Help me not grow resentful

AssistTemporary8422 · 2026-03-25T04:37:53+00:00

I think you are being pretty reasonable about your situation. You understand you got unlucky with your height. You have accepted your height and moved on. You understand your feelings of resentment aren't reasonable. But the one thing you haven't accepted are your emotional reactions. Its just natural for the emotional brain to be a little irrational and to feel resentful. You aren't ever going to be able to turn that off. You can look into mindfulness and meditation which helps you live with and accept the emotions you have without getting sucked into them. Or intellectually understand your emotions better and why they aren't correct.

SoybeanCola1933 · 2026-03-25T03:12:29+00:00

What’s your ethnicity? Have you had a girlfriend before? How old are you?

Plenty of short men do find partners, but it’s about positioning yourself in the right environment. Dating apps will destroy your confidence, solely due to your height. That’s why I asked about your ethnicity, age and experience, perhaps there are other avenues you can explore.

DearElise · 2026-03-25T06:15:51+00:00

Yeah I think you’re having a valid crashout and are self aware. Resentment has to go somewhere, if not external then it will be internal, and neither are healthy. Statistically if it makes you feel better short guys are less likely to get divorced and have more sex.

Of course it will be much harder for short men to date, but there’s a huge difference in the chances of maintaining a relationship between dating short guys who are insecure vs secure with themselves. You’d probably have to work harder on your sense of self and inner confidence much more than others need to.

Ironically, the correlation between women preferences and height is that women who place more significance on traditional gender norms are more likely to value height more. So funnily enough going down the rp rabbit hole is unlikely to be a net positive for you, since the archetype of women who would date short guys is more likely to not value gender norms that much. I don’t know what your PhD is in but maybe it’s worth dating in your circle since assortative mating is a thing.

Lastly if it helps give some hope, we live in a time when men are increasingly more valued for their intelligence, kindness, humor, physical attractiveness more than their financial resources. In stable modern environments, science shows women prefer men interested in long term relationships, who have a pleasant personality and good parenting skills. So there’s probably no better time in history for a short man to date than now.

Individual_Card4409 · 2026-03-27T09:19:32+00:00

My younger brother is about my height (5’1) if not a tiny bit shorter then I am- of course there a topic when it came down to jokes- but mostly it was using his name in diminutive with extra layer of cute to it which I’m sure made him self conscious. He enjoyed it as kid but never grew out of it - it was late 90s to early 2000’s so I’m sure this helped in shaping his personality. He was popular with the ladies. His now wife puts her arm goes around him with his shoulder under her arm. Sorry long story but it’s to prove my point- Do not waste your energy focusing on that’s set in stone- instead focus on your personality, focus on what you like about yourself and enhance that. I never notice my bros height because his personality is big. Don’t go over the top to where it comes off disingenuous. Practice with strangers.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2026-03-28T07:00:09+00:00

First: Why does having female friends bother you? Do they say things that make you feel valued?

Second: Have you asked anyone out in the past two years? On a date, a communicated date or well implied date.

With_Peace_and_Love_ · 2026-03-25T10:49:34+00:00

I recently watched a person on Instagram who is missing all four of her limbs (no arms and no legs) and who is also transgender, get married.

People are dealt much worse hands in life and still find partners. You’re going to be alright you just haven’t found your person yet

Also for advice, don’t use apps. Get to know girls in person. I once became friends with a guy at college that I didn’t find physically attractive at all, he was short, over weight, and his face was not handsome. But after 6 months of hanging out I started to develop feelings for him because he had such an interesting personality. I promise you physical looks is not the barrier you think it is with women

creamerfam5 · 2026-03-25T14:34:22+00:00

I mean, the incel thought is the whole 666 claim. That the only guys getting laid are foot tall with six pack abs making 6 figures. You're not really talking about that. You're talking about the reality of being a below average man who doesn't fit the patriarchal society's standards of masculine attractiveness. And it is difficult. But I do know a few 5' to 5'2" men that have had partners. I wouldn't say you'll never be found physically attractive. It will just be less so than other men, and that's a difficulty that people who fall in the conventionally attractive bell curve won't understand.

Maybe it would help to realize most of us have our own shit that makes us insecure. Not every tall guy is also considered conventionally attractive. Not every woman is found attractive. Pretty people are often the most insecure on the inside. Also, studying real science on attraction will help. I found this video to be really good: https://youtu.be/TbW9SXQpNNQ?si=nFMTtEBH_yyarEkG

culturedindividual · 2026-03-25T15:50:09+00:00

What characterises an incel is coalescing around beliefs that actively uphold their own singlehood, treating rejection as confirmation of a fixed truth rather than a temporary obstacle. As long as you recognise you still have agency, you're not there.

Height is a genuine preference for a lot of women, that's just true. But preference isn't the same as a hard filter, and it's rarely the only thing being weighed. Confidence, humour, social presence and how you carry yourself all factor in, and those are things you can actually work on.

The incel pipeline is seductive precisely because it offers a tidy explanation for pain. But buying into it closes doors rather than opening them. Keep working on the things within your control and don't let a fixed characteristic become a fixed identity. I know it's easier said than done, but you've got this.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2026-03-25T23:56:28+00:00

I know an East Asian man who is about your height who married a woman taller than him. So it’s possible.

Also, if it’s any consolation, a sexual relationship is like a second job. So, you aren’t missing much.

Fun-Grocery-3643 · 2026-03-26T01:12:52+00:00

Hey brother, I think you are framing this wrong and have gotten crap advice from these women. I am a men's coach, have worked with hundreds and hundreds of men directly and thousands through my programs, and I also have worked with a significant number of women. I have done large scale surveys of women on what they sort for in men as well.

OF COURSE some women will rule you out because of your height.

But that would be true of race, baldness, bad teeth, fat, or a thousand other things.

MOST women will only see it as one factor in a constellation of who you are as a man.

The one thing you can never get past is this simple fact: Nearly ALL women will rule out a short guy that insecure about his shortness.

The world is full of short, sexy guys who are secure in who they are and get laid like rockstars.

More women are ATTRACTED to PhDs than REPELLED by height. Brains, the ability to do hard work to accomplish hard things... these are huge turn-ons.

Saying, "I'll probably never be physically attractive to someone" is actual bullshit. And one of the main reasons it's bullshit is that there are a ton of women for whom attractiveness has little to do with the physical.

In my survey of women where they rated what they found attractive in men on a scale of 1-10, height was not in the top 10. In fact only ONE physical trait was in the top 10: Great smile. And I think you can see that smile, as a physical characteristic, is also an outward display of an interior characteristic! (Big dick, btw, was second from the bottom).

The top 3 were Passionate, Sexually Confident, Emotionally Open.

Your biggest liability is going to be your confidence, and that is not going to fix itself. (Here's where I'd pitch my programs and/or any other program designed to fix your sense of confidence and worthiness so that you are internally validated by your strong points instead of crippled by your one... er... shortcoming).

And just in case you think I'm blowing smoke up your ass, one of my best friends was a guy named Sean Stephenson. He died recently, an incredible tragedy and loss for the world. But the point here is that Sean was 2.5 feet tall, bald, and bound in a wheel chair. And I'm not going to say he got laid like a rockstar, but I will say that over the decade I knew him, he got laid a LOT and nearly always had a very attractive girlfriend, and ultimately married Mindy, the woman of his dreams, who was the full package: beautiful, brilliant, with the most beautiful heart. And no, Sean was not even close to rich. But... he did have a PhD ;)

And he was a charismatic beast! Charm wins over height every day of the week.

His wife, Mindy, maintains his website, and I strongly recommend you check him out. It was his mission in life to rid the world of insecurities. https://seanstephenson.com/

Title	Help me not grow resentful
Author	Odd-Search-1212
Upvotes	21
Comments	30
Date	March 25, 2026 2:27 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1s2yem1/help_me_not_grow_resentful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/help-me-not-grow-resentful.1576351 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576351

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