Obedient vs Doormat: Contradictory advice in RPW literature

sayin20 · 2019-06-04T05:43:39+00:00

I think it means:

Invest the largest percentage of your time and effort in your SO and relationship, to the extent that he knows you deeply care about him and will always have his back. But, not to the extent that you lose everything else that makes you who you are as an individual. This includes means of happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship (like hanging out with friends or journaling). Because once you do this, and your SO becomes your entire world, you will become oversensitive to his moods. If your SO isn’t happy, then how can you be happy? This will inevitably put a lot of pressure on him to be happy and energetic even when he’s not—because if he loves you, he will try to avoid being the source of your unhappiness. Too exhausting over time. Don’t compromise your ability to infuse the relationship with the positive feminine energy it needs and make “home” a comfortable place.

c_a_l_m · 2019-06-04T05:58:57+00:00

However in the other book - it mentioned that in order to be seen as RPW material you should always have your own priorities interests and life, and dont evolve your world around him.

One way to think about this is risk management.

What you want to avoid is investing a bunch in a man...and then having him leave.

But if you're married to a man, then he has specifically promised he won't leave. It is then much safer to invest in him.

Fascinating Womanhood is generally written for wives.

Kaboomboomboomboom · 2019-06-04T05:48:45+00:00

My understanding is that while dating, you should keep your own life so as to remain interesting. When you’re spending time with your boyfriend, you should focus on him and be warm and patient.

When you are married, you should focus more on your husband. However, if you stay at home or have more free time than your husband, it’s best if you have interests that fill your time so that you don’t desperately wait for your husband to come home.

[deleted] · 2019-06-04T20:07:12+00:00

Currently reading both of these books as well.

Another contradiction I found was the “stay at home wife” and how her responsibility should be raising her children and making sure the house is in order as well as always being her best self for her family.

WMLB specifically says not to be reliant on your mans money and to have a safety net otherwise he feels like you’re dead weight.

However, I have found compromise within the two books. In my opinion it all depends on where the relationship is.

padpump · 2019-06-04T16:56:57+00:00

If the goal in a relationship is harmony.

Then you should not be a doormat. Because then you are passive.

You should also not just do your own thing without taking your partner into account.

Because if everyone does their own thing without communication then there will be conflicts.

You can’t predict everything but if he provides you with feedback. The least you can do is acknowledge it.

LateralThinker13 · 2019-06-10T16:24:35+00:00

Personally, from what little I've read of Why Men Love B*****s, I don't like the book. Maybe it's how it is written, the style, whatever, but it doesn't strike a chord with me. Fascinating Womanhood is solid advice.

I think the better question, regardless of source, is what IS the difference between Obedient and Doormat. And I'll throw a third word in there: Submissive. And here's how I personally define the difference between each word:

Doormat - do anything he tells you.

Obedient - do anything he asks.

Submissive - follow the lead of your Captain.

Very different concepts all of them, at least in the details.

pencilofdestiny · 2019-06-15T19:30:52+00:00

Men just want to know you care, they don't need you to slave for them. It's small things, making plans with him in mind, remembering he likes olives so you put a few in the salad. Those kinda things.

People go wrong when they hold off on affection so not to seem to clingey or whatever. Then you appear ambivalent and a guy cools off fast. If you care and show it and he's not a complete idiot, you're golden.

dreamsynth · 2019-06-18T10:37:01+00:00

Men like to be admired. Make him your number one.

Men also like independence not a ball and chain.

Nothing worse than a woman who is an empty book and one that doesn't admire you.

Best to be a woman with a life and interests. And a woman that admires you.

Title	Obedient vs Doormat: Contradictory advice in RPW literature
Author	xun1
Upvotes	36
Comments	14
Date	June 4, 2019 5:03 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/bwkunp/obedient_vs_doormat_contradictory_advice_in_rpw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/obedient-vs-doormat-contradictory-advice-in-rpw.240755 https://theredarchive.com/post/240755

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