Making conversation after a direct approach: how do I stop it going into 'interview mode?'

DANdruff4MEN · 2013-08-15T19:59:53+00:00

Why Ask Why? Shun The Stale Seven Questions

Here’s a little trick for beginners to improve their rapport skills with women: don’t ask them questions. Specifically, don’t ask them the following anticipated questions:

1. What’s your name?
1. What do you do?
1. Where do you live?
1. Where are you from?
1. What school did you go to?
1. Where do you work?
1. How do you like it here?

When you meet a girl, and she’s a tight-lipped sort who won’t volunteer much to help a conversation gain traction, you will feel a powerful compulsion to ask these kinds of filler questions. When you feel that urge, STOP yourself mentally, keep your trap shut, and spend a second or two thinking up some other kind of question to ask her, if you must ask something. It doesn’t matter what question you substitute in the place of the Stale Seven above, as long as it is different and, therefore, unexpected. You could ask “How would you calculate the hypotenuse of a right triangle if your life depended on it?” and you would get better reactions from girls than asking some boring question she’s heard a thousand times this week (if she’s cute).

If it helps your willpower, imagine the claw grip of CH wielding a blackboard pointer and rapping it briskly against your knuckles when you think impure thoughts about the Stale Seven. Such a visualization will coax an idle grin from you, which will in turn arouse the curiosity of your mark. And once a girl is curious about you, her labia begin to flower like a Desert Lily after an August deluge.

Willing yourself to shun the Stale Seven is more than a game tactic to attract women; it’s on-the-go practice for becoming a better conversationalist, a skill that can apply to any situation involving a second human being. When you force a pattern interrupt on yourself, you sharpen your focus and hone your mind to think differently. To think more seductively. Many men complain they can never “think of anything to say” to women, but a big reason for their comatose tongues rests in the fact that their minds still operate under the guidelines of old, intransigent ways. They haven’t yet actively pushed their brains out of the comfort zone. Other people can push you out of your comfort zone, but so can you alone, through deliberate concentration on sidestepping lazy traps your mind lays for you. That first time you catch yourself midway through the word “Where…” on the way to completing the “Where are you from?” banality, you will feel something akin to a happy mental rush. “Yes!” you will mentally intone, “I stopped myself from muttering a beta male triviality! This means I have the power to mold myself into a more interesting man.”

A little victory, to be sure, but those little victories add up, until one day you’re twirling a girl round and round the dance floor of your mind.

Now that we know how to be less predictable around women, we can move on to step two: being more of a challenge. This step typically encompasses a lot of material, so for now we’ll discuss one particular method that will instantly imbue you with the churlish aura of alphatude that women crave as much as you crave a firm ass and supple breasts.

Ask, “Why?”. Why ask why? Reader dannyfrom504 explains:

Girls don’t need to be interesting. Most guys will validate them based on looks alone.  You want to mess up a cute girls head, ask her WHY when she states an opinion. Most dudes just go along with her to try to build [sic] repoir. Be different and ask her to justify her opinion.  You’ll stand out and bring major tingles.

You ask why because it is the one category of question that most men don’t ask of women. When was the last time you heard a beta male asking a girl why she thought this way, or why she thinks that way, or why she likes to be a heartbreaker, or why she she can’t sit still, or why she has to be the center of attention? When was the last time you didn’t see a beta male dutifully nodding his head like a hired lackey to every inanity spilled from a pretty girl’s mouth?

< kenyan > Now let me be clear. < /kenyan > You ask why not out of spite, or disapproval. You ask it sincerely, because it’s delightfully shocking to women to hear it, and it’s a challenge most women can’t resist. You ask because you want to know. Or, more likely, you don’t really want to know, but you fake interest till you make interest. Asking “why?” will immediately and in no uncertain terms set you apart from the horde of indistinguishable men an attractive woman interacts with every day. It’s bold, it’s ballsy, and it’s exciting to women. And excitement = sexytime.

Furthermore, “why?” is a great short-cut for getting women to open up and reveal a bit about themselves. This is known in pick-up parlance as “value eliciting”. Once you key in on a woman’s values, you can feed them back to her as if they were also your own, and construct a feeling of connection that is so important to women as a prelude to any sexual relinquishment.

Some of you dreadfully fearful minimen will ask “What if she replies ‘Why do you care?’“. First, you would be lucky to cross paths with more than 1 out of 50 women who would answer in that bitchy manner. But, for the sake of argument, here’s what you say if that does happen to you: “Charming.” Brevity cues the glow of clits.

You need to know two things about female psychology before you know anything else. Women HATE HATE HATE boring men. And women REALLY HATE HATE HATE supplicating yes-men.

Women are attracted — yes, primally, sexually attracted — to interesting men, and to challenging men.

Don’t be boring. Don’t be a suck-up. If you accomplish those two miracles and wonders, you are halfway to sleeping with the kinds of women you’ve always dreamed of defiling. If you have questioned your ability to borrow and then alchemize the alpha attitude for yourself, know that avoiding classic (and easily avoidable) beta male manbooby traps like asking boring, autonomically retrievable questions, and nodding like a puppet to every throwaway musing a woman utters, is 9/10ths of the effort needed to shed your crusty, beta chrysalis.

So keep those toes a-tapping, gentlemen, because you are not like the rest.

drifting_ · 2013-08-15T17:37:30+00:00

Mark Manson said the best way to avoid interview-like situation was to make statements and cold readings. Just start talking and making open ended (truthful, always show yourself honestly, it shows vulnerability, confidence, non-neediness and ultimately high value) statements e.g "I was here last week and saw a guy run out of the store with a handful of clothes and the security was trying to chase him down", are great because they give her a chance to ask the questions.

"Then what happened?", "Well, he ran but some big buff guy grabbed him and held him down and the guys started punching each other in the face it, it was crazy"

"wow did the security get him too"? "Yea they got him and the last I saw was him getting taken away in a police car"

Questions show interest but if you're asking all the questions, you're showing all the interest and thats not a good thing because she now has all the power on how far this conversation goes as she only has to answer the questions and not show any interest by asking questions back.

Lets be honest too, talking about where you work, what you study are pretty stock standard questions you get asked by everyone. I was at a party last weekend where I met quite a few new people and everyone asked me that over and over. Try to get emotionally engaged with her, WHY do you study "...", WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT "..."?, What was it like to be in that situation. Girls more so than guys are stimulated by emotion dialogue.

Also Cold Reading is another good way to break the interview mode. Cold reading can be googled cause there is quite a bit of info on it but in short it's making educated guessed about a girl's personality. "I can tell you have an accent, it sounds like you're from Italy." (also a statement) This works even if you are wrong, the response will be one of these:

"No I'm actually Greek, (then a statement or question from her) "Oh very good you're right (then a statement or question from her)

Then induce more emotional and flirty conversation.

Hope this helps.

scenny · 2013-08-15T17:23:21+00:00

Try to avoid asking questions that give one word responses. IE, instead of "do you like baseball?", you can ask "so what do you do for fun?" she responds..."we'll, I like to go for hikes, go to baseball games, and collect rare coins."

You now have 3 topics you can expand on...a) hiking, b) baseball, and c)rare coins. Let's say you go with baseball....

"oh, that's cool! I was at a baseball game last week and it went into extra innings and some cool story I can relate to this point." then you can ask her something else about baseball, since you have this in common with her.. "did you see the game last night? Rajai Davis hit a little league home run! Infield inside the park, it was crazy. I haven't seen that in so long." now you're opening up things she can ask you about A) cool story about the game you went to, B) little league home run, C) game last night...etc etc. then you can eventually transition this into something else.

The trick to having a conversation is to listen to what the other person is talking about, find a point to relate to, and continue. Mix with statements and questions, and she should do the same. Change topics whenever you feel like it. Go on tangents and come back to your original topic later. Etc etc etc.

pure_x01 · 2013-08-15T19:53:34+00:00

Recently there was a video presentation here on reddit by someone (cant find link) . He said that he stood there looking at here confidently looking like he was expecting her to say something. If she did not then he asked a new question and if she did not start contributing he bailed out in a nice way. I will try to use this and combine it with Mark Mansions ideas.

Edit Here it is

blahm3 · 2013-08-16T04:30:17+00:00

Nothing wrong with interview mode. Especially after going direct. Interview mode is very congruent with a direct approach. You don't need some crazy fun conversation that is wild and fun after being direct. With direct you have already generated attraction with the approach. You simply need to run comfort. For that interview mode works fine.

To keep the conversation interesting simply make sure you go deeper with each topic rather than skimming the surface with the standard questions. What is most important is finding out what her likes and dislikes are and the reason why. You will learn a lot about her for your own qualification and the girl will feel like she has connected with you and that you know her.

Here is how you take standard interview questions into more interesting conversations.

What’s your name? Best way to ask a girls name is to tell her your own name while you shake her hand.
What do you do?---> Do you like what you do?---->What do you like about it?---->>So you are this type of person...
Where do you live?-->Do you like it?---->>What do you like/dislike about--->>So you are this type of person....
Where are you from?-->Did you like it there??-->>Why not?--->>do you like it here better??--->>Why?-->so you are this type of person....
What school did you go to?---->>Did you like it there??-->.....You should be getting the pattern
Where do you work?.....
How do you like it here?.......

You will be surprised how interesting a conversation you can have with this type of pattern.

Another thing is do not talk about yourself too much or offer too much of about yourself. If she wants to know about she has to ask. Make her invest. This keeps you mysterious and aloof.

frogma · 2013-08-15T17:38:07+00:00

In addition to what these guys have said, you can always just make statements instead of asking questions. Instead of saying "Do you like to read?", say "I bet you read a lot" (then maybe follow it up with "What are you into?"). Simply the fact that it's a statement will make it seem like less of an interview. It'll also make you seem pretty intuitive; and even if you're wrong, she'll correct you and probably give out even more info about herself (or she'll tease you about being wrong, which is just as good).

But yeah, open-ended questions are better than "yes/no" questions. But you can have entire interactions where you never ask a single question. Like instead of asking what she does for a living, try to make a guess based on how she looks/acts/talks. So you say "I bet you're a nurse." You'll either be right, or she'll correct you -- and if you're right, you'll look like some sort of psychic. Then instead of asking about the job, just make another inference -- "Man, it must suck to deal with [specific shitty example of what nurses deal with]." Or if you wanna be more positive, just say "So you love helping people, [blah blah blah]." In pretty much every situation, you can at least rephrase the question to make it more of a statement. And if you're wrong, that's fine. Pay a bit of attention to her, and you probably won't be wrong very often.

Filereaper12 · 2013-08-16T16:41:00+00:00

I usually take something that could be a question and put "tell me" in front of it to make it a statement. So instead of "what is your favorite color," I say, "tell me your favorite color."

2013-08-15T17:14:35+00:00

This was one of my biggest sticking points when I first started and is still very present in my conversational game. The temptation to go into full scale Guantanamo style questioning is always there but it's extremely off-putting especially to girls who are just going about their lives during the day.

Now I have to say all of my advice is based on night game and results may differ in the day but what I started to do was make honest and bold statements. At first it seemed a bit awkward just to say something with no expectation of a response but the more I did it became less awkward and the statements I was making were more honest.

So in my head the process would go, deliver opener (something inventive or just hello, depending on what seemed most natural), ask at MOST 3 questions (usually name, what they did and then possibly a question that would throw them for my own self amusement) and then make a statement either about them if I sense they are interested or about something in the venue that was both honest and interesting.

I see the interview mode as a comfort blanket because well there's no real balls to perpetually asking someone basic level questions and not making an attempt to say something that will ramp the conversation up a little.

ContemplativeOctopus · 2013-08-15T23:21:51+00:00

My best method for avoiding "interrogating" is to have follow up questions that are related. You ask her if she's in school, then what school she goes too, then what she studies, then why she's interested in that, then what she hopes to do with it in the future, stuff like that works best for me.

CaptThack · 2013-08-17T07:42:12+00:00

Here's my day game opener. When done with a smile it works about 75 percent of the time:

"Hey! I know this is really random and all, but I saw you from over there and I just thought you looked gorgeous so I thought I'd come over and say hi. Hi, my name's Captain Thack!"

They keys to this opener for me are the use of the phrase "looked gorgeous". It has more power and is more direct than "cute" but has less neediness than "beautiful". The "looked" part is important as well because it implies that your opinion is based on her appearance and not how you identify her(you look beautiful is better than you ARE beautiful) therefore her personality is what you want to know next. This follows in line with any cold reads that you'll use next.

And please do not forget facial expressions and smiles. Your direct approaches will go nowhere without them. And speak loudly. As if she's behind another person between you.

DelmoLoDuca · 2013-10-23T00:34:08+00:00

There are two kinds of questions. Open ended and closed ended. Examples of closed ended questions are those mentioned in the reply below called "the Stale Seven Questions." They are questions that can be answered in one or two words like multiple choice test questions.

Open ended questions, on the other hand cannot. They require a little elaboration. They are like essay test questions.

An closed ended question like "Where are you from?" need not be dreaded. A closed end question must be followed by a related open ended question to keep the conversation going and to show your conversational partner (much to their delight) that you are so interested in what they have to say that you want to know more.

having asked a woman where she's from and having found out she's from New York City, you might follow-up with some open ended questions like: "How did you happen to move here from NYC?"
"How's the weather in NYC different from what we have here?" "What was the best part of growing up in NYC?"

Hope that helps.

Del Owner http://SeductionRitual.com

maradams · 2013-10-23T14:01:03+00:00

Hello, instead of asking her about her life why don't you try to share your interesting experiences which you think can motivate or trigger her to talk to you, as much as possible remember or never forget that you are there to establish a relationship with her and not on some job interview. Ask her Open-ended questions rather than questions that are only answerable with a yes or no. This will allow her to speak more and interact with you and keep the conversation going.

-Maria Adams www.startattracting.net

Title	Making conversation after a direct approach: how do I stop it going into 'interview mode?'
Author	SomeguyUK
Upvotes	83
Comments	27
Date	August 15, 2013 4:51 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1kffcc/making_conversation_after_a_direct_approach_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/making-conversation-after-a-direct-approach-how-do.1356900 https://theredarchive.com/post/1356900

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