds. Some people grow out of this as they age and as their values change. A lot of them don't because as they chase what they think will bring them happiness they get farther away for the things that actually would, like reliable social connections.

It can also be a case of commitment. Many people find it easier to commit to a job than a person(specifically a friend) because the job offers very tangible reward for the commitment. A new friend takes work that at times doesn't follow any clear rules and can also be a waste of resources. There's also the very real fact that deep friendships develop over a fairly long period of time depending on the individuals. So if you don't have a base of people to try to develop that with who are open to it you're not going to succeed. Flaky behavior(as well as an inability to say no) is also rampant nowadays and that makes things difficult sometimes as far as trying to get to know people.

The best bet would really be to ingrain yourself into a community that you love, like one that deals with a hobby you enjoy and can do regularly, and commit yourself to that. If you're part of a club or group you have more chance of finding people with the same passions. If you put yourself out there in a place where you're likely to meet similar people, eventually you will.

fauxintellectualism · 2017-10-17T02:21:38+00:00

Oh, absolutely. I'm blessed to have 3 sisters and a mother I'm close to, but I do not keep friends easily. Making them is one thing, but establishing lifelong friendships is something I struggle with. I have the same struggles you do of not connecting on a deeper level or feeling I'll be judged. I still hold out for female friendships I can call "real", but I know that my sisters and mother provide just as much, if not more, love and support as a good friendship would.

momtimus-prime · 2017-10-17T00:05:46+00:00

I’ve hesitated to comment on this forum because I’m very new to it and I hope I don’t break any rules here. I’ve just noticed that the women in this forum are very much like my “church friends”.

In the Christian faith, there’s a natural order to the relationships and it’s accepted that men are (supposed to be) the leaders. While the woman’s role is very different, we’re still equal and cherished.

I don’t know what your religious leanings are, but if you’re open, maybe find a good church? You might find a great group of like minded women who won’t judge your more traditional views.

momtimus-prime · 2017-10-17T01:40:45+00:00

Keep looking! “Church shopping” isn’t always a bad thing. You’ll eventually find a church home. I’m 38 and have been married for 17 years. I can see where I’d be hard to relate to for younger women navigating the dating world today... but there are great churches out there with singles groups and you’ll eventually find a good fit.

beaversinthewashroom · 2017-10-17T02:45:17+00:00

Even "church shopping" is hard lol! I'm in the SF bay and it's hard to find a traditional church. Can you suggest a denomination? Haha yeah I love married people, but I too doubt they want to hang out with a 20-something yo.

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-10-17T13:41:35+00:00

I do! I'm horribly shy tho lol. Most of my close friendships are online.

1UPZ_ · 2017-10-17T10:34:15+00:00

join social groups or extra curriculum activities... cooking classes, sports etc. Where common interest people gather.

beaversinthewashroom · 2017-10-19T02:10:46+00:00

I'm looking for companionship, someone like a sister. As long as they are kind, logical, and are constantly working towards being a good person.

Whisper · 2017-10-21T10:13:17+00:00

Shared values are far more important than shared interests.

FriendFrog · 2017-10-17T02:43:42+00:00

The older you get the harder it is to make friends.

Title	Anyone else struggle making friends?
Author	beaversinthewashroom
Upvotes	21
Comments	39
Date	October 16, 2017 9:11 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/76tnxp/anyone_else_struggle_making_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anyone-else-struggle-making-friends.73608 https://theredarchive.com/post/73608

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