Summary: I filed for divorce in mid September, it started out very hostile, and I thought it could take well over a year and many tens of thousands of dollars to get it done. Yesterday we settled and I am officially divorced. I still have the shirt on my back, and we were even able to have a good laugh in court.

Body: I suspected my wife of having an affair back in August after she went on a business trip (she is a coach). After 3 weeks of snooping I confirmed my suspicions that she was sleeping with another coach. She denied, lied, deflected and blamed me for it. Two weeks later I filed for divorce.

When she received the papers she threatened to not get an attorney, threatened that I am never getting rid of her, and threatened suicide. She said to me "This isn't fair, you have all the leverage." The next night she figured out how to get all the leverage. She pushed my buttons again and again and again until my frame broke down and I lost all control of my emotions. I grabbed her by the wrists and yelled at her, it was all of 3 seconds. She called the police, claiming I choked her and shook her. I was kicked out of my house, and in court the next day facing DV charges. I had a protective order issued against me where I was not allowed to return to the home that I was paying for.

A month later I was back in court for the DV charges. She had still not gotten a divorce attorney at this point either, so that has gone no where. I hadn't spoken to her since that night. I was hoping the protective order could get dropped so I could go to the house and get some of my things, but no dice. The reality was setting in that I might not be allowed back in my home for a long time, while my wife lived there rent free. My head was so twisted, and I was so wrapped up in wondering what she was doing. It was a struggle to start focusing on me. We filed for sole possession of the house and that finally prompted her to get an attorney. There were complaints and stupid arguments that went back and forth between me and her through the lawyers just racking up the bills. She also filed for sole possession as well as alimony and attorney fees. Shit this was starting to pile on for me.

I finally calmed down, recognized that my attorney was just there to keep the bill racking up, and she was there to just make my life a living hell. This is when I finally started to drive the ship that was this divorce, instead of just going along for the stormy up and down ride. We had a divorce court date in early November to address the motions, I told my attorney prior to this to stop bitching back and forth about all the little bullshit that doesn't matter and focus on getting a settlement as soon as possible. The only two major assets were my investment account, and the house, then just a bunch of replaceable stuff inside the house. I told him to write up a proposal for settlement and offer her the house, if she can get financing to pay off the current mortgage and my equity (No way she could with her salary). Also on the day of the first court date, we came to a hallway agreement between our attorneys, we were going let her keep sole possession of the house until the next court date (2 months away, early January), in exchange for her putting money into the joint account weekly to help pay for expenses.

So now with a proposal for settlement in her hand, and a temporary agreement, she was forced to take action with a hard deadline of early January. If she miraculously got financing to buy the house, fantastic, I would walk away with a chunk of change and a huge liability off my balance sheet, while she could drown in debt. However as expected, she failed to get financing, and with the advice of her attorney started seeking a new place to live as she would look bad in front of a judge for squatting in a house she can't afford.

We get to the January court date, by this time she has fallen way behind in her payments to me for helping with the household expenses, I tell my attorney lets hold this info in our back pocket and not demand payment yet. She moved out of the house and it was back in my possession. She left it a wreck, but that's fine, I wasn't financing her life anymore. She also took whatever she wanted in the house, also fine because I can assess the value of everything. Now that she's trying to pay for life on her own, she then wanted to move quickly to settle. We set an uncontested date to be done with everything for 2/4. Settlement discussions really heated up the past week, she nitpicked values of everything she took. Frankly I didn't really care what she took, there was enough left behind for me to restart life with only a few items I needed to replace. I let her have the dog, I recognized the dog has a good life and its not worth spending thousands in lawyer fees when I simply can get a new best friend. However when she started nickel and diming, I threatened to go after rights to the dog, and I also threatened to go after a $4,000 boat she purchased with her money after I had filed for divorce (this unusual expense Is a violation of automatic court orders to not have unusual spending). Settlement proposals went back and forth in the final days with red lining going on between attorneys...thats when I pulled out the other court order violation, she was behind on her payments to me. With two potential violations that could hold her in contempt we came to a final settlement.

  1. No alimony
  2. No claim of attorney fees
  3. We each agree that the division of household items equitable.
  4. We each keep our own bank and investment accounts (BIG WIN for me)
  5. I pay her a one time sum of $6,500
  6. She pays me what she owes me to not be held in contempt.
  7. We sell the house and split the equity
  8. File taxes separately (Meaning I get all the refund from the interest and property taxes on the house, probably will be more than the 6500 I had to pay her.)

All in all, not bad, I thought she was going to get a lot more, but I played my cards right and was able to get out of this for less than $6K and just split the profit on the house with her. We got this done in less than 5 months helping to minimize cost of attorneys. I had to give her back her rings, and while we were in a little room signing our agreements, I gave her the rings, and was completely in Frame and said "Will you divorce me?" as I handed them to her. Myself, the attorneys burst out laughing, even she chuckled. (I knew she missed my humor).

Celebrated that evening by banging one of my plates after my hockey game. Starting out single life on the right foot.

Lessons Learned: Beta me was overly emotional, lost control of my emotions altogether and ended up in bad legal trouble. Eventually I put my eyes on the ultimate goal, "get this over with ASAP." Once I set a goal, got in that mindset and set a path to get there, everything started turning my way. Keep your eyes on the goal guys, even in divorce, just focus on your goals and how to get there.